


If Tomorrow Never Comes

by Redjay27



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Angst, Blood and Gore, Gender-Neutral Pronouns for Pidge | Katie Holt, Keith is with the Blade, Lance dies a lot so expect that, M/M, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Swearing, This is after season 4 I guess, did I mention that this is a slow burn?, it's a slow burn, it's that repeating day AU, suicide does happen but I will give a warning at the beginning of chapters that contain it, this should definitely be interesting, you know the one
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-10-25
Updated: 2018-09-09
Packaged: 2019-01-22 21:13:59
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 23
Words: 51,651
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12490980
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Redjay27/pseuds/Redjay27
Summary: “Keith!”Keith had heard that before and was almost too afraid to turn around but he did. Once again he saw Lance standing still amongst the chaos, a hole ripped through his chest. Keith was frozen as he saw the same scene play out. He saw the sentry behind him. He saw the second shot tear through Lance. And he once again was helpless to save Lance as he fell forward, a terrified look etched on his face.“Lance!”-----“Lance!” Keith shouted as he shot up, ready to spring into action. His eyes darted around the room, trying to assess the situation but he was once again taken off guard when he found he was back in his room on the Blade base.There was no more denying it. There was only one explanation as to what was going on. Keith was reliving the same day over and over again. The day where Lance dies.





	1. The Day Where Lance Dies

It was supposed to be a simple mission. The fact that team Voltron had been asked to accompany them had been a waste of time in Keith’s mind. But he would get to see his friends again so he wasn’t too opposed to the idea. He wasn’t sure how long it had been since he had last seen them. Weeks? Months? Time wasn’t as important out here and more often than not, Keith would completely ignore its passage. All he knew was that it had been long enough for him to miss the friends he had left behind.

 

The planet they were going to rendezvous with team Voltron on was deserted according to the latest reports and less than an hour flight to the planet that was their real target. Keith didn’t know the details of the mission yet but he knew enough to realize that asking for Voltron’s help had been unnecessary. That made him feel uneasy but he shrugged it off. Maybe Kolivan knew something Keith didn’t. Keith was sure that everything was going to be fine. Between the Blade and Voltron, not much could go wrong.

 

At least, that’s what he had thought five hours ago. Now, he wasn’t so sure.

 

Keith’s breath came out in heavy pants as he rounded another corner, glancing back briefly at the Galra sentries that were still chasing him. He pushed his way through the thick crowd of the market, trying to lose the sentries in the busyness of the market goers. He ignored the disgruntled grunts and mutters that were thrown his way by the multitudes of alien species that were gathered in the square. He had a mission to complete but first he had to lose these sentries.

 

“Anyone nearby?” Keith asked into the comm, ducking behind a tent to momentarily catch his breath.

 

“Where are you?” Keith heard Pidge reply.

 

“Uh…some sort of marketplace. I’m being chased by sentires.” Keith replied quietly.

 

“One sec.” Pidge said.

 

Keith peered around the corner of the tent, searching the crowd for the sentires, hoping that they had moved on. To his dismay, there were more of them than before. They were spread over the small square, combing through the crowd for Keith.

 

“Unless you want me dead, I suggest you hurry.” Keith whispered harshly into his comm.

 

“Cool your jets, zippy.” Pidge replied with a dry voice. “I was seeing who was around. It looks like Lance is the closest. I’m sending him your way.”

 

“I know now isn’t a good time to be picky.” Keith replied, peeking around the corner again. “But sending him isn’t a good idea. There’s too many people around for him to be firing his blaster. He’ll hit a civilian for sure.”

 

“Hey! I’m not an idiot and I have good aim!” Lance practically shouted over the comm, causing Keith to flinch slightly.

 

“Oh, yeah I patched Lance in by the way.” Pidge said with a small laugh.

 

“I hate you.” Keith replied flatly.

 

“Aw, Keith. I missed you too.” Pidge said endearingly. “Lance, what’s your ETA?”

 

“A minute.” Came the response, all signs of being offended replaced with seriousness.

 

Keith sighed and decided to change the topic while he waited for his saviour. “Any updates on the others?”

 

“Um...good question.” Pidge replied. “Hunk just checked in and said he and Allura are almost to the Galra’s main energy plant. They should have it down soon. Shiro and Kolivan had just started taking out the communications last I heard and...I’m here, keeping you guys updated. Oh, and Coran’s here. He says hi.”

 

“I’m almost there.” Lance said. “I can see the square.”

 

“Good.” Keith said. “Once we take out these sentries, we’ll be able to get to the commander's house. I think we’re pretty close to it.”

 

“Perfect.” Pidge said. “I’ll let the other’s know.”

 

“Keith, I see you but I can’t get to you without being seen.” Lance’s voice came as a whisper. “Man, you’ve got quite an entourage.”

 

“Shut it.” Keith snapped into the comm.

 

Lance chuckled lightly before saying, “So what’s the plan?”

 

“No idea.” Keith said. “Isn’t that what you’re here for?”

 

Keith heard Lance sigh. “Classic Keith. Okay...okay, okay, okay...there! Do you see that stand? The one with the alien that looks like an octopus?”

 

Keith risked leaning out around the side of the tent again and immediately spotted the stand Lance was talking about. It looked like every other stand in the square. The creature running the stand was large, barely able to fit between the stand and the tent entrance. It was a light pink color and had way too many tentacles to make Keith feel comfortable. He guessed at somewhere around twenty. It didn’t, however, look anything like an octopus. “Lance, that alien looks like a squid.”

 

“What? No, that’s an octopus if I’ve ever seen one.” Lance replied. “It’s got tentacles and everything.”

 

“...sure, Lance. You’re wrong, but sure.” Keith said dryly. “Anyway, what’s your plan?”

 

“We visited the home planet of those octopus looking guys a few weeks back for the coalition. They’re called Octirecun, by the way. Ya know, _Oct_ irecun like _oct_ opus?”

 

“What’s your point, Lance? We’re kinda on a deadline here.” Keith snapped over the comm.

 

“My point is that these guys have really bad tempers. Make one mad and they freak out. All hell will break loose. We could use it as a distraction to slip past the the sentries.” Lance explained.

 

“Are you sure that’ll work?” Keith asked.

 

“Trust me, Mullet. It’ll work.” Lance replied confidently.

 

Keith rolled his eyes at the nickname. It seemed some things never changed. “So how do we make it mad?”

 

“Oh, that’s easy.” Lance said and just a moment later Keith saw a beam of light shoot through the crowd, hitting the Octirecun perfectly on one of the tentacles. There was a loud roar that ripped through the crowd and Keith found himself covering his ears. Keith swore the ground shook a little, the vibrations causing him to stumble slightly.

 

“You’re insane!” Keith shouted over the comm.

 

“Possibly! Move, Mullet! This is our chance!”

 

Keith didn’t hesitate. He darted out from around the tent, heading in the direction of the commander’s house.

 

“I’m right behind you!” Lance called over the comm. Keith glanced back to see Lance sprinting through the disarrayed crowd only ten paces behind him.

 

The Octirecun was working as a distraction, that was for sure. It was much larger than Keith had originally thought, it’s tentacles now spread out made it roughly the size of an RV. It was still roaring in either pain or anger, Keith couldn’t really tell, and swinging it’s tentacles around randomly, taking out tents and stands alike. Oddly enough, the other people at the market were able to avoid the swinging tentacles rather well, and Keith attributed that to the fact that this probably wasn’t the first time someone had pissed one of these guys off.

 

Keith ducked and wove through the crowd, keeping an eye out for sentries as well as tentacles. He wasn’t planning on being crushed today. He glanced back often, making sure Lance was still with him through the chaos. Lance was remarkably apt at avoiding the tentacles.  

 

“You’ve done this before, haven’t you?” Keith asked as they crossed the square.

 

“I might’ve accidently hit on the wrong Octirecun while we were visiting! Turns out that some of them get married and they don’t appreciate when you flirt with their spouse!” Lance called back.

 

“You _flirted_ with one of these things?” Keith asked, slightly disgusted.

 

“Hunk dared me! Blame him!” Lance called defensively.

 

Keith couldn’t respond, too busy jumping out of the way of a tentacle that came crashing down right in front of him. They were almost to the other side of the square at this point, the path that they needed to take was well in sight. A few more well placed shoves through the crowd and they’d be on their way-

 

“ _Keith!_ ”

 

Keith instinctively turned at the sounds of his own name, his eyes scanning behind him for Lance. It didn’t take him long to find him.

 

Lance stood still in the midst of the chaos around him, his face paler than Keith had ever seen before but that wasn’t what caught Keith’s attention. No, Keith focus was on the streaks of red running down Lance’s chest, originating from a dark red hole centered over his heart. Behind him Keith could see the towering form of a sentry, standing with his blaster pointing in Lance’s direction.

 

“Lance!” Keith heard his voice cry but he didn’t remember willing it to do so.

 

Lance opened his mouth like he wanted to say something but wasn’t able to when suddenly a beam of light burst through his chest, creating a second, larger hole slightly below the first.

 

“ _No!_ ” Keith shouted, pushing himself forward and towards his former teammate.

 

Lance looked terrified. His eyes were locked onto Keith’s, wide and horrified. “I…” Lance said just loud enough for Keith to hear before he fell forward onto his knees and then once more, until he lay face down.

 

“ _Lance!_ ”

 

\-----

 

“Lance!” Keith shouted, sitting bolt upright, his eyes searching for the fallen paladin.

 

He was nowhere to be seen.

 

In fact, Keith wasn’t even on that planet. He was back on the Blade base in the room he had been assigned. Keith’s breathing was coming out heavy as he looked around the familiar barren room. His heart was racing a mile a minute, as he took in his surroundings. Had it all been a dream? Keith prayed that it was only a dream.

 

Keith pulled the covers aside and stood up, quickly changing into his Blade armor before exiting the room and heading to the central command of the base. He had to know if Lance was still alive or not. The doors slid open as he arrived, a few of the Blade members turning to greet him.

 

“Ah, Keith.” Kolivan said from where he was standing by one of the consoles. “I was just about to explain the mission for today.”

 

“Mission?” Keith asked.

 

“Yes. We’re teaming up with the Voltron paladins, don’t you remember?”

 

Keith remembered. He remembered that mission all too well...mainly for the fact that it had already happened and Lance had been killed. But maybe it had just been a weird dream, anxiety for today’s mission messing with his brain. Yeah, that had to be it. Still...he had to know.

 

“Are...uh...are all of them able to come?” Keith asked hesitantly.

 

“Seems so.” Kolivan replied, already turned back towards the console. “They sent a message saying that all five of them would be more than willing to help.”

 

Five? That meant Lance then. He was still alive. Good. Okay. Then it was just a dream. Or at least, that’s what Keith tried to keep telling himself as Kolivan gave them a brief description of the mission parameters. Yet, the more Keith heard the details, the less convinced he was that it was simply a bad dream. Everything was too similar. The meeting on the deserted planet before hand, the assignments that were going to be given to each person...it was all completely the same.

 

It was like Keith was reliving the same day that he had just…

 

No, Keith wasn’t going to entertain that thought. It was crazy. He was just going to do the mission and move on with his life. Nothing was going to go wrong and nothing bad was going to happen. He was sure of it.

 

\-----

 

“ _Keith!_ ”

 

Keith had heard that before and was almost too afraid to turn around but he did. Once again he saw Lance standing still amongst the chaos, a hole ripped through his chest. Keith was frozen as he saw the same scene play out. He saw the sentry behind him. He saw the second shot tear through Lance. And he once again was helpless to save Lance as he fell forward, a terrified look etched on his face.

 

“ _Lance!”_

 

\-----

 

“Lance!” Keith shouted as he shot up, ready to spring into action. His eyes darted around the room, trying to assess the situation but he was once again taken off guard when he found he was back in his room on the Blade base.

 

There was no more denying it. There was only one explanation as to what was going on. Keith was reliving the same day over and over again. The day where Lance dies.

 

“Shit…”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading and I hope you plan to stick around!  
> Here's a couple of things you should know going in:  
> 1) I have no idea how long this is gonna be but as soon as I know, I'll let you know.  
> 2) When I said in the tags that Lance dies a lot I really meant Lance dies A LOT. So please be prepared for that. And if that's not your jam then that's cool. Thanks for stopping by and enjoy your life.  
> 3) This is a second priority fic for me because as of right now I have another one going on that I've been working on longer. So I plan to update this once a week probably on either Sunday or Monday.  
> Also as a side note, if you have any questions or just want to scream at me or something you can find me on tumblr @canyoufeelthelagnsttonight. I will also post there to let my followers know when I've updated.  
> Any and all feedback you are willing and able to give is greatly appreciated!  
> Stay safe and I'll see ya next time, 
> 
> ~Redjay


	2. Third Time's the Charm

“Shit, shit, shit, shit,  _ shit _ !” 

 

Keith was pacing back and forth in his room, his mind racing in a million different directions. Questions upon questions were piling up in his brian. Why was this happening? How long would it go on? Why was it Lance’s death that triggered the reset? Keith could feel himself reaching his complete panic mode. He needed to find some answers and he needed to find them fast. But where would he even start?

 

“Okay, Keith, just think. Don’t panic. Just think.” Keith muttered to himself as he paced, fingers pressed firmly to his temples and eyes closed. “What do you know about time loops?” 

 

The answer was not much. He vaguely remembered seeing a movie about a time loop...something to have to do with groundhogs or something...he didn’t know. He remembered another one about some train and a bomb. He didn’t think that would be much help either.

 

But they both had something in common.

 

Keith opened his eyes as an epiphany shot through his head. In both of those movies, the time loop stopped when they had completed something. Maybe that’s what he had to do. Maybe there was something he was supposed to do for the time loop to stop. Something like save Lance’s life? 

 

Keith knew that he really couldn’t figure anything out by relying on movies he saw years ago, but it was the best he had so he might as well run with it until he had a better plan. For now, he just had to make sure Lance didn’t die. How hard could that be? He used to do that all the time. This should be a piece of cake. 

 

\-----

 

“So here’s the situation.” Kolivan said, addressing the gathered group. They had met up with the castle on the deserted planet exactly like they had twice before. Although, Keith was fairly certain that he was the only one aware of the time loop. He kept glancing at Lance who looked as zoned out as he usually did at these meetings, leaning on Hunk’s shoulders with a bored expression on his face. “Taxion is a highly populated planet. It’s one of the major ports in this sector. Species from all over come to Taxion to buy and sell goods in its extensive markets. Which, as you can probably guess, has attracted the attention of the Galra. Taxion fell under control of the Empire many years ago, but because of the enormous amount of wealth it produces, the Empire has allowed it to remain operational. The Galra have placed massive taxes on all imports and exports on the planet, giving them access to a substantial amount of money.”

 

“I’m guessing that cutting off a source like this would be quite a loss for them.” Shiro said thoughtfully. 

 

By now, Keith had already heard this spiel twice. He was pretty sure he could recite it verbatim at this point but he chose to keep his mouth closed, waiting for the right moment to speak.

 

“Exactly. And it would also be a huge gain for the coalition.” Kolivan replied. “If we could do business with the merchants on this planet, we could have access to better equipment and resources. We might even be able to fight the Empire on even ground.”

 

“So how can we help?” Allura asked.

 

“Here’s the plan. We need a number of small teams to hit certain Galra strong points all at once: The energy plant, their communications base, and the Galra commander’s house. Taking down these strong points will leave them weak and easy to defeat. Once we hit the strong points who knows how the Galra will react. We’ll need eyes on the ground to let us know the situation.” 

 

“That sounds like a job for Lance.” Shiro said.

 

Keith saw as Lance perked up at the sound of his name. “What? Me? Why?”

 

“Because you’ve got the best eyes out of all of us.” Shiro responded. “And we’re gonna need the best for a mission like this.” 

 

Keith had to stop himself from rolling his eyes as Lance straightened his shoulders, a confident smirk on his face. “Well, I’m glad to see that my talents are finally being recognized.”

 

That was what Keith was waiting for. 

 

“I don’t think Lance should do it.” He said loudly enough for everyone gathered to hear. He glanced at Lance, noticing how his face flushed red with anger. 

 

“Oh yeah? Well, no one asked you!” Lance said harshly, glaring at Keith.

 

Keith ignored him. “You need someone who can blend in. Someone who isn’t going to be pegged as an outsider. I can do that. It’s what I’ve trained for.” 

 

Keith figured that the previous two times Lance had been killed was because he was simply in the wrong place at the wrong time. So, assigning him a different role in the mission should put him out of harm’s way. At least, that’s what Keith hoped. 

 

Kolivan seemed to mull over what Keith had said for a moment before nodding. “Okay, Keith. You’ll be our eyes.” Keith could practically see the fumes coming out of Lance’s ears. “As for the rest of you, here’s what I purpose. Hunk and Allura head to the energy plant. We’ll need someone with mechanical skills to disable it.” Hunk and Allura nodded. “Shiro and Lance head to the communications base. Take out as many of those towers as you can. We don’t want them calling for backup.”

 

“On it.” Shiro said. “We’ll bring them down.”

 

“Good. Pidge and Coran will remain here to coordinate and I’ll hit the commander’s house.” 

 

“Alone?” Allura asked. 

 

“It’s too heavily guarded for more than one person to get inside without being noticed.” Kolivan explained. 

 

“Alright.” Shiro said. “Let’s get started.”

 

\-----

 

Keith stuck to the shadows as he moved through the market. So far, his plan had worked. Lance was nowhere near the place where he had died the previous two times. Keith, however, had decided to hang around the market area closest to the communications base just in case. If something went wrong, Keith would be able to reach him quickly. 

 

Keith didn’t notice anything unusual in the crowd. The numerous different species of alien seemed none the wiser that anything big was going down. That was good news at least. Keith did, however, steer clear of any Octirecun that he came across. He’d rather not piss one of those guys off again. 

 

“Any updates?” Pidge’s voice asked over the comm. “You’ve been pretty quiet.” 

 

“Not really. All seems normal down here.” Keith replied. “Anything I should know?” 

 

“Nah. Everything seems to be going really smoothly...which is honestly a first for us.” Pidge said casually. “I gotta say, though. It was kinda a dick move for you to swoop in and steal Lance’s job out from underneath him.”

 

“Would you believe me if I told you I was doing it for his own good?” 

 

“Eh...maybe. Did you think Lance was going to screw it up or something and wanted to save him the embarrassment?” Pidge asked. 

 

“Not exactly.” Keith said as he scanned the crowd for any signs of panic. Nothing so far. “It was more like I was worried for his safety.”

 

“Awwww, Keith. That’s so sweet of you...oh, and also a load of complete bullshit. You know as well as I do that Lance can take care of himself.” Pidge said in a flat voice. 

 

“We’ll see about that…” Keith muttered. 

 

“Oh, hang on. Shiro’s checking in. Gotta go.” Pidge’s comm went dead before Keith could respond and he was once again left alone. 

 

Keith rounded another corner, immediately spotting the sentries standing guard towards the center of the small square he had found himself in. He stuck close to the edge of the square, only moving when a large group passed between him and the sentries. These guys were going to be a problem eventually. For now, though, Keith would just keep an eye on them. 

 

“Keith!” 

 

Keith felt himself startle at Pidge’s sudden shout over the comm. 

 

“Keith! You need to get to the communications base now!” Pidge said, their voice coming out panicked. 

 

Keith didn’t hesitate, immediately heading in the direction of the base. “Why? What’s wrong?” He was weaving through the crowd, trying his best to not alert the sentries but also trying to get to the base as quickly as possible.

 

“It was a trap! Somehow they knew we were coming and now Shiro and Lance are pinned down! Hurry, Keith!” 

 

“I’m on my way!” Keith replied, picking up speed. He wasn’t about to let Lance die again. Not this time. Not if he had anything to say about it. 

 

After what seemed like far too long, Keith finally broke free of the thick crowd, darting into a deserted side street. He pushed his legs as hard as he could, his feet pounding against the hard ground. He needed to get to Lance. He  _ needed  _ to. 

 

After a few more turns, Keith could finally see the base on the edge of the market city, large towers looming over the market squares. With a renewed vigor, he sprinted the last few streets, his breathing hard and his muscles aching. He ignored all of it. He was stopping this time loop. 

 

As he approached he could see the fallen sentries just outside the front entrance, no doubt taken out by Lance and Shiro. He jumped over them and headed into the building. As he entered, he could hear the distant sound of gunfire...and there was a lot of it. Keith didn’t stop to come up with a plan, instead heading towards the sound of the fight. He would figure out what to do once he got there. He sprinted down hallway after hallway, following the trail of dead sentries. 

 

“Shiro? Lance? Where are you?” Keith asked over the comm. 

 

“Keith?” Lance asked and Keith felt a wave of relief spread through him. Lance was still alive. He could still save him. 

 

“Pidge said you guys were pinned down.” Keith responded. 

 

“Yeah, that’s a bit of an understatement!” Lance shouted back. 

 

Keith rounded another corner, seeing a large doorway at the end of the hall. It took him only moments to reach it. He was sure the firefight was happening on whatever was on the other side of that doorway. He entered the room, briefly noticing that it was a control room of some sort; probably for the large towers Keith had seen on his way in. There was a tall column at the back of the room that had a purple glow to it, and if Keith had to guess, that was probably the power source for the towers. There were dozens of sentires positioned in a half-circle, all facing away from Keith and towards what looked like the main control panel of the room. Keith figured that’s where Lance and Shiro was. 

 

“I’m here, guys. Just hold on.” Keith said. 

 

“Be careful, Keith.” Shiro said, his voice sounding slightly stressed. “There’s a lot of them.”

 

Keith glanced around the room for some way to get them out of this situation. Thankfully, the sentries hadn’t noticed Keith yet. What he needed was some way to destroy all of them at once. But how? 

 

“A bomb!” Keith said, a thought coming to his head. “We can blow this place up! It’ll take out all the sentries and shut down the towers!”

 

“Hey, genius.” Lance said over the comm, his voice slightly sarcastic. “That’ll just blow us up too.” 

 

“Not if we’re not here.” Keith said, a plan starting to form in his mind. “You need to override the the main control! Get it to overload so it’ll explode!”

 

“And how are we supposed to do that with a bajillion guys shooting at us?” Lance asked. 

 

“I’ll distract them. Just hurry. Once you overload the system this whole place will become a ticking time bomb. You’ll need to get out right away, understand?”

 

“Are you sure this’ll work, Keith?” Shiro asked. 

 

“I’m sure. This is what Thace and I did on Zarkon’s ship.” Keith replied. 

 

“Alright. Let’s give it a try.” Shiro said. 

 

“Distracting them now.” Keith said, darting forward towards the bulk of the sentires. He didn’t have to take them all out but rather just give them something to shoot at. He couldn’t hold out against this many sentries for long, but Shiro probably knew that. Keith lept towards the nearest sentry, digging his knife into the back of it’s head, pulling it out and rounding on the next sentry in one fluid motion. By now, he’d caught the attention of the other sentries, giving Lance and Shiro the time they needed to arm the bomb. 

 

He moved swiftly from sentry to sentry, gracefully wielding his knife. Kolivan had trained him in the most efficient ways to disable sentries, going for the head and other weak points in their armor. Still though, he knew that he was slowly being pushed back by the sheer number of them. He simply couldn’t keep up. 

 

“Some day soon!” Keith called into his comm as he ducked below the swing of one sentry’s arm. “I can’t do this forever.”

 

“We almost got it!” Lance called back. “Sorry if we’re no Pidge!” 

 

Keith buried his knife in the chest of a sentry while avoiding a shot from another one. He was getting tired fast and he hadn’t even taken down half of them. What had he gotten himself into?

 

“There! It’s armed!” Lance called. 

 

“Let’s get out of here!” Shiro said. “Best guess, we got thirty seconds!”

 

Keith didn’t need to be told twice. He dispatched another of the sentries before pushing past them and darting towards the door. He could hear the sound of metal pounding against the ground behind him, and he glanced back often enough to dodge the beams of light heading his direction. 

 

“Twenty seconds!” Shiro’s voice shouted. 

 

Keith spotted Shiro and Lance heading towards the door, Lance occasionally firing a shot in Keith’s direction to cover him. Keith gave him a nod before focusing his attention back on getting to the door in time. 

 

“Fifteen seconds!” Shiro called again. 

 

Keith saw Shiro and Lance reach the door first but he wasn’t too far behind them. A few more steps and-

 

Keith felt his leg give out as something white hot rammed into the back of it, sending him sprawling to the ground with a shout of pain. He could feel the pain shoot up his spine as he landed hard on the ground.  If Keith had to guess, he’s been shot. Just fucking perfect. 

 

“ _ Keith! _ ” He heard Lance call followed by a startled,

 

“Lance!” Which came from Shiro. 

 

Keith bit back the pain as he struggled to get to his feet, the sentries closing in on him fast. And then suddenly he was being hauled to his feet by an unknown person. He glanced up with blurry vision to see the outline of white and blue. Lance. 

 

“I gotcha, buddy!” 

 

“Five seconds! Four! Three! Two!” 

 

Keith felt strong arms brace against his back and shove him towards the doorway. He stumbled into Shiro who caught him and held him up. Keith turned quickly enough to see the doors slide closed, Lance still on the other side. 

 

“ _ Lance! _ ” Keith screamed, trying to break free of Shiro’s grip and reopen the door. Shiro held on tight, saying something to Keith that he didn’t hear. His voice had been drowned out by the sound of an explosion. 

 

\-----

 

Keith’s eyes flew open, not at all surprised to see his dark room on the Blade base. He had failed to save Lance’s life again. 

 

It was official. Keith was in a nightmare. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading and I hope you enjoyed it!   
> Any and all feedback you are willing and able to give is greatly appreciated.   
> Stay safe and I'll see ya next time!
> 
> ~Redjay


	3. Two's Company

Keith could feel a dull ache in his chest as he sat up in his bed. He reached up, pressing his palm over the spot the ache was coming from. It was a feeling he had never experienced before and he didn’t like it one bit. It felt like something inside him had torn. He could feel the pulsating pain radiating out, reaching down his limbs and making his skin tingle. 

 

Keith wasn’t sure what had caused the ache. He wasn’t physically hurt, his leg wound disappearing when the loop reset. He took deep breaths, trying to alleviate some of the pain but it didn’t help. 

 

Keith thought back to what he had just witnessed. He hadn’t actually seen Lance die like the first two times but for some reason, this time was harder. Sure, seeing Lance with holes in his chest had been awful. He never wanted to picture that sight ever again. But even those images didn’t compare to the sight of Lance on the other side of the door as it slid closed, a look of relief on Lance’s face instead of the fear Keith had been expecting to see. 

 

“He sacrificed himself for me…” Keith muttered to himself, staring blankly ahead. His voice came out cracked and hollow-sounding, the whisper resembling a shout in the otherwise silent room. 

 

Why would he do that? Why would Lance give his life for him like that? Keith had always known that his former teammates had his back just as he would always have theirs, but...seeing Lance’s selfless sacrifice firsthand? Keith could have never prepared himself for that. 

 

Perhaps that’s where the ache came from. Maybe it came from seeing Lance’s complete and utter devotion to his friends, going so far as to give his own life. That touched Keith in a way he had never imagined possible.

 

All the more reason to make sure Lance survived the mission today. Not only to save the life of a friend, but also as a ‘thank you’ for making the ultimate sacrifice. 

 

\-----

 

Keith boarded the castle before any of the other Blade members, needing to talk to Pidge before the meeting started. He figured Pidge probably knew more about time loops than he did and decided that he might need some help in keeping Lance alive. Keith trusted Pidge to keep a secret and if worse came to worse and Pidge did spill, things would just reset again after Lance’s death, that is, assuming that they failed to save him.  

 

Keith arrived on the bridge to see his former teammates standing around the room, talking amongst themselves in preparation for the mission, Lance included. Keith ignored how the ache in his chest grew at the sight of him, instead turning towards Pidge’s chair and making his way over to them. 

 

“Pidge.” Keith said as he neared. 

 

“Ah!” Pidge half-shouted, jumping a few inches out of their char. “What the hell, Keith? Just because you  _ can  _ be stealthy doesn’t mean you  _ should _ .” 

 

“S-sorry…” Keith stammered, not prepared for Pidge’s reaction. 

 

Pidge gave Keith a hard glare for a moment before their expression morphed into one of shock. “Wait, Keith!” In an instant Pidge had shot up from their seat and practically tackled Keith, forcing him back a few steps. “Holy shit, it’s good to see you!” 

 

Keith had forgotten that this was technically the first time any of team Voltron had seen him in who-knows-how-long. They didn’t remember the past three days like Keith had. 

 

“Uh...yeah. It’s good to see you too.” Keith managed to say, looking down at the green paladin who thankfully let him go at Keith’s words. Pidge’s shout, unfortunately, caught the attention of the others in the room and now Keith found himself surrounded by his friends, all wanting to welcome him and ask about his time spent with the Blade. 

 

The greetings only lasted a few minutes before other Blade members had started to arrive on the bridge of the ship. Fortunately for Keith, that caused enough of a distraction for him to grab Pidge’s arm and pull them off to the side.

 

“I need to talk to you.” Keith said quietly once they reached the far side of the room, out of earshot of everyone else. Keith fixed Pidge with a serious expression. 

 

“What the matter?” Pidge asked, their own expression being one of confusion. 

 

Keith searched his head for the right words before finally saying, “What I’m about to tell you sounds insane, but you have to believe me, okay? And don’t freak out.” 

 

Pidge rolled their eyes. “I’m not Hunk. I don’t freak out.”

 

Keith shook his head. “Just promise me.”

 

Pidge sighed, “Alright. I won’t freak out.”

 

There was silence between the two for a minute before Keith took a deep breath and said, “Lance is going to die today.” 

 

Keith wasn’t sure what reaction he was expecting from Pidge. Disbelief? Confusion? Shock? He didn’t get any of those.

 

A sly smile appeared on Pidge’s face. “Careful, Keith. Keep saying stuff like that and people will start thinking you care about him.”

 

Keith felt a brief flash of irritation at Pidge’s words but he quickly pushed the feeling aside. Now was not the time for an angry outburst. He needed to make Pidge understand. 

 

“No, that’s not what I meant.” Keith tried to explain. “I mean that I know for sure that Lance is going to be killed on this mission. I’ve seen it.”

 

Now Pidge’s expression morphed into one of disbelief. “You’ve seen it? What like you had a vision of the future? Keith, that’s not possible.”

 

Keith shook his head. “There wasn’t any vision...it’s more like I actually saw it happening in real time.” 

 

“I don’t understand…” Pidge replied, giving Keith a weird look. 

 

Keith sighed. “Pidge, I’m caught in a time loop.” 

 

There was a silence between the two for a moment, Keith giving Pidge a few seconds to process what he had said. 

 

Finally Pidge said, “Prove it.” 

 

“Fine.” Keith said. He needed Pidge on his side. Proving that he was, in fact, stuck in the worst time loop he could possibly imagine was probably the best way at doing that. Keith shifted his gaze to the others in the room. “In a few seconds Lance will try to flirt with Klava but before he can reach her, Hunk will catch him and drag him away.” Keith said, nodding in the direction of Lance. Sure enough, within moments Lance had spotted Klava and had started his approach, what Keith thought was suppose to be a charming smile plastered on his face. Pidge and Keith watched as Hunk saved Klava from Lance’s advances just in time, grabbing Lance by the collar and dragging him in the opposite direction. 

 

“Lucky guess.” Pidge said skeptically. 

 

“If only.” Keith replied. “Look, I could stand here all day and try to prove to you that I’ve lived this day three times before but I really don’t have that kind of time. Lance is going to die in a couple of hours and I really need your help in saving him.” Keith gave Pidge a serious look, making sure they knew he wasn’t kidding. 

 

“Shiro!” Pidge called, turning away from Keith. “How long until the meeting starts?”

 

Shiro looked over his shoulder, breaking his conversations with one of the Blade members. “About a half an hour.” He replied. 

 

Pidge nodded and then turned back to Keith. “C’mon.” Pidge grabbed Keith’s arm and led him out of room and in the direction of the green lion’s hangar. 

 

Keith wasn’t sure if Pidge actually believed him but he was grateful for their help nonetheless. Maybe with the two of them Lance would survive the mission and put an end to the nightmare Keith was caught in. 

 

The two were silent until they reached the hangar which also functioned as Pidge’s lab. Keith was the first to break the silence. 

 

“Why are we here?” 

 

“I figured we needed some place to talk without the others overhearing. Seemed as good a place as any.” Pidge said with a shrug. “But I think I’m going to need some sort of explanation here. Are you really stuck in a time loop?”

 

“It seems so.” Keith replied, leaning against one of the tables in Pidge’s lab. “But I don’t really have an explanation for it. All I know it that every time Lance dies the loop resets. So I figure that if Lance never dies-”

 

“The loop won’t reset.” Pidge said, looking like they were deep in thought. 

 

“That’s the hope.” Keith said. “Obviously, I haven’t been successful yet.” 

 

“And this is your fourth time trying to save him?” Pidge asked. Keith only nodded in response. “How did he die the last three times?”

 

The ache in Keith’s chest that had gone quiet during his conversation with Pidge suddenly came back in full. Keith dropped his gaze from Pidge, deciding to look at the ground instead. He felt a lump rise in his throat and he swallowed it back down. Thinking back on those memories was not something he was very eager to do. 

 

“Keith…” Pidge said gently, a tone that Keith didn’t hear often coming from them. “How am I going to help you if I don’t know what hasn’t worked?” 

 

Pidge had a point and Keith knew it. He swallowed hard once more before meeting Pidge’s gaze again and saying, “The first two times he was shot but a galra sentry in the marketplace. The third time he…” The words seemed to get stuck in Keith’s throat. 

 

“He what?” Pidge prompted. 

 

“He...uh...he sacrificed himself to save me. There was a bomb…” Keith was having trouble breathing, the images of Lance still on the other side of the door flashing through his mind. “The door closed and he was still on the other side…”

 

Pidge let out a pained laugh. “Sacrificing himself? Yeah, that sounds like Lance.” They shook their head a little. “But we’re going to make sure he doesn’t have that option this time. So how should we play this?” 

 

Keith was pulled from his thoughts about Lance and the bomb by Pidge’s question. “Well, Kolivan is going to break everyone up into groups for the mission. Lance can’t be the lookout because that’s where he gets shot and he can’t go to the communication towers because that’s where the bomb goes off.”

 

“So what’s left?” Pidge asked. 

 

“That leaves the energy plant and the commander's house...oh, and I guess central command with you.” Keith replied. 

 

“Shiro would never let Lance stay behind and be at central command, would he?” Pidge asked. 

 

Keith shook his head. “Lance is too good to not take on this mission.” 

 

Another one of Pidge’s sly smiles creeped onto their face. “Aw, Keith. You really do care.”

 

Keith rolled his eyes and said, “I can give credit where it’s due. Besides, can you imagine trying to convince Lance to stay behind? He’d never do that.” 

 

“You’re right.” Pidge replied. “So what? That leaves the energy plant and the commander’s house?” 

 

“Yeah...and both of those are pretty dangerous.” 

 

“Hmm...I think we should try the energy plant.” Pidge said. 

 

“Why?” Keith asked. 

 

“It’s probably the most hackable.” Pidge replied. “We need to keep Lance alive and to do that we need to control the playing field as much as possible. With your Galra DNA you can get me into the system and then I can make sure no surprises are waiting for you. You two will be in and out without so much as a scratch.”

 

Keith had to admit that he liked the sound of that. “But Kolivan said he needed someone with mechanical experience to shutdown the plant. Lance and I don’t really fall into that category.”

 

Pidge waved their hand dismissively. “Once I’m in the system I can find out how to shut it down and I’ll walk you through it. It’ll be a piece of cake.” 

 

Keith couldn’t see a better option so he shrugged and said, “I’m in.”

 

“That’s the spirit.” Pidge replied, a confident smile on their face. “Now let’s go save Lance’s life!”

 

Keith felt better now that Pidge was helping him. Their confidence was infectious but even so, Keith could still feel a few lingering doubts in the back of his mind. Could it really be this easy? Did all he have to do to save Lance’s life was ask for help? Keith wasn’t sure. But he wasn’t going to find out by sitting on his hands. He would do everything in his power to make sure that Lance was still breathing at the end of the mission. And with Pidge’s help, he almost believed that this time would be different. 

 

That this time, Lance would survive. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading and I hope you enjoyed it!  
> I don't really have an explanation for the long wait for this update aside from seasonal affective disorder. All I can really say about it is that I'm grateful for your patience with me. I'm going to try to start updating regularly again but I make no promises.  
> Any and all feedback you are willing and able to give is greatly appreciated.  
> Stay safe and I'll see ya next time!
> 
> ~Redjay


	4. Below the Surface

“Out of all the people to get stuck with, why did it have to be you?” 

 

Keith did his best to ignore Lance’s irritating whine but it was easier said than done. If only Lance knew that getting stuck with Keith was probably the only way he was going to survive this mission. 

 

The two were currently in the back of one of the small Blade fighter ships, waiting to reach the drop point close to the energy plant. Keith wouldn’t say that his idea of fun was being stuck in a cramped space with Lance and as such, he was finding it more than a little difficult to keep his anger in check. Lance’s whining was not helping. 

 

“It’s only for one mission.” Keith said, an irritated sigh escaping his lips. “Can’t you just deal with it?”

 

Lance let out his own dramatic sigh before saying, “I guess if I  _ have  _ to.”  There was a beat of silence before Lance spoke again. “It is a little weird that we were assigned the energy plant. Hunk or Pidge would have been better for this job.”

 

Keith knew that it wasn’t, in fact, weird that they were assigned the energy plant. He had specifically asked Kolivan to assign him and Lance this job before the meeting had started. It had taken some convincing - without letting him know what was really going on, of course - but Kolivan had finally agreed.

 

Keith shrugged in response to Lance. “Does it really matter as long as the job gets done?”

 

“I guess not.” Lance said thoughtfully. “It’s still weird though.”

 

“We’re approaching the drop point.” The pilot called back to them before Keith had a chance to respond. 

 

“Get ready.” Keith said and Lance nodded in response, a serious look coming across his face. If there was one thing about Lance that Keith could admire, it was his ability to put aside his goofy demeanor when it mattered. Keith respected that. For most people, it was usually either-or. Keith knew that he himself favored the more serious side because that was what kept him alive. But Lance could jump between the two almost effortlessly and, if Keith was being honest, he was almost jealous of Lance for that. 

 

“Five ticks away.” The pilot said.

 

Keith could feel the adrenaline start to pump through his veins, heightening his senses. He was always like this before a mission, the anticipation of going into enemy territory without the certainty of coming out alive was something he had grown quite used to. 

 

This time was different, though. This time he knew that they were going into enemy territory with absolute certainty that one of them was going to die. Keith was going to do everything in his power to make sure that they both came out alive, but he could still feel a nervousness settle into the pit of his stomach. A nervousness that was unlike any other he had previously experienced.

 

“Three...two...one...go!” The pilot called. 

 

Keith glanced at Lance one last time before jumping out of the small fighter that was hovering about ten feet off the ground. Keith was only in the air for a moment before he landed on the ground, a slight shock going up his legs. He heard a small grunt as Lance landed next to him. Keith looked up to see the fighter speeding away, staying out of sight until they were ready for extraction. 

 

Keith and Lance were dropped far enough away from the plant so as not to arouse suspicion. 

 

“No time to lose.” Keith said. “Let’s get moving.” 

 

The energy plant was situated towards the outskirts of the main market city of Taxion. The only buildings around were long-since-abandoned industrial buildings that provided a perfect cover for them while they figured out how to infiltrate the plant.

 

The plant was far from the other areas that were being targeted by team Voltron and the Blade. If they ran into trouble, they were on their own. Any backup that could be sent their way would take too long to get there. Keith and Lance only had each other to rely on...well, there was also Pidge but Lance was only partially aware of the role they were playing in this particular mission. 

 

Keith knew that in the end, this plan of theirs mostly came down to whether or not Pidge could completely hack the energy plant or not. He had faith in Pidge’s skills, but he couldn’t help but be doubtful after the last three attempts to save Lance’s life had ended in utter failure. 

 

But now was no time to think about failure. Keith needed to focus and thinking about the past wasn’t going to help him do that. Keith led Lance to one of the large abandoned buildings, sticking close to the walls to avoid any sentries that might be in the area. When they reached the edge of the building, Keith peered around the corner and was greeted by the sight of the front entrance of the plant. Keith could see two towers on either side of the large gate that stood between them and the plant. Galra-looking turrets stood on either tower, prepped and ready to shoot anyone who got too close. Half a dozen or so sentries stood outside the gate, completely motionless. It was clear to Keith that only people with a death wish would try to infiltrate through the front entrance .

 

“I take it walking through the front door isn’t exactly the smartest idea.” Lance commented almost casually, looking over Keith’s shoulder at the gate.

 

“Probably not.” Keith agreed, with a slight nod. 

 

“There’s gotta be another way in…” Lance said thoughtfully to himself. 

 

Keith couldn’t see it. That place looked way too heavily guarded for a simple power plant. But he also knew that the two previous teams had been successful in getting in, not that Lance knew that. 

 

“Maybe a side entrance or something?” Keith suggested. 

 

Lance shook his head. “Doubtful. I mean, look at that gate. They’re clearly serious about protecting whatever’s in there. They wouldn’t just leave a side entrance for us to slip into.”

 

Keith had to admit that he was right. The Galra weren’t stupid, that much Keith knew. “So how do we get in then?” 

 

“The sewer…” Lance said slowly, an uncertainty to his voice. 

 

“The sewer?” Keith asked. “Don’t you think an entrance like that would be monitored too?”

 

Lance gave a little shrug. “I’m not sure...but it’s worth a shot. Even if it is guarded or something, it still might be an easier way of getting in.”

 

Keith really didn’t have a better idea and it did seem like it was worth a shot. “Alright. The sewer it is. Let’s go.”

 

\-----

 

“Okay, I know that it was me who suggested this, but I really did not plan on smelling like a pile of shit today.” Lance said from behind Keith, his voice irritated and echoey. Keith and Lance were currently waist deep in a river of alien sewage, a grotesque sloshing sound reverberating off the walls of the tunnel they were in every time they moved. 

 

“Look on the bright side.” Keith said, trying his best not to breathe in the putrid scent surrounding them. “At least you’re not dead.” 

 

He heard Lance let out a curt laugh. “I think I would prefer that to wading through a river of shit.” 

 

Keith ignored the stinging sensation in his stomach at Lance’s words. Now was not the time for his emotions to cloud his judgement. He just needed to focus on the mission in front of him. 

 

“How much further to the plant, do you think?” Keith asked, changing the topic. 

 

“We should be getting-what was that?!” Lance said with a small yelp.

 

Keith turned quickly towards Lance, his heart starting to race. “What was what?” 

 

Lance was motionless, staring wide-eyed at the murky sewage. “I just…” Lance said, his voice slightly trembling. 

 

“You just what?” Keith asked urgently. 

 

“Felt something against my leg.” Lance said quietly. 

 

If it had been any other situation, Keith would have just shrugged it off as Lance being paranoid. But Keith was not taking any chances. Not this time. 

 

Keith tightened his grip on the dagger in his hand and said, “We need to get moving. Now!” 

 

Lance seemed to snap out of his frozen state at Keith’s voice. “You’re right. Let’s hurry.” 

 

Keith once again led the two down the hallway, glancing back at Lance often to make sure he was still there. He also kept an eye on the sewage around them, looking for ripples that might tell him they weren’t alone. He saw none. 

 

“Ah! I felt it again!” Lance said, panic in his voice. “Keith, I think we’re being hunted!”

 

“Just keep moving.” Keith said firmly, feeling a slight breeze ghost across his face. Just a little further and they’d be out of the sewer. “We’re almost to the exit. I can feel it.”

 

A few moment of silence passed between them, only the sound of them moving hastily through the sewage could be heard. 

 

The silence was broken by a short scream and the sound of a splash.

 

Keith spun around to see Lance’s gloved hand disappearing below the surface of the sewage. 

 

Keith didn’t hesitate. He didn’t even stop to think. He only reacted, his body moving purely on impulse. It didn’t matter that we was waist deep in shit. It didn’t matter that he had no idea where Lance was. It didn’t matter that he was being incredibly reckless. He was not about to let Lance die again. Certainly not in a place like this.

 

It only took Keith a moment to reach the last place he saw Lance. There was no movement except for his own presence upon the surface of the sewage. Lance could be anywhere. 

 

“Dammit! Lance! Where are you?” Keith yelled through his comms, his desperation getting the better of him. There was no answer.

 

He knew that Lance wasn’t dead...at least not yet. Things would’ve already reset if Lance had died. That meant he still had time. He could still save Lance.

 

There was the small comfort that Lance wouldn’t drown. He had his helmet on afterall. That bought Keith a little more time. 

 

Keith didn’t know what to do but he knew he had to do something. Without another thought, Keith plunged himself into the murky sewage. He did his best to grip the bottom of the tunnel and then pushed himself forward through the brown water. He could only see a couple of feet in front of him, the murkiness of the sewage impairing his abilities, but he didn’t care. 

 

He strained his ears, trying to hear any unnatural movement in the sewage. It felt like ages before something changed. It was only for a moment but a streak of red amongst the brown water passed him. 

 

“No…” Keith said quietly to himself. “No no no no no…” 

 

Keith kicked his legs harder, willing himself to go faster. He passed more red, each time the color darker. He was close. He had to be. 

 

Then he saw it. 

 

He saw the source of the red suspended amongst the brown. Keith swallowed the bile that had risen in his throat and then reached out towards the red. He felt something solid in his hand. He latched onto it and pulled it towards him. He braced his feet against the bottom and pushed himself towards the surface, what he hoped was Lance in tow. 

 

He broke the surface, immediately deactivating his mask and ripping off his hood. He looked down at the person in his grasp. He recognized the blue and white armor.

 

“Lance!” Keith said, a feeling of relief flowing over him. Keith couldn’t see Lance’s face, his helmet covered in brown sludge from being submerged for so long. Keith pulled off Lance’s helmet with the hand that wasn’t supporting Lance’s weight. 

 

Lance’s eyes were closed and his breath was shallow. Keith felt something grip his heart. How? How could this have happened again?

 

“Lance…” Keith said softly, placing a hand softly on the side of Lance’s face. He ignored the pool of red that surrounded them. “Lance, please open your eyes.”

 

As if by some miracle, Lance’s eyes fluttered open. “Keith? You found me…” His voice was hoarse and tired, only loud enough for Keith to hear. 

 

“Of course I did.” Keith said, trying to keep his own voice from sounding choked. “We’re going to get you some help. You’ll be alright. I promise.”

 

He saw a small smile ghost across Lance’s expression. “Don’t make promises you can’t keep.” He said, sounding almost happy. 

 

“I’m not gonna let you die.” Keith said, water starting to build behind his eyes. “Not again…”

 

“Again?” Lance asked before his face twisted in pain. 

 

“Lance!” Keith said, no longer trying to hide his desperation. “Stay with me, please!”

 

Lance’s expression relaxed again. “You and I both know that’s not possible.” His voice was softer than before. “I’ve lost too much blood. This is it for me.”

 

“Don’t you dare say that. Don’t you give up on me.” Keith could feel the fresh streams of water spilling down his face. No matter how many times he saw it, no matter how many different ways it happened, Lance’s death would never get any easier. 

 

“Keith, please. Just...stay with me. Until the end…” Keith could see Lance’s struggle to keep his eyes open. 

 

Keith leaned down so his forehead rested gently against Lance’s. “I promise...until the end…”

 

\-----

 

Keith sat up, his whole body shaking. He could still feel the tears stinging his eyes. He gripped the blankets of his bed, the images of a dying Lance in his arms surrounded by a pool of blood replaying in his mind over and over again.

 

What had he done to deserve a hell like this? 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading and I hope you enjoyed it!  
> Any and all feedback you are willing and able to give is greatly appreciated.   
> Stay safe and I'll see ya next time!
> 
> ~Redjay


	5. Enough is Enough

Keith didn’t want to. It was as simple as that. Keith didn’t want to get up. He didn’t want to meet up with the Voltron team. He didn’t want to sit through the same debriefing that he’d already heard. He didn’t want to see Lance alive and well with hardly a care in the world, no idea what was waiting for him. He didn’t want to set foot on Taxion. He didn’t want to try to save Lance because he knew what would happen. He would fail and Lance would die in some unspeakably horrific way. There was only so much death Keith could take before it got to him.

So instead, Keith sat on his bed in the dark, staring blankly at his hands that were still gripping his blanket. He wasn’t sure how long he had been sitting there, but he knew that eventually someone would come looking for him. He didn’t care.

 

As if on cue there was a banging on his door, a deep Galran voice calling his name, telling him to stop being lazy and report to the main deck. Keith ignored them. He felt frozen in place, his body refusing to move towards what was inevitably going to happen.

 

His mind kept replaying Lance’s most recent death, his last words ringing in his ears.

 

_“Until the end…”_

 

What a cruel thing to ask of Keith. If only Lance knew how many ends he had. And to make Keith be there for every single one? It truly was a sick request, not that Lance had known that.

 

There was another loud banging on Keith’s door which Keith ignored again. They couldn’t make him go out there. He refused. He wouldn’t watch a friend die.

 

Not again.

 

\-----

 

Keith heard muffled voices coming from outside his room. If he had to guess, he had been sitting in the dark for at least an hour. So it really came as no surprise to him that people were starting to get worried.

 

“Human emotions are still foreign to us.” Keith heard Kolivan say. “It might be best for someone with more experience to talk to him. I don’t think I need to remind you how important this mission is. We need him.” Whoever Kolivan was talking to didn’t respond, but Keith didn’t really care who it was. Nothing anyone could say would convince him to take part in the mission today.

 

Keith heard the door to his room slide open, the light from the hallway pouring into his room before the door closed, covering him in darkness again.

 

“Keith.” He heard a familiar voice say. Keith glanced up towards the dark figure that now stood on the opposite side of the room. He didn’t try to mask the concern in his voice. But then again, he had never done that, not when it came to Keith.

 

“Shiro.” Keith replied, his voice slightly hoarse. “I didn’t think they’d actually go so far as to send you just to get me on this mission.”

 

“You’re a valuable member of their team.” Shiro said, crossing the room and sitting at the foot of Keith’s bed. “Of course they’re going to be concerned when you hide yourself away like this.” Shiro’s voice was steady, having seen Keith in this state more than once in the past. Shiro was well equipped to deal with shut-in Keith.

 

It had started back at the garrison, when Shiro had first taken Keith under his wing. Most days, Keith was fine. He could deal with hustle and bustle of life at the garrison, no problem. Even going so far as out performing his peers. But occasionally something would happen. It was usually something small. Like getting called a teacher’s pet or accidently overhearing his classmates talk about him behind his back, saying that they wished he would mess up just once; just so he could be taken down a peg. When those things happened, Keith would lock himself away, trying his best to hold it together.

 

He had never had an easy life, bouncing between foster homes as a child, each one worse than the last. He had learned to not make a mistake because a mistake meant punishment. Punishment meant a night locked in the shed or a day without food. So Keith stopped messing up. He couldn’t afford to and he carried that with him to the garrison. But he learned all too quickly when he got there that not messing up was just as bad, if not worse, as messing up all the time.

 

So really, who could blame Keith for having the occasional breakdown in his room? Shiro hadn’t. Never once had he said it was Keith’s fault for feeling vulnerable or not good enough. And Keith was grateful for that. Shiro had acted like an anchor when Keith needed it most and nothing he could ever do would repay that.

 

But this particular breakdown was different from the ones at the garrison. This wasn’t over something he overheard in the hallway. No, this was about something much worse and Keith doubted that Shiro could help.

 

“So why don’t you tell me what’s bothering you.” Shiro said. It wasn’t a demand but Keith knew that one way or another Shiro would get the truth out of him, or at least part of it.

 

Keith took a deep breath, looking down at his hands again instead of at Shiro. “Shiro I...saw Lance die. He was right there...in my arms.” Keith could hear the shakiness in his own voice but he pressed on, the images of Lance bleeding out once again replaying in his mind. “There was nothing I could do. I...I couldn’t save him.” Keith could feel his emotions start to swell up inside him as he vocalized exactly what he’d been thinking for the last hour. Keith let go of the blankets for the first time since the reset, reaching up to grip the hair on either side of his head, pulling slightly as if that would anchor him to reality. He could feel the water starting to build behind his eyes again but he blinked it away. He didn’t need Shiro to see him cry. “And do you know what he said to me? He asked me to stay. He asked me to stay and watch him die...and I did. I stayed and watched as he bled out and there was nothing...nothing I could…”

 

Keith fell into silence, unable to continue speaking. Shiro had waited until Keith was finished to speak.

 

“Seeing a friend die is never easy.” Shiro said, his voice quiet but unwavering. “Even if it is just a dream.” Keith decided not to correct him on that misunderstanding. “And living with that memory isn’t easy either. It hurts knowing that they’re gone. It’s the kind of pain that never really goes away. But it’s important to remember that even if you couldn’t save them, you never abandoned them. You were there for them until the very end.” Keith looked up at Shiro, a realization dawning upon him. “Staring death in the face is terrifying, believe me. But it’s a little less terrifying if someone is there with you. So even if all you can do is be there with them, that’s enough.”

 

“It is?” Keith asked, his voice almost a whisper.

 

Shiro nodded. “It is.”

 

Silence fell between the two as Keith processed what Shiro had said. Thinking back to that moment, nothing could have pulled him away from Lance. It didn’t matter if Lance had wanted him to stay or not. He had thought that by being unable to save Lance that he had somehow failed him, but that wasn’t the case at all. To Lance in that moment, Keith _had_ saved him. He had saved him from facing death alone. It was a different kind of saving. A kind that Keith hadn’t known existed. And while it wasn’t ideal, it was enough.

 

But if he stopped being there for Lance, knowing that he was going to die, what kind of friend did that make him? He would be abandoning Lance when he needed help most. That was something Keith couldn’t live with.

 

That’s not to say that Keith would stop trying his hardest to save Lance’s life. But if he failed again, he would know that he wasn’t really failing Lance. And although Keith had no idea how many more times Lance was going to die before Keith got it right, Keith was willing to be there for all of Lance’s deaths as long as it meant that Lance wouldn’t have to experience them alone. That much he could do for Lance.

 

“Alright.” Keith said, running a hand through his hair. “We shouldn’t keep the others waiting.”

 

Shiro nodded and stood up from Keith’s bed. “No, we shouldn’t. Get ready. I’ll meet you on the castle. I’m sure everyone is looking forward to seeing you.” Shiro crossed the room and pressed the button to Keith’s door which slid open. “Oh,” Shiro said, turning back to look at Keith. “And I promise that Lance is alive and just as... _Lance_ as you remember him.”

 

Keith couldn’t help but smile at that. “Hey, Shiro?” Keith asked.

 

“Yeah?”

 

“Could you keep this conversation between the two of us? If Lance knew I would never hear the end of it…” Keith could feel his face turn slightly red.

 

“Tell Lance? Wouldn’t dream of it.” Shiro replied with a friendly smile before leaving Keith’s room.

 

Keith was alone again but this time things didn’t seem so hopeless. That was something Keith could hold onto.

 

\-----

 

Keith did his best to not look at Lance as he arrived on the bridge of the castle. Actually, he did his best to not look at anyone. He already knew what they were all thinking. He was sure everyone knew that Shiro had to coax him out of his room and he really wasn’t in the mood to deal with their wondering looks. He had other things to focus on.

 

Things like how he was going to try to keep Lance alive today. Getting Pidge involved again was a good idea, provided that they found a different way into the power plant. But there wasn’t enough time to explain everything to them again. It seemed like he was one his own this time around.

 

Which, Keith realized, left him with only one option. Lance was going to have to infiltrate the commander’s house. Every other route had gotten him killed so far. The only issue, however, was the fact that the commander’s house was a one man job. Keith still needed to keep an eye on Lance in case he ran into trouble.

 

Keith supposed he could be the eyes on the ground but instead of doing his job, he could just follow Lance. It wasn’t his favorite plan. He didn’t like the idea of abandoning his position but if it was to save Lance? He would do it.

 

Kolivan had started the debriefing meeting already, not that Keith was paying attention. He still had about another fifteen minutes until the assignments were distributed. Until then, Keith would just have to be patient.

 

He risked glancing at Lance who was on the other side of the room. He looked like he always did - happy, relaxed, not a care in the world. Like he was untouchable.

 

“Hey, if you want I can make up some excuse for you to stay behind at the command center.” Pidge said quietly from Keith’s side.

 

Keith turned his gaze to them, raising an eyebrow. “How’d you know that you were going to be manning the command center?” He asked quietly.

 

“Oh please,” Pidge said with a knowing smirk. “They would be stupid not to let me run the command center. So, what do ya think? You want me to spin some bullshit for you?”

 

Keith shook his head. “No thanks. I’m more useful on the ground. I’ll be fine.”

 

“Are ya sure?” Pidge asked.

 

“I’m sure. Besides,” Keith said, once again turning his gaze towards Lance. “There’s something I need to do there.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading and I hope you enjoyed it!  
> Any and all feedback you are willing and able to give is greatly appreciated.  
> Stay safe and I'll see ya next time!
> 
> ~Redjay


	6. To Die For

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: This chapter contains suicide.

Keith had underestimated Lance’s instincts. He wasn’t sure what had led him to the conclusion that following Lance without him noticing was going to be easy but he quickly found out that he was dead wrong. 

 

Keith did everything like he was supposed to. He kept a safe distance between himself and Lance. He stuck close to the walls of the various tents and stands, keeping to the shadows when he was able to. He blended into the crowd while moving from one position to the next. And although Keith didn’t like to brag, he was  _ good  _ at it. Subterfuge was a skill that he’d grown quite accustomed to while training with the Blade. 

 

But he felt like a rookie again the way that Lance continuously looked over his shoulder in Keith’s direction, eyes narrowed slightly. There was no doubt in Keith’s mind that Lance knew someone was following him. To be honest, it wouldn’t be the end of the world if Lance discovered Keith. Mostly Keith just wanted to avoid the questions that would follow if he was caught. 

 

But as if staying out of Lance’s line of vision wasn’t already hard enough, he also had to keep an eye on the sentries that patrolled the market. He had an idea as to what would happen if they spotted Lance so it was in his best interest to not let that happen. 

 

All in all, Keith had his work cut out for him. 

 

But eventually, Keith spotted the large, mansion-like house situated directly in the center of Taxion’s market. It was an obnoxiously ornate building surrounded but a large barred fence, an unusual thing for a Galra. But for all of its lavish, the building looked crude. Like someone had simply taken an ordinary looking building and forced the gold plating and jeweled crests onto it, the many ornaments not quite fitting like they should. It was a forced display of wealth at best. A badly kept lie. Keith could only imagine the kind of person the commander was. 

 

But once Keith got past the gross display of power, he noticed something else quite strange about the building. It looked almost abandoned. Less than half a dozen sentries were patrolling the perimeter of the gate that encircled the mansion, far fewer than Keith would have anticipated given the security around the market. Hadn’t Kolivan mentioned that the reason they could only send one person in was because the place would be so heavily guarded? Something felt off about it, something that created an uneasy feeling in the pit of Keith’s gut. 

 

It seemed like Lance was noticing the same thing. Keith could see his tight grip on his bayard from where he was hiding just a building back from Lance’s current position. He could practically feel the tension in Lance’s shoulders. Keith just hopped that Lance’s own uneasiness would keep him from doing anything stupid - like getting killed for instance. 

 

Keith saw Lance’s lips move but couldn’t make out what he had said from his current spot, the sounds of the market drowning out Lance’s voice. A moment or so passed as Lance listened to whatever the person - probably Pidge- on the other end of the comm said. He then gave a slight nod in affirmation, giving a short response, then moved out from behind the building and headed towards the side of the mansion. 

 

Keith followed, still keeping a safe distance from Lance. He didn’t know what Pidge had told Lance, but he could bet that it involved getting into the mansion. Keith continued to feel a nervous churning in his gut but he pushed it aside for the moment, reminding himself that he would be there to stop anything from happening to Lance. 

 

Keith saw Lance disappear around the side of the mansion, and he rushed to follow him, keeping an eye on the patrolling sentries so as not to catch their attention. He had no idea how Lance was going to get over that fence and into that building. When he was the one infiltrating the commander’s house he had never gotten this far. So all Keith could really do was wait and see what Lance had planned. 

 

As Keith rounded the same corner as Lance had done previously he wasn’t at all surprised to see that this street was just as crowded as all the other ones. What he was surprised to see was Lance sliding into the side door of the mansion. How he had managed to get past the fence in so short of time Keith didn’t know, but he couldn’t stand around trying to figure it out while Lance went to capture the commander alone. 

 

Keith approached the area of the fence near the side door Lance had used moments ago. It looked normal, unharmed. That didn’t make any sense. Lance surely would’ve been spotted if he had tried to go over the fence and going under it was certainly not an option. 

 

So how then?

 

Keith, seeing that there currently wasn’t an sentries around, risked getting closer to the fence. He reached out and grabbed one of the metal bars, shaking it a little to see how sturdy it was. The bar hardly moved which Keith expected but he also heard the faintest of scraping sounds. He was sure that wasn’t right. 

 

He glanced around again to make sure no one had noticed him. He was grateful that the crowd around him was to thick, giving him enough cover to go unnoticed. Satisfied that he wasn’t being watch, Keith knelt down and grabbed the bottom of the bar, pulling gently. 

 

Yep. That was definitely the same sound as before. He smiled slightly to himself. He really needed to stop underestimating Lance’s ability for strategy. 

 

He rolled his shoulders once before gripping the bar with both hands and pulling. It took a moment but with small metallic pop the bottom quarter of the bar came out of place, leaving a hole big enough for someone to slip through. Keith didn’t waste any time. He set the bar down and then quickly climbed through, the market-goers too wrapped up in their own world to either notice or care about what he was doing. Once on the other side, Keith took a few seconds to shove the bar back into place. Just in case. He wasn’t leaving anything to chance with Lance’s life on the line. He soundlessly darted across the small gap between the fence and the mansion before using the same door Lance had used to enter. 

 

It was dark inside the mansion, the only light being the few dim galran lamps that were placed unevenly about the room. They casted everything in a shade of dark purple, a color Keith had often seen from his run-ins with the Galra before. From what Keith could tell, he was in some sort of storage room, crates and boxes alike lining the walls. In the distance he could hear a muffled voice, not Lance’s. He had a feeling, though, that if he headed towards the source of the voices he would find Lance. 

 

Keith wove between the stacks of boxes and exited the room, careful to check the adjoining hallway for any sentries before doing so. Oddly enough, it was empty. The uneasiness in Keith began to grow. He really did not have a good feeling about this place. Still, he needed to find Lance so he pressed on. He stuck close to the wall as he moved towards the end of the hallway, straining his ears, trying to pick up what the voice was saying. 

 

“You see, the element of surprise only works if I’m actually surprised. Take that away and all you’re really left with is you walking into my trap.” 

 

Sirens went off in Keith’s mind. There could only be one person that voice was talking to. The only other person that was trying to sneak into this mansion. The one person that Keith was supposed to keep alive. 

 

“ _ Dammit! _ ” Keith swore under his breath and pushed his legs into a run towards the end of the hallway. He needed to hurry. He knew the commander wouldn’t keep Lance alive for long. Keith slowed down as he approached the doorway at the end of the hall. The voice sounded like it was coming from the other side of the door. 

 

“Frankly, I feel a little insulted!” The commander’s voice - or at least Keith assumed it was the commander speaking - was rough just like every other galra voice he’d heard, but it had a laid back air about. Confident. Arrogant. Just the right recipe to piss Keith off more than he already was. “I mean, they could’ve at  _ least  _ sent someone more competent!” 

 

Keith quietly turned the knob on the door, grateful that it didn’t have one of those spacey sliding doors. He pushed the door open slightly, just enough to see into the next room. No matter how pissed off or desperate he was, he knew that charging in without a plan would be the death of both of them. But he was no Lance. He had no nack for strategy. So instead he was going to have to watch and wait for an opening. 

 

Keith felt his heart drop as he spotted Lance kneeling in the middle of the room, a sentry on either side holding him in place. His helmet was gone and he wasn’t holding his bayard. From this angle Keith couldn’t see his face but he could see the commander. He wasn’t a tall Galra but he did look like a dick, at least Keith thought so. Instead of the normal Galra armor, he had one what looked like a silk purple bathrobe, embroidered with gold patterns, and a gold cord was tied around his waist. Keith really really  _ really  _ didn’t want to know what would happen if that cord came untied. 

 

“Just look at you!” The commander said, strolling up to Lance and grabbing him under the chin, jerking his head to the left and then right. “You’re more of a moving target than a soldier, much less a paladin.” 

 

Lance didn’t say anything in return and Keith wished he could see his face, if only to know what Lance was thinking. The commander let go of Lance with a scoff. “Pathetic. You think you can just sneak into my house and I wouldn’t know about it?” The commander let out a curt laugh. “You didn’t stand a chance. But I will admit that the little tip I got did help.”

 

Keith saw Lance’s body tense up. “Tip?” He heard Lance ask. “What tip?” Keith wanted to know the answer too but he doubted that the commander would just come right out and say it. In actuality, it was taking everything Keith had to not go bursting in the room at this very moment. His entire body screamed at him to move before it was too late. Before something happened to Lance. But he remained still, waiting for the right moment, waiting for an opening. He had one shot at saving Lance and he wasn’t about to waste it. 

 

He heard the commander let out a low chuckle. “You’ve got a traitor amongst you. They gave me a juicy little tip about some rat trying to sneak into  _ my  _ house.” And evil smile formed on the commander’s face as he squatted down in front of Lance to look him directly in the eye. “Ya know, they gave me another little tip. Do you want to know what it was?” 

 

Lance didn’t respond but Keith had a feeling he didn’t need to in order to get the answer. Keith swallowed hard as he waited for the commander to continue. 

 

The commander, menacing smile still etched on his face, shifted his eyes from Lance’s face to the door Keith was currently hiding behind. Keith felt his blood run cold, eyes widening as realization and fear took hold of him. 

 

“They told me you’d be followed in.” 

 

In that moment, Keith felt metal arms with iron grips grab him on either side. His dagger was yanked out of his hands and his hood was ripped off his head, automatically deactivating his mask. Keith struggled against the sentries that had ahold of him but it was to no avail. He couldn’t get them to loosen their grip. 

 

Keith was angry at himself for letting his guard down like that. How could he just let his dagger be taken from him like that? It was a rookie mistake and it was all because that commander mentioned something about a traitor. Not to mention the fact that he now had little to no chance of saving Lance. Anger fueled his struggle but no matter which way he twisted or turned the robotic hands on him remained firm.  

 

Keith tried to plant his feet to get some leverage against the sentries but it was in vain. The sentries didn’t even seem phased as they dragged him through the door and into the large room where the commander and Lance were waiting for him. 

 

“Keith?!” He heard Lance say, a strain to his voice. “What’re you doing here?”

 

The sentries positioned Keith about ten feet in front of Lance, pushing on his shoulders until his knees gave out and he fell to the ground, now in the same position as Lance. Keith looked up at Lance’s shocked face, a devastating feeling washing over him. 

 

“I came to rescue you, dumbass. Didn’t work out so well.” Keith tried to give Lance a reassuring look. It wasn’t so much for Lance, but rather a feeble attempt to convince himself that Lance was going to come out of this one alive. 

 

“Well, isn’t this touching?” The commander said, a sneer to his voice. “A reunion of friends. How wonderful!” 

 

Keith shifted his gaze to the commander, shooting him with a glare born from anger. He really did not care for this Galra. 

 

“Oh, don’t be like that.” The commander said, not sounding the least bit phased by Keith’s look. “We’re going to have some fun, you’ll see.” 

 

Keith glanced back at Lance, not liking the way the commander said “fun”. He couldn’t ignore the nauseating feeling he got in the pit of his stomach. Things were not going to end well for them. But, Keith had already decided that he was was going to be there for Lance no matter what. No matter what this commander had planned, he wouldn’t abandon Lance. 

 

The commander held out his hand and one of the sentires in the room placed a small gun in it. “Now,” He said, stretching out his words as if he was trying to decide something. Keith knew that he had already made up his mind. “I think I’m going to kill you first.” He said, strolling up to Keith and placing the barrel against the side of his head. 

 

Keith felt his senses kick into overdrive. He could practically hear his own heartbeat pounding against his ribcage. Keith had been close to death before but never  _ this  _ close. One twitch of a finger and it was all over for him. There was no reset for his life. 

 

Keith locked eyes with Lance, unable to hide the fear that pulsed through his veins and consumed his thoughts. Keith didn’t want to die. He still had things he needed to do. If he died, no one would be able to save Lance. 

 

Whatever emotions Keith was feeling was undoubtedly picked up by Lance due to the next thing out of his mouth,

 

“If you’re gonna kill anyone, kill me.”

 

There was no hesitation in Lance’s voice, not even a hint of worry or fear. It was strong, firm...demanding. It shook Keith to his core, breaking through the fear and placing something deep within him that was unnamed. Something that Keith didn’t know he’d been missing until this very moment. He had experienced glimpses of it, brief fleeting feelings of it after Lance had first sacrificed himself for Keith, but it was nothing compared to what Keith was experiencing now. 

 

“Well, now things are getting interesting.” The commander said, letting out a sharp chuckle. “You would give up your own life so save his?” 

 

“Yes.” Lance replied immediately. “I’d do anything.”

 

“Anything, you say? How moving.” The commander said, dropping the gun to his side and strolling over to Lance. “Then I propose we make a little deal, you and I. Oh, this will be fun. Let him stand.” 

 

The sentries pulled Lance to his feet but still kept a firm grip on his arms. “What kind of deal?” Lance asked. 

 

“A simple deal, really.” The commander replied. “I promise to keep your friend over there alive if,” The commander held out his hand towards Lance, offering him the small gun. “You kill yourself. Right in front of him, of course.”

 

Keith felt his heart seize and any practical thoughts seemed to fly out the window. He seemed to forget about the reset, the hopelessness of the situation they were in now, and everything else in between.

 

“Don’t do it!” Keith shouted, struggling once more against the sentries. “Don’t you fucking dare, Lance!” 

 

Lance didn’t acknowledge Keith, instead looking down at the gun that was being offered to him. “He’ll live?” Lance asked quietly. 

 

“You have my word.” The commander replied, his voice dripping with pleasure.

 

Lance shifted his gaze over to Keith once again, a tender look in his eyes. 

 

“Lance, listen to me. It’s not worth it.  _ I’m  _ not worth it.” Keith said, locking eyes with Lance in an attempt to dissuade him. 

 

“Oh! And in case you try anything funny.” The commander said, snapping his fingers. Keith felt the weight of a blaster push against the back of his head. He immediately froze, his muscles tensing up. “Well, let’s just say he won’t make it out.” 

 

Lance looked at the commander again and nodded. “I understand.”

 

“Good.” The commander said joyfully. “Then do we have a deal?” 

 

“We do.” 

 

“Lance, if you do this I’m going to kill you myself!” Keith said in a last ditch effort to stop Lance. He’d seen Lance die in a lot of ways. He was foolish to think that he’d already experienced the worst: Lance dying in his arms without any way for Keith to save him. This was far worse. He would never ask Lance or anyone else to kill themselves for him. 

 

The sentries released Lance upon the commander’s signal. Lance rolled his shoulders once before reaching out and taking the gun out of the commander’s hand. “You know, Keith, you’re wrong. You are worth it. The universe needs you but let’s face it...it’ll be just fine without me.” Lance’s voice was soft but steady. He had already made up his mind and Keith knew it. 

 

“Bullshit.” Keith spat back at him, anger and desperation fueling his words. 

 

“It’s not.” Lance replied. “But it’ll be alright, you’ll see.” Lance’s grip on the gun tightened. “Keith, I…there’s something I…” Lance shook his head. “No, nevermind. It’s not important.” Lance took a deep breath and then raised the gun up to the side of his head.

 

“Don’t!” Keith yelled, pain straining his voice. He wanted to close his eyes, look away, but something within him wouldn’t let him. 

 

Lance gave Keith a soft smile, void of any fear he may be feeling. “There’s no one else in the universe I would rather die for.”

 

And then Lance pulled the trigger. 

 

And a shot rang out. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading and I hope you enjoyed it!  
> My goodness, that was a long chapter. I didn't plan on it being so long but I just didn't feel like there was a good stopping point so I just kept writing til I found one. Just consider it a little present from me to you.  
> As always, any and all feedback you are willing to give is greatly appreciated.  
> Stay safe and I'll see ya next time!
> 
> ~Redjay


	7. Breaking the News

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: This chapter contains suicide and mentions of suicide.

Keith saw it all.

 

Every single moment seemed to pass in slow motion, coming in flashes before Keith’s eyes.

 

He saw Lance’s finger squeeze the trigger, a peaceful look on his face; not even a semblance of regret.  

 

He saw the jerk of Lance’s head from the force of the shot.

 

He saw the purple beam of light emerge from Lance’s skull, continuing on until it lodged itself in the far wall.

 

He saw the sprays of red that followed the beam, not traveling nearly as fast but far enough to stain the tiled floor, dark red upon pristine white.

 

He saw the moment the life drained from Lance’s eyes, the vast oceans Keith had known now glazed over as if he was staring at something unseen by others.

 

He saw Lance’s legs give out, his muscles having no source to draw their strength from.

 

He saw Lance fall forward, gun still in hand - taking his killer down with him.

 

He saw Lance hit the ground, the crash of his armor filling up the otherwise silent room. The last echos of Lance.

 

He saw Lance’s face turned slightly towards him, red seeping down towards the soft smile that would forever remain frozen in time. The smile that Lance had given to Keith as a parting gift.

 

Keith felt rather than heard the scream leave his throat, the vibrations of agony resonating throughout his whole being, penetrating his soul and destroying it completely.

 

He felt whatever strength he had left seep out of him as he stared, horrified and empty, at the lifeless form of Lance.

 

\-----

 

Keith sat up almost mechanically, the only organic rhythm being his rapid breathing accompanied by his racing heart. He blinked a few times if only to make sure he was really awake. Everything seemed fuzzy, like he could only barely recall the memories of what had just happened.

 

Keith couldn’t feel anything. His limbs were numb. He could see his fingers move when he willed them to, but it was a foreign movement, like he was moving someone else’s. His throat felt dry, each breath coming out raspy and staggered.

 

The only thing he could feel was an ache coming from his chest, not unlike the one he had experience before. This one was worse though. It consumed him, forcing its way into his thoughts. He couldn’t ignore it and he couldn’t make it stop. His only option was to embrace it, let it flow through him in hopes that he could understand it.

 

Keith thought back to what Lance had said.

 

_“There’s no one else in the universe I would rather die for.”_

 

What an idiot. Keith wasn’t worth dying for. Keith couldn’t even manage to save one person’s life, let alone the whole universe. No, Lance was far better suited for that line of work.

 

So, why then? Why was Lance so willing to do something like that for Keith? It didn’t make any sense…

 

Unless…

 

_“Keith, I…there’s something I…”_

 

Could he have meant…?

 

No, that was ridiculous. There was a million other reasons for Lance to sacrifice himself. Keith was sure of it. And if by some weird happenstance it was true, Keith didn’t even know how he would react to that. Sure, he thought Lance was attractive. Who wouldn’t? He was the dictionary definition of tall, dark, and handsome. And yeah, lately Keith had actually been able to be around Lance without wanting to tear his head off. And if Keith really thought about it, Lance had been very...gentle - something that Keith wouldn’t say he hated - especially when he was about to die. Keith recalled the look of relief on Lance’s face when he saved Keith from the bomb, the relaxed expression on his face as he bled out in Keith’s arms, and the most recent smile directed at Keith as he…

 

The ache in Keith’s chest intensified and he closed his eyes, bracing himself against the pain. There was really no other way to look at it. Lance was harboring some unspoken feelings for Keith.

 

Keith had no idea what to do with that information.

 

No, it was more like he didn’t know what he _wanted_ to do with that information.

 

Part of him wanted to forget it, pretend like it wasn’t true. In actuality, Keith was only mostly sure. He couldn’t see another way to interpret Lance’s behavior but that didn’t mean there wasn’t one. And what if he said something and was wrong? Keith would be mortified. So it was probably best if Keith just ignored it. It would be better for everyone that way.

 

But if Keith was being honest with himself, there was another part of him, small but definitely there, that actually hoped it was true. And that scared Keith.

 

Keith let out a long breath and ran his hands through his hair a couple of times. Now was not the time to be losing it. He had more important things to deal with, like finding this supposed traitor on top of saving Lance’s life. He thought things would get easier the more times he went through the reset but things only seemed to be getting more complicated. He had his work cut out for him, that’s for sure.

 

Keith had no idea who this traitor could be. The idea of anyone from the Blade or team Voltron betraying them was almost funny. It just didn’t seem possible.

 

But then again…

 

That commander had definitely known they were coming. Keith couldn’t think of another way he could’ve known that. So, it was probably safer to assume that there was one...which meant that whoever they are already told the commander about their plans and whoever was sent to his house today was going to be walking right into a trap.

 

“Damn…” Keith said, searching his brain for a solution.

 

Then something clicked in his brain, a plan started forming in his mind. Yeah, it could definitely work.

 

Keith just wished it wasn’t the shittiest plan he had ever come up with.

 

\-----

 

“Hey, Lance. Long time no see...so, um the thing is, I’m stuck in a time loop triggered by your death and I think there might be a traitor somewhere. So, I kinda need you to make sure you die after I figure out who the traitor is today so that everything resets and I stop them before anyone gets hurt and hopefully save your life…”

 

Keith sighed. It was no use. No matter how he worded it, he sounded insane. But in the end, he really didn’t have a choice. He had no other plan.

 

“Okay.” Keith said as the elevator arrived at the bridge of the castle. “Here goes nothing.”

 

The door slid open and Keith was greeted with a familiar scene. Lance was exactly where Keith knew he would be so he wasted no time in making his way over to him. Keith needed as much time as he could get in explaining everything to Lance. He wasn’t even sure if Lance would believe him but he had to try.

 

“Lance.” He said, an unexpected wave of gratitude sweeping over him. For the first time Keith seemed to _really_ grasp the fact that the man in front of him would literally take a bullet for him. How was Keith supposed to react to something like that?

 

“Mullet.” Came the reply.

 

And suddenly all the gratitude was gone, a true mystery.

 

“What? Did you miss me so much you just had to come talk to me? It’s okay, I understand. I would have a hard time not seeing this beautiful face too.” Lance shot him with a I’m-only-doing-this-because-I-know-it’ll-piss-you-off look. And it worked, Keith did feel a pang of irritation. There was no way this was the same Lance as the one in the commander’s house. It simply wasn’t possible.

 

“As thrilling as this conversation is, I really need to talk to you somewhere a little more private.” Keith said, glancing around the room which now housed all of team Voltron and ten or so Blade members.

 

Lance raised an eyebrow, seeming caught off guard. “Um...sure. I guess.”

 

“Great.” Keith said. “The lounge should work.”

 

Lance only nodded in response, confusion present in his expression. Keith didn’t blame him. He would be confused too if the roles were reversed.

 

Keith led the way out of the bridge and down the hall to the lounge. It was a short walk but Keith could feel the tension between them. Keith was still trying to piece together how he was going to explain everything to Lance without completely freaking him out, and he was sure Lance was trying to figure out what Keith could tell him that he couldn’t say in front of other people.

 

This conversation was going to be rough Keith decided.

 

The two entered the lounge, the room completely empty as Keith expected.

 

“So, what did you need to talk to me about?” Lance asked, curiosity clearly getting the better of him.

 

“So um…I’m going to tell you something and it’s going to sound crazy, impossible even.” Keith started.

 

“Everything you say is crazy. I think I’ll manage.” Came Lance’s reply.

 

Keith gave him a skeptical look but said, “I’m stuck in a time loop.”

 

Silence.

 

Keith could hear the nervous beating of his own heart as he waited for some sort of reaction from Lance.

 

“Why does all the cool stuff always happen to you?” Lance asked, his face falling into a slight pout and a touch of jealousy in his voice.

 

That was definitely wasn’t the reaction he had been expecting. “Wait, so you believe me?”

 

Lance gave a shrug. “I mean, only people who are actually in a time loop say they’re in a time loop. Plus, we’ve come across a lot of weird shit while we’ve been out here. It’s honestly not even that surprising. Shame you are stuck in it though...I always wanted to get stuck in one.”

 

“Believe me, it’s not as glamorous as your imagining it.” Keith said, swallowing the bile that had risen in his throat from thinking about Lance’s last death.

 

“Are you kidding me?” Lance said, his voice rising in excitement. “Getting to know exactly what’s gonna happen? Finding new ways to live the same day? Getting to fix whatever mistakes you make? That’s gotta be amazing!”

 

“Uh…” Keith was at a loss for words. How was he supposed to tell him about the whole him-dying thing if he was this hyped?

 

“Hey, how does it reset? Do you just fall asleep and wake up to the same day? Or is there like something that triggers it?” Lance asked.

 

Well, no time like the present. “Actually, you’re the trigger…” Keith said slowly.

 

Keith could see Lance’s face light up. “Really? Me? What, do I heroically save your life or something?”

 

“Sometimes…” Keith said. It wasn’t technically a lie.

 

“Hell yeah!” Lance said, shooting Keith a proud grin. “I’m awesome.”

 

Keith needed to stop this before it went too far. “Lance, it’s your death. Your death is the trigger.”

 

Keith could see Lance visibly freeze and he was afraid for a second that he had broken him.

 

“What…?” Lance asked quietly, his eyes slightly wide in horror and shock. “My death…?”

 

Keith nodded, not sure exactly how to respond. This was all new territory for him as well. If someone told him that he was going to die by the end of day, he was pretty sure he wouldn’t have taken the news any better.

 

“Keith…” Lance said slowly, as if he was testing out his words before vocalizing them. “Have you been...watching me die?”

 

“Yeah…” Keith said softly, not looking at Lance but rather at the ground. Flashes of Lance shooting himself infiltrated his thoughts, sending a new wave of pain through him. “I have…”

 

And suddenly arms were around him, pulling him tight against Lance’s chest. Keith was completely caught off guard, but he didn’t resist. Lance was warm and welcoming, something that Keith desperately needed right now. For days now he’d been completely alone in dealing with Lance’s deaths, dealing with each one as it came and then setting it aside for Lance’s sake. He had willingly watched Lance die over and over again and he would continue to do so if it only meant that he might get the chance to save him. But as Lance embraced him, Keith let the emotions he had pushed aside flood through him. Watching Lance die would never get any easier, but if it meant saving someone as good-hearted, as self-sacrificing, as irritating as Lance...well, Keith would just have to power through.

 

“I’m sorry…” Lance whispered, barely loud enough for Keith to hear. “I’m so sorry…”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading and I hope you enjoyed it!  
> Things are certainly starting to get interesting, if I do say so myself.  
> Also, I don't usually like to boast about my own writing (I think that's kinda tacky) but can we all take a moment to appreciate the opening scene of this chapter. I had a lot of fun writing it and it turned out really well. It's definitely going on my top ten list of favorite scenes that I've written.  
> As always, any and all feedback you are willing and able to give is greatly appreciated.  
> Stay safe and I'll see ya next time!
> 
> ~Redjay


	8. Stuck in the Past

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: suicide and mentions of suicide

“You have nothing to be sorry for…” Keith muttered, still not backing away from Lance. “It’s me who should be apologizing.” 

 

“Are you kidding me?” Lance said, releasing Keith, instead choosing to grip him by the shoulders, holding him at arm’s length. He was angry, Keith could see it. There was a furiosity in Lance’s gaze that froze Keith, unsure as to how to deal with a pissed off Lance. 

 

“N-No…” Keith managed to choke out. “I just...I haven’t been able to save you. Not even once.”

 

Lance let out an irritated sigh, releasing Keith and taking a step away from him. He ran a hand down his face in exasperation. “How many times?” He asked, his voice sharper than Keith was used to. 

 

“Five.” Keith answered, his own voice a little hoarse. 

 

“And how many times have  _ I  _ remembered dying?” He asked. 

 

Keith didn’t see what he was getting at. “Not once.”

 

“And how many times have  _ you  _ remembered me dying?” 

 

“Five…”

 

Oh.

 

Keith understood. 

 

“Do you get it now?” Lance asked, his anger fading somewhat. 

 

Keith did get it. He had to see Lance die and it wasn’t just once. Keith had to see it happen over and over again. And while yes, Lance was the one dying, he got to forget. He didn’t have to remember what it felt like as the bullets tore through his chest. He didn’t have to remember how the explosion had burned him alive. He didn’t have to remember the flesh being ripped from his leg. And he had no memory of putting the gun up to his head and pulling the trigger. But Keith did. He remembered all of those times. And even when he escaped this time loop, he would have to keep remembering. Keith didn’t think he could ever forget. 

 

When Keith didn’t answer the question, Lance spoke again, his voice a lot softer than before. “Listen, man. I don’t know what you’ve seen or how I’ve...died.” Lance paused, a sickly look in his eyes. “But I do know that you  _ will  _ save me. I know that you won’t stop until you do. There’s a reason that it’s you caught in the time loop and not someone else. So, yeah. I am sorry that you’ve had to go through this and I’m sorry that you’re gonna have to keep going through this. And  _ nothing  _ you say is going to change that.”

 

Keith nodded, his mind racing in a million different directions. Whatever doubt there was before was gone now. There was simply no other way to see it. Somewhere along the way, whether that be back at the garrison or after they had left Earth, Lance had come to care for Keith. 

 

Keith still had no idea what to do with that information. And honestly, he didn’t have the time to figure it out right now. He still needed to catch Lance up to speed on his plan. 

 

“There’s more I haven’t told you.” Keith said, trying his best to keep his voice steady. 

 

“Oh, yeah? What’s that?” Lance asked, his expression serious. 

 

“During the last time around, I discovered that we were sold out.” Keith said. “The commander knew we were coming. He was waiting for us.” 

 

Lance tilted his head to the side in confusion. “Us?” 

 

Keith dropped his eyes to the floor. “Yeah...you and me. But, that’s not the point.” Keith snapped his eyes back up to meet Lance’s. “The point is that someone betrayed us and we need to find out who and stop them. Otherwise, whoever goes to the commander’s house is not walking out alive.” 

 

“Okay, so how do we do that? I mean, even if we find out who it is, they’ve already sold us out so there would be no way to…” Lance trailed off, his eyes widening as he realized Keith’s plan. “The reset…” He muttered, probably to himself. 

 

Keith pushed down the guilty feeling that was rising within him. “I know that what I’m asking isn’t easy, but it’s the only way.” 

 

“I don’t think ‘isn’t easy’ even begins to describe it. You’re asking me to knowingly die.” Lance said, his voice firm and unyielding. 

 

“Not exactly. I’m asking you to make sure you don’t die until I find out who the traitor is. After that...yeah, then you can...ya know, die.” Keith realized he was failing at persuading Lance that this was a good idea. He had never been good at sugarcoating things. 

 

“You’re insane.” Lance said, crossing his arms in defiance. 

 

“Maybe.” Keith said. “But it’s just like you said. You won’t even remember it.”

 

Lance narrowed his eyes, giving Keith a displeased look. “Promise?”

 

“I promise.” Keith said. 

 

Lance sighed, uncrossing his arms. “Fine! I guess if I’m going to die anyway I might as well do it n my own terms. But how’re you even going to begin looking for this traitor?”

 

“Well, I’ve already narrowed it down some.” Keith said. “It could only be someone who knows about the mission. If we had been hacked, Pidge would’ve caught it.” 

 

“Unless Pidge is the traitor.” Lance pointed out. 

 

Keith gave him a flat look. “Pidge just found their brother after not knowing what happened to him for over two years. The same brother, by the way, that was kidnapped by the Galra and forced into slave labor. And if my memory serves me right, their father is still missing.” 

 

“Okay, so the traitor isn’t Pidge.” Lance said, holding his hands up in mock surrender. “Actually...I can’t see anyone on the team being a traitor.”

 

Keith nodded in agreement. “It does seem unlikely...but it would be stupid to let our guard down.”

 

“You’re right.” Lance said, nodding. “But that still doesn’t answer the question as to how we’re gonna find out who it is.” 

 

“What we need to do is find out how they got in touch with the commander. After that we can just trace the message back.” Keith said, wracking his brain for a solution. “The communications base!” He said, an idea popping into his head.“There’s going to be message records there and I can use my Galra DNA to access the information.”

 

“It’s worth a shot.” Lance said. 

 

“Agreed. Okay, let’s get back to the bridge. We’ve got work to do.” 

 

\-----

 

“So, I know that this is gonna be a shitty question and honestly I don’t really want to know the answer, but have I died here?” Lance whispered from where he was crouched behind Keith. The two were hiding just out of sight of the sentires that guarded the front entrance to the communications base. They peered around the corner of the building at the four sentries that blocked their path into the base.

 

Keith felt something grip his insides as he answered. “Once.” 

 

“Oh, okay. Cool.” Lance said, trying to mask the worry in his voice. “And, uh, how exactly did I die?” 

 

“You really don’t want to know.” Keith replied, not really wanting to recount the details.

 

“Well, yeah. I already said that. But I think if I’m trying to stay alive, I should know what to avoid.” Lance said. 

 

Keith had to admit he had a point. Keith took a deep breath, images of the door closing with Lance still on the other side flashing through his mind. “A bomb.” 

 

“Well...shit.” Lance said. “So avoid things that explode. I can do that.” 

 

“Don’t worry.” Keith said, looking back at him. “It’ll only go off if we set it.” 

 

There was a moment of silence, a look of realization spreading across Lance’s face. “Was this one of those heroic deaths?”

 

Keith turned to look back at the sentries, not able to face Lance as he answered, “Yeah.”

 

If Lance wanted to ask more, Keith didn’t let him. He really didn’t want to get into detail right now. Besides, they had other more important things to do. 

 

“Okay, so they’re waiting for us in there. They definitely know we’re coming.” Keith said. 

 

“Are you sure? How do ya know?” Lance asked, seeming to understand Keith’s need to change topics. 

 

“When you and Shiro were here you ended up walking into a trap. Pidge sent me to back you guys up. They mentioned something about how the Galra knew we were coming but I didn’t think anything of it. I was a little preoccupied at the time.” Keith replied. 

 

“So how’re we gonna get in if they already know we’re coming?” Lance asked. 

 

“They think we’re here to sabotage the base.” Keith said. “They’ll be waiting for us in the control room, but we’re not going to the control room.”

 

“Sounds risky.” Lance said. “But if it’s the only way, let’s do it.”

 

“On my count, take out the sentries with your sniper rifle.” Keith said, his body tensing up as he prepared for battle. 

 

He heard Lance activate his bayard next to him. He tapped Keith on the shoulder, and Keith switched places with Lance so he could get a clearer shot. He positioned the rifle so it was pointing at the nearest of the four sentires, closing one eye as he aimed through the scope of the gun. 

 

“Ready.” He said, finger hovering on the trigger. 

 

“Take em down as quickly as possible.” Keith said, his voice posing a slight challenge. He knew Lance always worked best when he was competitive. 

 

“Less than five seconds. Bet on it.” Lance said, his voice slightly sharp.  

 

“Prove it.” Keith said. 

 

As the last word left Keith’s mouth, a shot rang out. 

 

He saw Lance’s finger squeeze the trigger, a peaceful look on his face; not even a semblance of regret.  

 

Another shot rang out. 

 

He saw the purple beam of light emerge from Lance’s skull, continuing on until it lodged itself in the far wall.

 

And another. 

 

He saw the sprays of red that followed the beam, not traveling nearly as fast but far enough to stain the tiled floor, dark red upon pristine white. 

 

And another. 

 

He saw Lance’s face turned slightly towards him, red seeping down towards the soft smile that would forever remain frozen in time.

 

Keith was shaking and he couldn’t stop. He blinked rapidly, trying to discern reality from flashback. He heard the sound of his dagger hitting the pavement but he didn’t remember dropping it. Keith felt himself fall backwards, his back connecting with the stone wall of the building they were next to. His breaths came out in labored huffs, his lungs striving for air that just wouldn't come. He felt the panic rise in his chest as the same images kept playing out in front of him. 

 

“See? What did I tell you? Less than five - Keith!” Lance exclaimed as he turned to face him. 

 

Keith could only barely make out his voice. It sounded distant and muddled, drowned out by the rapid pulsing in his ears. His heart rammed against his ribs, the adrenaline coursing through his veins sending it into overdrive. 

 

“Keith! Keith, can you hear me?” He heard Lance say from so far away. “I’m right here.”

 

Keith saw the commander standing over Lance’s limp body, a menacing laugh echoing in Keith’s ears. He saw the small gun still grasped in Lance’s hand, looking harmless now that it’s handler was unmoving.

 

“Keith. You’re safe. I’m safe. Everything’s okay. I’m alive.” Keith heard Lance’s voice say. 

 

He distantly felt something grab his hand, pulling it until it rested against something solid. Then Keith felt something different, something that didn’t belong. It was a thud and then another, soft but definitely there. It didn’t make any sense.

 

Keith followed it, using the foreign feeling to guide him back to the present, guide him back to Lance’s side. Keith’s heart started to slow, his breathing becoming more relaxed. He started to see the streets of Taxion instead of the commander’s house. Keith, his vision working for him again, searched for Lance’s face. He needed to see that he was okay. 

 

It didn’t take long to find. Lance was kneeling next to him, a concerned expression clear on his face. He had ahold of one of Keith’s hands, pressing it against his chest. Keith could feel the thudding still, the pulse just barely recognizable under Lance’s armor. 

 

“Your heart…” Keith said, his voice low. 

 

“Alive and beating.” Lance said, a relieved smile spreading across his face. 

 

Keith didn’t remove his hand from Lance’s chest, he didn’t want to. He wanted to hold onto those soft thuds, a reminder of what he had to do, a reminder of what he would lose if he failed. He focused on the cadence of those thuds, the thuds that sent a message with every beat. 

 

_ Alive. Alive. Alive. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading and I hope you enjoyed it!  
> There was a ton of dialogue in this chapter and I'm not entirely sure how that happened. I hope that's alright with y'all.   
> As always, any and all feedback you are willing and able to give is greatly appreciated.   
> Stay safe and I'll see ya next time!
> 
> ~Redjay


	9. The Day Where Lance Lives

“Keith, are you okay?” Lance asked, his eyes filled with concern. 

 

“Yeah…” Keith said, his breathing returning to normal and his heart slowing down to its usual pace. He could still feel Lance’s heartbeat through his fingers, anchoring him to reality. “Yeah, I’m sorry. I don’t know what came over me.”

 

Lance shook his head. “You don’t need to apologize.” He looked like he wanted to say something else, opening and closing his mouth a few times before finally settling on, “Are you okay enough to go on?”

 

Keith nodded, reluctantly pulling his hand away from Lance’s chest. The absence of the thudding left him feeling hollow and drained. “Yeah, I’m fine.” 

 

Lance gave him one last concerned look before saying, “Alright, let’s get moving then.” He stood and offered his hand to Keith. Keith took it and Lance pulled him to his feet. Keith ignored the weird ache that started to emerge in his chest. Now was not the time to be dealing with feelings Keith didn’t understand. In fact, he was getting irritated that these foreign emotions kept catching him off guard when he needed to be at his most focused. 

 

Keith grabbed his dagger up from where he had dropped it, pulled the hood up over his head, and activated his mask. He gave a serious looking Lance a nod before checking to make sure the coast was clear and then darting out from around the corner they had been behind and heading straight for the entrance of the communications base. He could hear Lance’s footsteps behind him, and Keith found comfort in the thought of Lance’s having his back. 

 

Keith didn’t look at the fallen sentires, a single shot in each of their heads, as he passed them, afraid that he would fall back into another panic attack. That was the last thing he needed right now. 

 

The two entered the building and it was just how Keith had remembered it, the only difference being the distinct lack of gunfire. Keith led Lance down a different hallway from the one he had been in during his previous visit. He knew what would be waiting for them if they went anywhere near the control room. 

 

“What exactly are we looking for?” Lance asked, his voice a whisper.

 

“Best guess?” Keith replied, voice just as quiet. “Some kind of command center. That’s probably our best bet.” 

 

“So how do we find it?” Lance asked. “Unless you already know where it is?” 

 

“I’ve never been there.” Keith said, stopping at the end of the hall to peer around the corner. “But I think I know how we can locate it.” 

 

“Oh? How?” Lance asked, his back against the wall next to Keith, blaster at the ready.

 

Keith didn’t respond, instead turning his comm on and saying, “Pidge.” 

 

“The one and only.” Came the reply. 

 

“Do you have schematics for the communications base?” Keith asked. 

 

“What kind of question is that? Of course I do. I’m not an ameuture.” Pidge said defensively. 

 

Keith heard Lance let out a little snort and mutter, “Classic Pidge.” At Pidge’s response.

 

“Great. I need to know the way to the command center. Think you can guide us?” Keith said, ignoring Lance. 

 

“Um, yeah sure. But why are you going to the command center? Shouldn’t you be headed to the control room?” Pidge asked, sounding confused. 

 

“Slight change of plan.” Keith said, not really having enough time to get into the whole time loop thing right now. “Which way?” 

 

“Um, let me just get a lock on your location...okay, got it. Looks like you need to head down the hall in front of you. At the end there will be an elevator. Take it up to the top floor.” Pidge said. 

 

“Got it.” Keith said, glancing at Lance to make sure he was ready to move. “Let’s go.” 

 

Keith checked around the corner one last time to make sure it was clear before rounding it and heading down the hallway. 

 

The two were silent as they made their way to the elevator, the tension around them thick enough to cut with Keith’s dagger. They both knew what was at stake. They couldn’t fail this mission if there was any hope of catching the traitor and saving Lance’s life. 

 

They encountered no sentries on their way to the elevator, something Keith wasn’t surprised about. They were all waiting for them to show up at the control room, a mistake Keith wasn’t about to make.

 

Keith pounded his fist on the button to open the elevator doors once they had reached it. The doors slid open easily and the two entered. One more push of a button and they were speeding towards the top floor of the base. 

 

“So how do you plan on taking care of the traitor once you find out who they are?” Lance asked, giving Keith a sidelong glance.

 

Keith hadn’t really thought that far yet. “I don’t know.” Keith said. “I don’t know how they fit into this time loop thing or even  _ if  _ they fit into this time loop. Maybe it was just a coincidence.”

 

“I don’t think it’s a coincidence.” Lance said plainly. 

 

“What do you mean?” Keith asked, curiously.

 

“I mean that it just seems a little too convenient that the mission you just so happen to get stuck in a time loop on is also the mission where I die  _ and  _ the mission that we get betrayed. It sounds more like some bad sci-fi plot than a coincidence.” Lance explained. “No, I’d be willing to bet this traitor knows something about what’s happening to you.” 

 

Keith had to admit Lance had a point. It did seem a little too outlandish to all be meer coincidence, but before he had a chance to respond the doors to the elevator opened, revealing another hallway. 

 

“Okay, Pidge.” Keith said into his comm. “Where to now?” 

 

“Down the hall and take a right. The command center should be at the end of that hall.” Came Pidge’s reply. 

 

“Thanks.” Keith said, once more leading the way down the hallway. Just like the previous floor, this one had a lack of sentries as well, something that Keith was grateful for. The longer they stayed out of battle, the more likely Lance could remain alive until they got the information they needed. 

 

Keith stopped once more as they neared the corner to check so make sure the coast was clear. He doubted there would be any sentries around but he knew better than to take chances in this time loop. Keith could see a large door at the end of the hall. That must’ve been the one Pidge was talking about. 

 

“There’s bound to be some Galra in there.” Lance whispered, looking over Keith’s shoulder at the large door. “We’ll need to take them out.”

 

“You take the ones of the left and I’ll take the ones on the right.” Keith replied. “Don’t let any of them call for help.” Keith was about to head to the door when he felt a hand on his arm, holding him back. 

 

“I think I should take them out alone.” Lance said, his voice coming out firm despite what he was saying. 

 

“What? Why?” Keith asked, confused. 

 

“Because last time you heard gun fire you had a sort of meltdown, in case you forgot.” Lance said, his tone softening. “If that were to happen in the middle of a fight? You could be killed.”

 

“Yeah, and  _ you  _ could be killed if you go in there alone.” Keith replied, feeling somewhat embarrassed and irritated at the same time. 

 

“Hey, I said I wouldn’t die until we had the information and I meant it. You’re gonna need to trust me on this one.” Lance said, a playful smiling forming on his lips. 

 

Keith didn’t like it. He  _ really  _ didn’t like it. But he also knew that Lance had a point. He would be no use to Lance if he was dead. Keith let out a reluctant sigh and said, “Fine. I’ll wait here but don’t do anything reckless and come and get me as soon as you’re done.” 

 

“Yes, sir.” Lance said, giving him a charming salute before heading around the corner. Keith leaned against the wall, doing his best to keep his breathing steady. Lance would be fine. He trusted Lance to take care of himself. He knew that Lance was a good fighter, having seen his abilities first hand. He could do this. Keith had to believe that. 

 

Keith could hear the sound of gunfire coming from the end of the hall. He felt something within him seize, his heart rate starting to pick up. Keith closed his eyes, trying his best to block out the memories that threatened to drag him back to the commander’s house. 

 

As shot after shot echoed down the hallway, Keith couldn’t help but sheath his dagger, deactivate his mask, and put his hands over his ears. The sounds made it worse and Keith desperately needed to stay in the moment. He shut his eyes tighter as his breathing started to become more labored. He knew that wasn't safe. He should be watching to make sure backup didn’t arrive, but he simply couldn’t help it. 

 

It wasn’t as bad as the first attack, that was for sure, but Keith would be lying if he said it wasn’t just as emotionally devastating. He didn’t want to admit that Lance had been right about the whole staying out of battle thing but how could he not? He would’ve been useless had he gone with Lance. 

 

Keith felt his legs going weak as flashes of dim purple lighting shot through his mind and the phantom feeling of a barrel of a gun pushed against his head invaded his sense. He felt himself fall to the ground, knees hitting the mental flooring hard, sending bursts of pain up his legs. 

 

And then gentle fingers wrapped around Keith’s wrists, pulling his hands away from his ears. Keith opened his eyes so see Lance kneeling in front of him, giving Keith a tender look. 

 

“You’re back…” Keith said, his gaze locked onto Lance’s, afraid to look away in case he would disappear. 

 

“As promised.” Lance said, still holding onto Keith’s wrists. “There was only five of them. How’re ya feeling?” 

 

“Better.”  _ Now that you’re back.  _ Keith didn’t even stop the flow of emotions this time, he simply didn’t have the energy for it. Lance felt safe and right now safe was what Keith needed. He could feel his skin tingling from where Lance was touching him, the raw energy of Lance radiating up his arms and spreading over him. 

 

“Good enough to find out who that traitor is?” Lance asked, nodding his head in the direction of the command center. 

 

“Yeah, right. Of course.” Keith said, snapping out of his momentary trance. They had a job to do. This was no time for distractions. Lance released Keith’s wrists and the two stood. Keith pushed down the disappointment he was feeling at the sudden lack of contact. Why the hell was focusing so hard? “L-Let’s go.” Keith said, turning the corner and walking towards the now open door. 

 

When they entered the large room, Keith stepped over the dead Galra and walked up to the console in the center of the room. He raised his hand and placed it on the console, his Galra DNA giving him access to the system. 

 

“Damn.” Keith said as a monitor popped up in front of him, showing him what he assumed where logs of the messages coming and going from the planet. “It’s all in Galra. I can’t read it.” 

 

“No worries.” Lance said from next to him. “Pidge recently uploaded an upgraded version on their translator into our paladin armor. Let’s hope it works.” Lance pointed the scanner on his gauntlet at the monitor, letting the translator work it’s magic. 

 

In moments, the Galra words on the screen started to shift into words Keith could understand. “Thank god for Pidge.” He muttered as he started reading down the list of transmissions. Most of the transmissions were mundane, everyday messages. Stuff like ship logs, treasury reports, and business meetings. Pretty much useless to Keith. 

 

And then he saw the message and he felt his blood run cold. It was only one message mixed in with the hundred other ones, but it was probably the most important one. Keith pressed a button on the console to open the message. He stared in horror at the contents of the message. It was everything. It was all of the Blade and Paladin movements mapped out with alarming accuracy. Keith scrolled through the message, feeling bile starting to rise in his throat. Whoever sold them out wanted to make sure their plan failed at all costs, that was for sure. 

 

“Who’s it from?” Lance asked quietly, his voice sounding just as horrified as Keith felt. 

 

“Doesn’t say.” Keith replied. “I’m gonna trace the message back to its source.” Keith tapped a few buttons on the console, feeling the anticipation rising within him. This was the closest he’d ever been to figuring out this time loop. He was going to be one step closer to finding a way out of this nightmare. 

 

There was a small ping as a new screen popped up, the origin of the message found. Keith’s eyes widened in horror as he read the information over and over again, sure that he wasn’t seeing properly. 

 

“What’s it say?” Lance asked, sounding worried. 

 

“It came...from the black lion…” Keith replied, his voice barely audible. 

 

“Shiro…” Lance said, disbelief evident in his own voice. 

 

“It’s impossible.” Keith said, still staring at the monitor in hopes that information would change. “H-He wouldn’t do that. I know him. He  _ wouldn’t  _ do that.” 

 

Lance didn’t say anything and Keith didn’t blame him. What was someone supposed to say when they discovered something like this?

 

“It’s wrong.” Keith said. “Somehow it’s wrong…”

 

“Keith…” Lance said quietly, his voice full of empathy. “Why would it be wrong?”

 

“I don’t know!” Keith spat at him, his anger fueling his words. “Dammit! It  _ has  _ to be a lie!” Keith slammed his fist on the console, causing it to short circuit and then go dead, retracting the monitor. Keith barely even noticed. 

 

“Listen, man. I don’t want to believe it any more than you do but what choice to we have? Maybe he was forced to. Maybe someone just made it look like it came from the black lion.” Lance’s voice was understanding but steady. “The only way to know for sure is get to the black lion before that message is sent. Whoever’s there will be the real traitor. Maybe it’s Shiro and maybe it’s not.”

 

Lance was right. Of course Lance was right. He never lost his temper like Keith did. 

 

“Alright.” Keith said, feeling some of the anger draining out of him. “We should get out of here before someone finds us.”  

 

“Good idea.” Lance said before leading the way out of the room and back down the hall. The elevator ride was quiet, both of them still trying to process what they had just learned. Keith wasn’t sure if he was mad or devastated or what. Everything was muddled within him, a whirlwind of thoughts that seemed to have no rhyme or reason to them but all centered around one black paladin. 

 

The two exited the elevator, Keith now leading the way back down the hallway and towards the entrance of the base. It seemed like no one had caught onto the fact that they had no intention of going to the control room. Keith was grateful for that, knowing that a fight wasn’t something he would do well in right now. 

 

They turned the corner and Keith caught sight of the entrance, a wave of relief spreading over him. The sooner they were out of this base, the sooner Keith could sort out his conflicting thoughts. When they reached the door, Keith reached for the button that would open the doors, glad that for once everything had gone - mostly - according to plan. 

 

“Wait.” Lance said, stopping Keith. 

 

Keith turned to him, a confused look on his face. “What’s wrong?” 

 

Lance pointed down the hall the two hadn’t come front. “That goes to the control room, right?” 

 

“Yeah, why?” Keith asked, still confused. 

 

Lance didn’t respond, instead turning to look down the hallway. “And the sentires are waiting to ambush?” 

 

“Yeah…” Keith said, his voice quieter than before.

 

Lance turned back to him, a shaky smile on his face. “Then this is where I leave you.” 

 

Realization hit him like a ton of bricks. How could he have possibly forgotten? “No…” Keith heard himself say, his voice pained. 

 

“I have to, Keith. You know that as well as I do.” Lance replied, the smile not falling from his face.

 

“But we are so close.” Keith said, his words coming out like a plea. “You could survive this time around.” 

 

“I know.” Lance said, his voice calm. “But if I live, others will die. I can’t let that happen.  _ You  _ can’t let that happen.”

 

Keith could feel the now familiar ache start to rise in his chest again. He didn’t want to live through another death. He didn’t want to wake up knowing that he’d have to start all over. “What if I don’t get another chance?” Keith asked, his voice shaky and uncertain. “What if this is the closest I’ll ever get?” 

 

“It won’t be.” Lance replied. “You’ll save me. I know you will.” 

 

Keith didn’t know what to say. He knew that nothing he could say would dissuade Lance from walking down that hall and to his death. Keith just kept his eyes locked with Lance’s, trying his hardest to convey to him every emotion he couldn’t vocalize. 

 

Lance only smiled in return before turning and walking down the hall. After a few steps, he stopped, facing Keith once more. Keith could see the slight fear in his eyes, the same fear Keith was feeling.

 

“Hey, uh, you said I won’t remember any of this, right?” He asked. 

 

“Right.” Keith replied, his voice sounding small. 

 

“Promise?” 

 

“I promise.” 

 

“Good.” Lance said, closing the distance between them with a few steps, taking off his helmet and throwing it to the ground in the process. Keith wasn’t prepared for Lance’s hands to softly grab his face, thumbs gently rubbing against his cheekbones and fingers curling around his neck. He wasn’t prepared for the moment Lance’s lips pressed against his own, desperate but soft. But mostly, Keith wasn’t prepared for how he melted into Lance’s touch, his lips moving against Lance’s in a way that was entirely foreign to him yet felt so familiar. It all just felt so  _ right _ . 

 

And then Lance pulled away, releasing Keith from his hold. He gave him one last half smile before turning and walking down the hallway. Keith watched him go in stunned silence until he couldn’t see him anymore, unsure of what to do or think. 

 

After a moment, Keith picked up Lance’s helmet from where he threw it, a fluttery feeling forming in his chest that overpowered the ache. “I will save you.” Keith whispered. 

 

Keith closed his eyes, the helmet still in his hands, and waited for the reset. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading and I hope you enjoyed it!  
> I don't have a reason for this chapter to be so long. It just kinda...happened? I'm sure you guys are okay with that. I did have a lot of fun writing it, by the way and I didn't even get stuck once. That's a pretty rare thing to happen.   
> So yeah...anyways, any and all feedback you are willing to give is greatly appreciated.   
> Stay safe and I'll see ya next time!
> 
> ~Redjay


	10. Hard Truths and Harder Decisions

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: There is mentions of suicide in this chapter (but only like one or two sentences).

The moment Keith’s eyes flashed open he was already moving, throwing his blankets to the side and standing up. He ignored the rush in his head at his sudden movements, instead changing into his blade armor faster than he ever had before. He had someplace he needed to be and no time to get there. 

 

He ignored the disgruntled shouts from his fellow blade members as he left his room and sprinted down the hall towards the pods. He knew that Kolivan would have his head for taking one without permission, but right now he didn't care. He didn’t have time to care. He reached the hangar, not slowing down as he ran towards the nearest pod. He stopped only briefly enough to open the hangar door, but then he was on the move again, climbing into the pod and strapping himself in. 

 

Within moments he had started the pod and was speeding out of the hangar, turning off all incoming communications as he did. He didn’t have time to answer a million questions. He pushed the pod to its max speed as he shot towards the deserted planet he knew the castle would be stopped on. It only took a few minutes before Keith was entering the planet’s atmosphere, the castle visible on the horizon. 

 

“C’mon. Faster, faster…” Keith muttered as the castle grew bigger. 

 

Keith wasn’t sure what he was going to find once he reached the black lion. He wanted to believe that it wasn’t Shiro who had sent out the message, but he didn’t know of anyone else that had access to the black lion’s system. And if it  _ was  _ Shiro...well, Keith would cross that bridge when he came to it. 

 

When Keith was close enough to the castle, he opened the communications long enough to send one message. “Coran, open hangar door C.” He didn’t wait for a response, turning his comm off again. As Keith approached, he saw the hangar door opening. He silently thanked Coran for trusting him. 

 

It was only a matter of minutes from the moment Keith flew into the castle to the moment he was hopping out of his pod and running again. His breaths came out in short puffs as he exited the hangar and headed towards the back lion. His lungs screamed at him, begging for air. He could feel a slight ache in his legs start to manifest as he sprinted down the halls of the castle. He ignored all of it. 

 

Not soon enough the black lion’s hangar was in sight. He wasn’t at all surprised to see the door open, the black lion’s eyes glowing with life. He knew there was no way the lion would just let him in so Keith stopped at about fifty feet in front of the lion, looking up into the eyes of the lion. 

 

“Come down here! Now!” Keith shouted to whoever was in the lion. His voice was demanding and unyielding, giving him a brace against whatever reality was about to throw at him. 

 

The black lion was silent and unmoving for a moment. Keith held his breath as he waited, hands balled into fists. Finally the black lion shifted, crouching down to let whoever was in there out. 

 

“Keith? What’s wrong?” 

 

Keith felt his heart drop through the floor as a concerned looking Shiro exited the black lion. He wanted to not believe it. He wanted to pretend like everything was normal. He wanted to close his eyes, turn away from the truth that was right in front of him. 

 

But he couldn’t. 

 

He knew that he would never escape this nightmare if he did. This was one step closer to fixing everything. Keith was just going to have to accept the facts.

 

Keith swallowed the bile that had risen in his throat, fixed a glare at Shiro who was standing about ten feet in front of him now, and said, “How could you?”

 

Shiro furrowed his eyebrows in confusion. “How could I what? What are you talking about?” 

 

“Don’t bullshit me, Shiro.” Keith said, trying his best to make his voice sharp. “You know exactly what I’m talking about.” 

 

Shiro paused, seeming to contemplate something. Keith waited, knowing that whatever Shiro was about to say he wouldn’t like. Keith saw Shiro’s shoulders relax and his weight shift to one foot. He saw Shiro cross his arms, an almost cocky smile on his face. This was not the Shiro Keith was used to. 

 

“Took ya long enough. I thought you’d never catch on.” 

 

Keith wasn’t aware that his world could shatter any more than it already had. As with so many things, he was wrong. Keith felt like someone had pulled the rug out from under him, sending him falling into a pit of lies and deceit. 

 

“How?” Keith asked, his voice quiet but fierce. “How could you do this to everyone? How could you do this to your friends?”

 

Shiro let out a curt laugh. “How? Easy. I don’t actually like any of them. A bunch of morons, all of them.”

 

This wasn’t right. Something was off. Keith knew Shiro. He knew that Shiro would never…

 

“Who are you?” Keith demanded. “You’re not Shiro so who are you?”

 

“Oh, so the spitfire has a brian! How irritating.” Shiro let out a tired sigh. “If you must know, no. I’m not Shiro. The name’s Kuron.”

 

“Where is he?”

 

Kuron waved his hand dismissively. “Somewhere, but that’s not really something you should be worrying about right now, don’t ya think? You’re in a predicament all your own.”

 

“So you’re the one causing this time loop?” Keith asked, his anger rising at every word Kuron said. 

 

Kuron let out another laugh. “I might not be Shiro, but I’m still human. So no, this isn’t me.’’

 

“But you know who is causing this.” Keith said. It wasn’t a question. 

 

“Duh.” Was all Kuron gave in response. 

 

“Tell me who.” 

 

“Uh, no?” 

 

“Why not?”

 

“Because I don’t want to? I thought that was obvious.”

 

Keith  _ really _ didn’t like this guy. His cocky attitude was getting old really fast. It took every inch of his willpower for Keith to not draw his dagger and attack him. But he needed answers so Keith kept his temper under control.

 

“So what will you tell me?”

 

“Hmm, what indeed…” Kuron said, looking thoughtful. “I mean, you did figure out that I’m not really Shiro so that does constitute some kinda reward. Although, to be fair, I had expected you to figure it out  _ way  _ sooner. I mean, c’mon! Do you think the real Shiro would’ve let Lance rush back in to save you from that bomb instead of going himself? I was sure that was going to tip you off.” Kuron shook his head in disappointment. 

 

Now that Keith thought about it, Kuron did have a point. He should’ve seen that as out of character. But of course with everything that was happening, something that miniscule would go unnoticed by Keith. Still, he felt himself clench his jaw in irritation. It wasn’t like him to let stuff like that pass him by. 

 

“So unobservant…” Kuron said, continuing on. “But you did surprise me, I’ll give ya that. You almost gave up! Do you know how embarrassing it would’ve been for me if you had given up? I was the one who recommended you for this little adventure!”

 

“Why me?” Keith asked.

 

“Two reason.” Kuron replied. “One: You’re stubborn to a fault. Two: You’ve got some sorta hero complex going on. But all that’s beside the point. You’re here for information. You want to know how to escape this time loop.” 

 

“And you know how?” Keith could feel the anticipation wearing on his mind. He had no idea how he was going to stop Kuron or how he was going to find the real Shiro, but getting out of the time loop seemed like a good place to start.

 

“Course I do.” Kuron replied casually, as if he was talking about the whether. “There are three ways. First way:” He held up one finger. “Keep doing exactly whatcha been doing. Keep Lance alive for a day and bam! You’re out. Second way:” He held up a second finger. “You kill me.” 

 

Keith didn’t hesitate to pull his dagger from its sheath.

 

“Cool your jets, Zippy. There’s a catch.” Kuron said, stopping Keith. “If you kill me then Lance is guaranteed to die and there’ll be no resets for you to save him. So think carefully on that option.”

 

Keith slowly put his dagger away. Once again, Kuron was right. Keith would rather have Lance alive than Kuron dead.

 

“Third way:” Kuron held up a third finger. “You die. The time loop is centered around you. So no more you, no more time loop. But wait, there’s more! If you, let’s say, kill yourself, I guarantee that Lance will survive.”

 

“Paladins!...and Keith I suppose. Report to the bridge! The Blade members are arriving!” Coran’s voice sounded over the castle intercom.

 

“Welp, this has been fun.” Kuron said. “But unfortunately duty calls. I’ll be interested to see what you decide to do.”

 

Keith didn’t respond, his mind too overwhelmed to produce coherent sentence. Kuron gave him one last cocky smile before passing Keith and heading towards the bridge. 

 

“Oh and Keith?” He called as he reached the door. Keith half turned to look at him. “Let’s keep this whole not-really-Shiro thing under wraps. Who knows what’ll happen to Lance if people find out? See ya on the bridge!” 

 

And then Kuron was gone, leaving Keith alone with the black lion. Keith looked up at the black lion, trying to process everything that had just happened. “You knew.” Keith said quietly, knowing that Black could hear him. “You knew all along that it wasn’t really Shiro. And you still let him pilot you because  _ I  _ wasn’t there to help my team and he was…” Keith fell to his knees, a new form of anguish flowing over and consuming him. “This is all my fault. I’m so sorry…”   

 

The black lion didn’t respond, not that Keith was expecting it to. He was undeserving of the lion, of any of the lions for that matter. He was so desperate to find Shiro that he didn’t even question it when Kuron had turned up. And now because of his stupidity, he was stuck in this unforgiving time loop. Everything was just so fucked up.

 

He knew what option he was going to take. He would keep trying to save Lance, as many times as it took. Lance had believed in him, after all. Keith couldn’t let him down again. Besides, it wasn’t like the other options were even feasible. Killing Kuron wouldn’t actually solve anything. Even if him dying didn’t mean Lance would die for good, Keith couldn’t take that risk. He would never bet Lance’s life on something so unknown. And Keith wasn’t about to let himself die. Sure, it would save Lance this time, but what about after that? He was the only one who knew about Kuron. If he was gone, who knows what Kuron would do? 

 

Keith sighed and stood up. The answer was pretty obvious. He was going to make sure both him and Lance made it out of this situation alive. There simply was no other option. But sitting in here and feeling sorry for himself wasn’t going to achieve that. 

 

Keith left the hangar and made his way to the bridge. As he walked, his mind wandered back to the last reset. It was true that Keith had been caught off guard by Lance. Usually Keith was the risk taker and Lance was the more level-headed one, but not this time. Lance had acted on impulse...and Keith would be lying if he said he didn’t like it. He thought back to the warmth of Lance’s hands and the desperation of the kiss, like Lance was pouring everything he had into that one moment. 

 

Keith knew what Lance was doing. Keith might be bad at strategy but, he could see well-formed plan when there was one. Lance was letting Keith decide. He had laid out his feelings in the most obvious way and then left the ball in Keith’s court. If Keith wanted to reciprocate the feelings, all he would have to do was tell Lance. But if not, Keith would just say nothing and Lance would come out virtually unscarred.

 

It was a good plan. The only problem was that Keith wasn’t sure which option he was going to take.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading and I hope you enjoyed it!  
> Guys, we're ten chapters in finally so I think this is as good a time as any to give a big thank you to everyone who's reading this. I really do appreciate every single one of you. It means a lot to me that you guys take the time out of your day to read what I work so hard on. It makes writing new chapters easier just knowing that so many people are waiting for the next update. I love all of you.   
> That being said, any and all feedback you are willing and able to give is obviously greatly appreciated.   
> Stay safe and I'll see ya next time!
> 
> ~Redjay


	11. Against the Crowd

Keith ignored the glares from the Blade members as he arrived on the bridge. He also ignored the confused looks sent to him from the paladins. He didn’t blame them all for wondering why Keith had arrived in the fashion that he did. He simply just didn’t have the mental capacity to deal with them all at the moment. He especially avoided looking at Kuron. It made him sick to his stomach to even think about him.

 

The one gaze, however, he didn’t avoid was the pair of ocean blue eyes that had immediately locked onto him when he entered the room. Keith could feel a twist of anxiety in his gut, panic starting to set in that maybe Lance had somehow remembered the previous reset. Keith couldn’t see any recognition in Lance’s gaze but that didn’t mean it wasn’t there.

 

Keith realized he could stand around and wonder about Lance’s memory all day or he could figure it out now. Keith for the most part liked to face his problems head on. He’d always been like that, more often than not using physical force to meet these said problems. Matters of the head and heart where not quite so clearly dealt with, but he had no better idea so why not give it a shot?

 

Keith clenched his fists, digging his fingers into his palms in hopes that it would relieve some of the nerves that had started to bubble up inside him, and started to cross the room towards Lance. He had no idea what he was going to say if Lance had remembered what happened. Hell, he didn’t even know what he wanted to say. Emotions were hard to understand to begin with. Add Lance into the mix and it was like Keith was trying to navigate through an endless maze.

 

A slightly nervous look appeared on Lance’s face as Keith approached, prompting Keith’s own nerves to rise. Keith could hear alarm bells going off in his head, his flight response kicking in but he ignored it. Now was not the time to run.

 

When Keith was only a couple feet away from Lance he saw Lance’s expression morph into one of complete terror. He saw Lance raise his hands to cover his face, a slight yelp escaping his lips.

 

“Please don’t hit me!”

 

Keith froze, confusion halting his approach. “H-Hit you?” Keith asked apprehensively. “Why would I want to hit you?”

 

“I don’t know!” Lance said, peering out from between his arms. “Why were you charging me like an angry bull?”

 

“Why was I…?” Keith repeated, tilting his head in confusion. “I wasn’t.”

 

“Okay, yeah sure.” Lance said, finally dropping his arms. “Because glaring at me with balled up fists is the universal sign of friendship.”

 

“Oh.” Keith said, understanding what Lance was getting at. He had gotten so wrapped up in his own head he hadn’t even noticed his outward appearance. Of course Lance thought he was going to hit him. Who wouldn’t? “S-Sorry…” Keith stammered, caught of guard by his own revelation. “I was just...thinking about something else…” It was a shitty lie, but Keith really didn’t have the ability to do any better at the moment.

 

Lance narrowed his eyes suspiciously at Keith, seeing right through his lie. “You’re a strange one.” Was all Lance said though, sparing Keith the embarrassment of trying to explain exactly what had been going through his head. “So if you don’t want to hit me, what do you want?”

 

“I...uh...just wanted to know if you remembered the last...conversation we had.” Keith said, his voice coming out slightly higher than normal. At this rate Lance was going to think he was insane.

 

“What, you mean like the day you left?” Lance asked, sounding confused. Rightfully so, Keith might add.

 

“You’re sure that was the last time we talked or...did anything together?” Keith could feel his soul leave his body. Why did he phrase it like _that_?

 

“Yeah, I’m sure. This is the first time I’ve seen you since you left. Dude, are you feeling okay?” Lance gave Keith a worried look. “Did you hit your head one too many times during Blade training or something? I mean, you guys really only wear hoods which is not helpful in a combat situation. I mean, I get it. It’s your aesthetic. You all need to look like edge-lords for some reason…” Lance continued to talk as Keith tuned him out.

 

Lance clearly didn’t remember anything. Good. It was better that he didn’t. Ultimately, that made things simpler for Keith in more ways than one. He could focus on keeping Lance alive without having to worry about touchy-feely conversations getting in the way. It also gave him the perfect excuse to not work out whatever was going on between them. It was a win-win in Keith’s book.

 

“Keith!”

 

Keith jumped slightly at Lance’s voice, feeling slightly embarrassed that he had been caught. Lance didn’t look irritated at Keith’s clear lack of interest in what he was saying, but he looked more amused than anything.

 

“You didn’t hear a word I said.” Lance said plainly.

 

“Sorry…” Keith heard himself saying, feeling like he wanted to die inside.

 

Lance just shrugged. “Your loss. I have a beautiful voice.”

 

Keith decided to ignore that, instead saying, “Hey, uh, be careful out there today. I’ve heard that Taxion can be pretty dangerous.” He knew that just telling Lance to be careful wasn’t going to magically make him survive, but it did work so settle Keith’s own nerves.

 

“Danger, huh? No worries! Danger is my middle name!” Lance said, his words laced with arrogance.

 

Keith rolled his eyes. “I was being serious, Lance.”

 

“So was I.” Lance replied immediately. “I can handle danger. It’s my job.”

 

“And I really wish it wasn’t…” Keith muttered to himself under his breath. If Lance heard him, he had no time to reply. Kolivan called everyone’s attention to start the debriefing.

 

\-----

 

Keith had decided that if he never had to come back to Taxion, it would be too soon. He had never been a huge fan of crowds, but Taxion was on a whole different level of uncomfortable. If he only had to deal with Taxion’s crowds once or twice, he would’ve been fine. That was perfectly manageable. But it was now his seventh ‘day’ on Taxion. He wasn’t sure how much longer he could keep his irritation in check. The next alien that shoulder checked him might be met with something a little more damaging than a glare.

 

Keith once again found himself tailing Lance. He had decided that the best way to keep everyone, including Lance, safe was to make sure no one went to the commander’s house. He knew what sort of trap was waiting for him there. Lucky for him, it had been his job originally to infiltrate the commander’s house so he didn’t even have to try to convince Kolivan of anything. And since Lance was then assigned to be the eyes on the ground, everything kinda just fell into place.

 

At the moment Keith was standing across one of the market squares from Lance, safely hidden in the shadows of one of the tents where no one would bother him. He was grateful enough to only see one sentry in the square. He would avoid the sentry if he could but if it came down to it, one sentry was easy to deal with. After what he’d been through? Child’s play.

 

Keith could see Lance who was also doing his best to not be seen. He was crouched in a small space between two tents, out of sight of the lone sentry. If any of the market-goers saw him, they paid him no mind, something Keith wasn’t honestly surprised about. He was beginning to learn that the people on Taxion had some unwritten ‘need to know’ rule. People stayed out of other people’s business. Keith wasn’t sure if that was something that Taxion had always employed or if the Galra presence had conjured up the unspoken rule. Either way, Keith was grateful. The last thing they needed was some nosy alien blowing their cover.

 

Keith could see that Lance had his bayard activated, using the sniper scope to get a better view of the surrounding marketplace. Keith had his own dagger clenched in his hands, ready to spring into action at the first indication that things were about to go south. He could feel his grip tighten on the hilt every time a passerby got a little too close to Lance’s hiding spot.

 

“I’m not sure if I should be flattered or insulted that you’re so worried about me.” Keith heard Lance’s voice say over the comm.

 

Keith could feel heat on his face at Lance’s words and was glad that his mask was activated, hiding his embarrassment from Lance’s eyes. He also felt a surge of anger at having been spotted so easily. He should’ve been more careful. He was really starting to lose his edge, the exhaustion of the resets getting to him.

 

“What, is it a crime to watch a teammates back?” Keith replied, his tone somewhat clipped.

 

“I know that watching my back is hard to resist.” Lance said, an antagonizing tone to his voice. Keith scoffed in response. He really shouldn’t have expected anything else from Lance. Lance ignored him and continued speaking. “But shouldn’t you be headed to the commander’s house? Isn’t that your job?”

 

Keith had already established that he was a terrible liar, especially when it came to thinking on his feet. So he decided to go with the truth in his reply. “Trust me when I say that’s the last place I want to be right now.”

 

“Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.” Lance replied, sounding surprised. “Are you telling me that you’re just gonna ignore the mission? Dude, if we don’t capture that commander then everything else is going to be for nothing!”

 

Keith could hear the slight anger in Lance’s voice. He needed a way to calm him down before he started drawing attention to himself. “I’m not ignoring the mission.” Keith said quickly. “I just know that if I go there I’ll probably end up dead.” Keith decided to leave out the part about not knowing what kind of reaction he’d have to going back to that place.

 

“Yeah, and standing in a sentry infested marketplace could also probably kill you. My point is that the possibility of death has never stopped you before.” Lance replied, his voice acusetory.

 

Keith already knew how Lance would react to the truth of the situation, so it wasn’t like Keith was scared to tell him. He just knew that telling Lance the truth could lead to some rather difficult questions to answer. Questions that Keith would rather avoid answering if he could.

 

Keith heard Lance let out an irritated sigh. “Fine. Don’t tell me what your problem is. But someone still has to capture that commander. If you won’t do it, I will.”

 

“What?” Keith said, panic starting to overcome his senses. “No, no you can’t!” Keith could feel the adrenaline starting to pump through his veins, his heart pounding frantically against his ribs. Lance needed to stay far away from the commander’s house. Keith wasn’t sure he could live through that again.

 

Keith didn’t hesitate to dive into the crowd, pushing his way towards Lance who had already started across the market square. He _had_ to stop him. Even the thought of being anywhere near that house made Keith’s hands shake.

 

“Lance!” Keith practically begged over the comm. “Don’t do it! You need to listen to me!”

 

“I can take care of myself, Keith.” Came Lance’s reply. His voice was much calmer than Keith’s. “But if you’re so worried just come with me.”

 

“No, you don’t understand!” Keith said, not caring about the amount of attention he was drawing to himself. He ignored the disgruntled sounds of the crowd, pushing past them with more force than necessary. At this rate, there was no way he was going to catch up to him. “Lance, if you go there you’re going to _die_!”

 

“I already told you I can handle myself.” Lance replied, his tone somewhat defensive.

 

Keith lost sight of Lance as he turned a corner, the blue and white of his armor nowhere to be seen. Keith struggled against the crowd, fear propelling him forward.

 

He needed to stop Lance before it was too late.

  
_He needed to._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading and I hope you enjoyed it!  
> Sorry about the long wait. I was sick and then I had to deal with midterms. But I'm back now and that's all that matters.  
> As always, any and all feedback you are willing and able to give is greatly appreciated.  
> Stay safe and I'll see ya next time!
> 
> ~Redjay


	12. A Price to Pay

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: There is mentions of suicide as well as suicidal thoughts in this chapter

There was something about moments of complete desperation that just slowed everything down. The entire universe seemed to come to a screeching halt as Keith attempted to push his way through the sea of people between himself and where he last saw Lance. Keith could only hear his breaths coming out heavily and his heart pounding in his ears, the noise of the crowd silenced by his own panic. His movements felt slow, like he was moving through water. And no matter how much he willed his legs to move faster, for his arms to push harder against the crowd, it seemed like he was staying in the same spot. 

 

He knew that every second Lance was getting further away from him and closer to the commander’s mansion. Closer to the trap that had already claimed Lance’s life once. He’d be damned if he was going to let it happen again. 

 

And if Keith was being entirely honest with himself, he didn’t know what kind of dark hole he’d fall down if he had to see  _ it _ again. It was probably one that he couldn’t climb back out of. And if that happened, who was supposed to save Lance?

 

Keith heard something fast shoot past his ear. He turned his head towards the sound just in time to see a purple beam hit one of the market goers in the chest. Keith watched as the alien let out a gasping cry and then crumpled to the ground.

 

The moment the alien hit the ground, everything seemed to speed back up for Keith, pulling him out of his head. Shouts rose up from the crowd as more shots were fired in Keith’s direction, some of them almost hitting Keith. People were running and screaming in every direction, trying to get out of the way of the shooter. Keith couldn’t see who was firing at him amongst the chaos, but every time another market goer fell to the ground next to him, Keith could feel his panic rise.  He could feel his hands begin to shake as the shooter fired off shot after shot. Keith barely even noticed as one grazed the top of his left shoulder, cutting right through his armor and drawing blood. His legs were frozen in place as the shots echoed in his ears, forcibly bringing forth memories that he would soon rather forget. 

 

Keith was unprepared for a force slamming into his right side, causing him to lose his balance. He hit the ground hard, the cobbled pavement jabbing into him in ways that sent a stinging shockwave up and down his left side. The force of the fall momentarily brought Keith back to the present and he scrambled to try to stand back up, knowing that he needed to get the shooter away from the crowd before more people died. Keith could see at least six bodies from his spot on the ground. As he pushed himself off the ground, he was knocked over again by a crowd member, their terrified screams deafening. 

 

Keith heard another round of shots go off and he could feel his moment of coherence pass. He felt his lungs contract as he was pulled back to the commander’s house, the images of a captured Lance on his knees flooding his vision. Keith was barely able to force any breath out of his lungs, and it was all he could do to deactivate his mask in hopes that it would make it easier to breathe. He couldn’t help but squeeze his eyes shut as he heard another shot go off. Still, that didn’t stop the feeling of a familiar weight being pushed against the back of his head. The terror of his life ending taking hold of him and sending him spiraling. 

 

Keith’s eyes flashed open again as he heard something hit the ground next to him. Everything was a mixture of the dim purple lighting from the commander’s mansion and the bright colors of the market around him. The cacophony of colors not making sense to Keith’s already overstimulated mind. 

 

His gaze landed on the thing that had fallen next to him. He could feel himself physically recoil from the pain that suddenly erupted in his chest. He blinked, trying to make the form in front of him disappear, but it wouldn’t. Mere inches from Keith was Lance, his head turned towards him and red seeping down towards the soft smile that was on his face. 

 

“No…” Keith heard himself say, his voice cracked and dry sounding. “No, no, no, no,  _ no _ …”

 

Keith pushed himself to his knees with the last part of his will that he had left, hesitantly reaching out a hand to the unmoving Lance that was now in front of him. He heard another shot go off and Keith glanced up towards it, sure that it was the shot that was going to claim his life. 

 

He heard himself let out a strangled cry as he saw the bodies strewn around him, all of them unmoving. All of them decked out in blue and white armor. All of them killed by a single shot to the side of the head. All of them staring at him with ocean blue eyes. All of them smiling at Keith as if to say everything was going to be okay. 

 

But nothing was going to be okay. Because how could anything ever be okay with the things that Keith had seen, with the things that Keith had failed to do? Where he had previously been fraying, there were now tears. Scars that went too deep to heal. Memories that were too painful to forget. 

 

Maybe it would be easier just to end it all here. Save Lance’s life in the only way that he could. What was the point of trying if it was going to lead him here? Surrounded by the death of the one person who had refused to give up on him. The one person that had believed without a doubt that Keith would save him. 

 

Well, Keith really hated to disappoint. So if this was the only way…

 

He glanced down at the dagger in his hand…

 

\-----

 

“His suffering is your doing.”

 

“...”

 

You can make it stop.”

 

“...”

 

“Just tell me what I want to know and he won’t have to hurt anymore.”

 

“...”

 

“Fine. Then watch him die.”

 

“...C’mon, Keith…”

 

\-----

“Fucking snap  _ out of it! _ ” Keith heard a moment before an unseen force slammed into his jaw, causing him to drop his dagger in order to brace himself against the ground so he wouldn’t fall again. “What the hell is wrong with you?! Are you  _ trying  _ to get yourself killed?!” 

 

Keith blinked a few times, trying to sort out what was real and what was in his mind. He did his best to avoid looking at the lifeless forms of Lance around him. 

 

That punch was definitely real, the stinging feeling where he had been hit was enough proof. The voice yelling at him was also real. It was too loud and too angry to be otherwise. He could latch onto that, use it to anchor him. 

 

“We need to get out of here now before backup arrives and more people get hurt!” The voice shouted at him, starting to sound more desperate than angry. It was a familiar voice, one that seemed to shake something loose in his mind. Keith searched for the source of the voice and found it easily. 

 

Lance stood above him, his head on a swivel, no doubt looking for more potential shooters. Keith could feel relief wash over him as he gazed at the very alive looking Lance in front of him.

 

“Lance?” Keith choked out, not even sure if Lance could hear him over all of the commotion in the square. 

 

Lance’s gaze met Keith’s, confusion and worry evident in the blue of his eyes. “The one and only.” He said, offering a hand to Keith. 

 

Keith only hesitated for a moment before taking his hand. “You’re alive?”

 

Lance pulled Keith to his feet and said, “Not for much longer if we stay here. We need to move.” 

 

Keith only nodded in response before Lance had turned and started heading towards the edge of the square. Keith followed him, risking a glance back at the bodies that had fallen around him. He felt his breath catch in his throat as he saw the different species of aliens that had been caught in the crossfire. 

 

What had he done? He was only trying to save one life. How many had paid the price for Keith’s screw up?

 

Keith followed Lance in silence, feeling the burden of shame settle upon his shoulders. He had royally fucked up and he knew it. He wasn’t sure exactly how things had turned out so badly, but he did know that it was entirely his fault.

 

Keith barely noticed in time that Lance had stopped, saving himself from running into him. He noticed that they were in some sort of side alley, one that was rarely used from the looks and smell of it.

 

Lance turned to him, an off-putting rage in his eyes. “Do you want to tell me what that was back there?” His voice was harsh, almost accusatory. Keith didn’t blame him.

 

“W-What did you see?” Keith asked, his own voice quiet.

 

Lance let out an irritated laugh. “What I saw was you standing in the middle of a square doing nothing as some sentry was trying to shoot you. You’re lucky I came back or you would be toast right now.” 

 

“All those people…” Keith muttered, a strain to his voice. 

 

“...There’s nothing we can do for them now.” Lance said, his voice slightly gentler than before. “Keith, you have to tell me what’s going on. This isn’t like you. First, you ignore the mission and now you don’t even fight back when some lowly sentry is trying to kill you. It’s almost like you want to die.”

 

Keith ran a shaky hand through his hair, trying to think of the right words to say. “I don’t  _ want _ to die.” He started. 

 

“Then what?” Lance asked.

 

“I’m just…not enough anymore.” Keith replied, his voice even quieter than before. “I’ve tried so many times to save your life and when I do manage to keep you alive there’s always some catch...some price that has to be paid. And I’m just tired. I’m tired of losing and then trying again only to lose some more…”

 

“Keith, buddy, I really don’t know what you’re talking about.” Lance said in a patient voice. 

 

“I’m in a time loop, Lance!” Keith shouted, feeling something inside him snap. He wasn’t angry at Lance for not understanding or Kuron for being part of the reason he was in this mess to begin with or even himself for being so inept. He was just angry at everything. “I’m in this fucking time loop and it’s never going to end! I’ve watched you die over and over again and I’m going to keep watching you die over and over and its torture, Lance! Fucking torture! I can’t even fight anymore because all I see is you! Dead! Because I failed you! So yeah, I don’t want to die! I really don’t! But maybe...maybe that’s what I’m supposed to do...maybe it’s the only way…” 

 

Keith’s voice gave out as his energy drained. He could feel his legs start to shake and it was all he could do to remain standing. He dropped his gaze to the ground between the two, not brave enough to see Lance’s reaction, afraid that Lance was not going to believe him or maybe even call him crazy. 

 

He felt broken. He felt lost and used. He felt like the universe had abandoned him. No one could ever possibly understand the damage that had been done to him. He didn’t even understand it himself. 

 

He heard Lance take a deep breath, pause, and then say, “Kill me.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading and I hope you enjoyed it!  
> So, I've gotten quite a few people that have said they appreciate the way Keith is unraveling as the story progresses, which is cool for me because it makes me feel like I'm developing the character in a realistic way. So because of that, I decided to change up the story ever so slightly a couple of chapters ago to give you guys chapters like this. Chapters where I can break your hearts and crush your souls. So you really have yourselves to thank for this chapter. You kinda asked for it in a sense.  
> As always, any and all feedback you are willing and able to give is greatly appreciated.   
> Stay safe and I'll see ya next time!
> 
> ~Redjay


	13. And so the Balance Shifts

Keith’s eyes flashed up to Lance’s face. There was no hesitation in his eyes, no fear to give him pause. He wanted to believe that he had misheard Lance, but he knew that he couldn’t. The words resonated within him, bouncing around his head as he tried to comprehend them. They were only two words. They were simply, easy. Nothing about them should’ve confused Keith, but somehow he found himself struggling to understand them. 

 

Truth was, they weren’t just two simple words and Keith knew that. They might have been small, but they held so much. Within those words was Lance’s entire being. They were his spirit. They were his love for his friends and his devotion to the universe. They were his longing for his family and his hope that he would see them again. They were the night’s that Lance couldn’t sleep and the days were he couldn’t stay awake. They were his worry that he would lose those he cared for and his relief every time they all came away from a battle alive. They were the times that he laughed, surrounded by friends and happy memories, and the times he cried, hiding away his emotions until he was entirely alone to express them. They were Lance’s ability to trust someone wholly, even so much as to sacrifice himself for the sake of people he didn’t even know. 

 

They were all of those things and so much more and Keith  _ understood.  _ Lance didn’t need to explain himself. Keith saw precisely what he was getting at. Where Keith saw another failure, Lance saw an opportunity. He saw a chance to save those people in the square. He saw a chance for Keith to fix his mistakes. He saw a chance to turn back time in hopes that everyone would come away better. Keith only wished that he had the same confidence in himself as Lance did. 

 

But in the end, none of that really mattered. Because when it came right down to it, Keith knew that there was no way he could ever kill Lance, reset or not. Before this mission started, Lance had just been...well,  _ Lance _ . He was reliable and stable and exactly what Keith needed to keep him from flying off the handle. Even after Keith had left the team, he asked himself what Lance would’ve done in any situation where he was even remotely considering doing something reckless. Lance had proved himself to be the type of stability Keith needed many times over since they left Earth and although he never would’ve said it to Lance directly, he was eternally grateful for that. 

 

But things had changed now, shifted in a way that threw Keith off balance. It was true that Lance was still a constant for Keith, someone that he could rely on no matter what, but now he knew how far Lance was willing to go to be that supporting force. He also knew the reason why. Keith had no idea what he had done to make Lance feel the way he did. If anything, Keith thought it far more likely that he would be hated by Lance based on their history. But much like other things that were wrapped up too heavily in emotions, he had been wrong. And now it was no secret that Lance housed some sort of feelings for Keith, feelings that he would never truly understand. And it was true that Keith had been confused and uncertain and surprised and whatever else was mixed up inside his head.

 

But now things weren’t so confusing or blurry. Sure, the balance had shifted, but Keith had somehow ended up on his feet for better or worse. Because in this moment, with those two words hanging in the air between them, everything else fell away. Keith saw clearly the sacrifice Lance was making. He saw all of the sacrifices that Lance had made, even before the time loop. He saw the sacrifice of leaving Earth behind, the sacrifice of stepping aside so Keith could lead, the sacrifice of letting Keith go. Every single one was now sharper to Keith than they had ever been. And this time was no different. Lance would once again give up part of himself for the greater good and even if he didn’t remember it, it would still affect him. 

 

Keith had thought he was the only broken one. He had thought that he was alone in his suffering, that no one could ever find him in the dark. He had thought that the scars went to deep to heal, the tears in himself impossible to mend and maybe he was right. Maybe there was no going back. But...Keith accepted that. He accepted it because of the broken man standing in front of him. The man that had given so much up and gotten nothing in return. The man that had penetrated Keith’s darkness, causing light to seep through the cracks and touch his skin for what felt like the first time in an eternity. 

 

Lance was just as lost as Keith was. His suffering was different, but the outcome was the same. Sometimes the easier way out was giving up, being so willing to lay down your own life in place of another. To know that you would be called a hero was a comfort, just another way to soften that final blow. Keith had been a fool for not seeing it before and he was even more so one for considering it himself. 

 

“Lance…” Keith heard himself say, his voice soft. “You’re worth so much more than a hero’s funeral.” And it was true. He had never been more sure of anything else in his entire life. 

 

“W-What…?” Lance replied, his expression morphing into one of guilt as he comprehended Keith’s words. “I...I don’t…”

 

“Listen to me.” Keith said, taking a few steps closer to Lance and shooting him with a steely look. “I  _ am  _ going to stop this time loop and I  _ am  _ going to save you. And I don’t know when that’ll happen but I can promise you this: I won’t quit until  _ both  _ of us make it out alive. And if you  _ ever  _ think that sacrificing yourself is your job, that sacrificing yourself is what’s expected of you, you are  _ wrong _ . This universe needs you, Lance. And the fact that you can’t see that is because the universe let you down and not the other way around.” 

 

Lance was silent, his wide blue eyes staring directly into Keith’s. His mouth was slightly open in shock, clearly not expecting to get a lecture from Keith. The same Keith who only moments ago had been standing completely still in the middle of a firefight. 

 

Keith didn’t back away, instead letting his words sink in. He needed Lance to understand because saving his life would be pointless if he was just going to throw his life away as soon as Keith’s back was turned. This wasn’t just about saving Lance’s life anymore, this was about saving Lance. 

 

“I-” Lance began to say before he was cut off by his own breath leaving his lungs. Keith watched dumbfounded as Lance tried to breathe in but was instead met with a coughing fit, blood seeping out of the corners of his mouth and spilling down his chin. Lance started to fall forward and Keith snapped out of his confusion in time to catch him, his weight almost too much for Keith. Keith looked up to see Kuron standing in the alley, his weight shifted to the right as if he didn’t have a care in the world. 

 

“What did you do?!” Keith shouted, his voice filled with rage. He was still holding Lance in his arms. He could hear Lance’s failed attempts at breathing, his gasps accompanied by a thick, gurgling sound.

 

“You really ask just the stupidest questions.” Kuron said, sounding slightly amused. “Clearly I threw a knife and it landed in his back. Your knife, actually. You really shouldn’t leave your stuff lying around, someone could steal it.” 

 

Keith glanced over Lance’s shoulder and sure enough there was his dagger sticking out of Lance’s back. He felt his stomach twist as he realized that he had, in fact, left it in the square. Keith looked back up at Kuron, but he was gone. 

 

“Keith…it hurts...” He heard Lance’s raspy voice say. “Please...pull it out…” 

 

Keith felt some unknown force grip his heart. “No...you’ll die.” Lance was heavy and Keith could feel his knees start to shake under his dead weight. 

 

“Gonna...die anyway…” Was all Lance offered up in argument, but Keith knew he was right. 

 

“Okay…” Keith said quietly, trying to swallow the bad taste in his mouth. Lance was going to die, there was nothing Keith could do about that. The knife went in too deep and Keith was sure the internal bleeding was beyond repair. But he could let him die comfortably and that was going to have to be enough. 

 

Keith shifted Lance slightly in his arms so he could reach the hilt of his dagger. It was stuck in Lance’s upper back right below where the chestplate ended. Keith could see the wet stain around the dagger and judging from the size of the stain, Lance had lost a lot of blood. He wasn’t going to last much longer. 

 

“Stay with me, Lance.” Keith said, knowing that was impossible. Keith carefully gripped the hilt of his dagger. 

 

“...I’m...not going...anywhere…” Lance managed to say, his voice sounding tired and distant. 

 

Keith didn’t need an explanation to know what Lance truly meant. He knew what Lance was referring to. He was making a promise, a promise that he wouldn’t throw his life away so carelessly. 

 

Holding onto that promise, Keith tightened his grip on the dagger before pulling it out. He heard Lance cry out, pain causing his body to stiffen and then slump. Keith dropped the dagger that was painted in Lance’s bright red blood like it was on fire. He tried not to look at the gaping wound left behind that was now drenching Lance’s back in blood.

 

“I’m gonna set you down, okay?” Keith said, his voice hoarse. Lance didn’t respond, but he could still hear Lance struggling to breathe. He tried to not move Lance too much as he lowered him to the ground, leaning his against one of the walls of the alley. He was careful to make sure nothing was putting pressure on the wound in his back and then he gingerly removed Lance’s helmet and set it down next to him. 

 

Keith could feel water start to prick at the edges of his eyes now that he was able to see Lance’s face again. He was pale, paler than Keith had ever seen him. His eyes were barely open and he kept blinking like he was doing everything in his power to stay awake. Blood still dripped from his mouth, spilling down his face and onto the white of his armor. He kneeled down next to Lance, knowing there was nothing more he could do. 

 

“I’m so sorry…” Keith said, his voice low and desperate. 

 

“S’not...your fault…” Lance said, his gaze locking with Keith’s. 

 

“I  _ will  _ save you. I promise.” Keith said. He felt a single tear roll down his cheek, raw pain sending an ache pulsing within him. 

 

Lance didn’t respond, his gasping breaths coming out slower and slower as his strength drained away with his lifeforce. He watched as Lance lifted his arm, wincing slightly at the movement. Keith didn’t move as Lance’s hand rested gently against his face, his gloved fingers tracing his jawline. He felt Lance’s thumb make one, slow swipe across his cheek, brushing away the runaway tear. 

 

Keith leaned into the touch, finding comfort in the warmth of Lance’s hand. Despite the situation, Keith felt the same fluttery feeling he’d felt the last time Lance touched him like this erupt in his chest. He saw the corners of Lance’s lips turn up ever so slightly, already knowing what Keith was feeling. 

 

Keith returned the smile. “See you soon…” He muttered just loud enough for Lance to hear before his eyes closed and his hand fell from Keith’s face, landing with a thud on the ground next to him. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading and I hope you enjoyed it!  
> Any and all feedback you are willing and able to give is greatly appreciated.   
> Apparently telling y'all to "stay safe" is pointless because my writing has a tendency to emotionally destroy people but ya know what? I'm gonna say it anyway because 1) I want to 2) I say it at the end of everything I write and 3) I truly do hope everyone stays safe, even if only physically.   
> STAY SAFE and I'll see ya next time!
> 
> ~Redjay


	14. Bigger Than the Two of Them

There was fire in Keith’s eyes as he arrived on the bridge. Keith had surpassed mad and was now at the raging stage of his anger. And all of that rage was currently directed at one individual who had been the cause of this particular reset.

 

Keith had tunnel vision as he approached Kuron, ignoring how the other Blade members were side-eyeing him and the concerned tone of Allura’s voice as she asked if Keith was okay. All Keith could see was red as he approached Kuron. And what made Keith even more furious was how concerned Kuron looked. His brows were furrowed, his expression a mixture of confusion and concern.

 

“Keith, what’s wrong?” He heard Kuron ask, his voice holding the same intonation that he had heard Shiro use a thousand times before. This guy had some nerve.

 

“I can’t kill you.” Keith said, his voice low and dangerous. “But I _can_ hurt you.” Keith didn’t hesitate for one second. In one fluid motion, he balled his fist and swung it at Kuron, hitting him square in the jaw.

 

The room exploded in chaos as Kuron stumbled back from the force of Keith’s punch, just barely catching himself of the edge of a nearby console so he didn’t fall over. Keith heard startled shouts erupt from both the Blade members and team Voltron. Keith felt hands grab his shoulders, pulling him away from Kuron. He didn’t even look to see who it was, his mind still solely focused on Kuron who now had a concerned Allura at his side. Keith struggled against the people holding him back, wanting nothing more than to hit him again.

 

“Why the _fuck_ did you do it?!” Keith shouted at him, his voice the loudest amongst the chaos.

 

“Get him out of here! Now!” Allura commanded, putting herself between Keith and Kuron.

 

Keith felt himself being dragged backwards, his struggling seeming to have no effect on his detainers and it wasn’t until the door to the bridge shut, Kuron on the other side, did he finally stop resisting. He felt his anger start to drain out of him, leaving him tired and empty-feeling. It had been a long time since he had let his anger get the better of him, the last time being back at the garrison when Shiro had first gone missing. He had forgotten how consuming it could be, how unsatisfying it felt to act on it. Don’t get him wrong, nothing Kuron could ever say or do would make Keith forgive him. He was far past the point of forgiveness, but that also meant that nothing Keith could do would satisfy the rage in him towards Kuron. And that thought alone was exhausting. So much so that he barely noticed as he was pulled into the lounge and half-thrown onto the couch.

 

“Want to tell us what the hell that was all about?” Keith heard a familiar voice say, pulling him out of his head. He saw Lance standing over him, his expression a mixture of concern and irritation. Next to him stood Hunk who looked slightly apprehensive towards Keith, like he would jump up and start swinging again. Keith didn’t blame him for being cautious. When Keith didn’t respond to Lance’s question, he continued talking. “That was Shiro you punched, man! Shiro! What were you thinking?”

 

Keith desperately wanted to tell Lance that he didn’t, in fact, punch Shiro. He was pretty sure that if Lance did know who he really punched he would encourage Keith to punch him again. But Kuron’s threat still hung over Keith’s head and no matter how much he wanted to blurt out the truth, to share the burden of this secret, he knew he couldn’t risk it.

 

“It doesn’t matter…” Keith muttered, dropping his eyes to the floor between them mostly out of frustration.

 

“Bullshit it doesn’t!” Lance responded, his tone rising with his anger.

 

“What did you mean ‘why did you do it?’ What did Shiro do?” Hunk interjected, cutting off whatever rant Lance was about to go on.

 

Keith continued glaring at the ground, his jaw clenched tight. He couldn’t think of a way to explain himself out of this one, a fact he wished he would’ve thought of before hitting Kuron.

 

“Nothing.” Keith replied and it wasn’t technically a lie. Shiro hadn’t done anything because that imposter wasn’t Shiro. No matter how much he looked like Shiro or acted like Shiro, Keith knew who he really was. And even if he couldn’t tell anyone else the truth, he’d be damned if he was going to treat him like Shiro.

 

“C’mon, man.” He heard Hunk say. “You gotta tell us what’s going on.” His tone wasn’t hostile like Lance’s. It was understanding and patient, the perfect recipe to bring down Keith’s walls.

 

Keith could admit that at the present moment he didn’t have a lot of mental fortitude. Before the time loop, he had been strong in his convictions, able to stand on his own two feet. He had known what his job was and he was good at it. Saving the universe was a tall order but it was simple. Defeat Galra and save people. Simple. Easy. Doable. But now, things weren’t as clear. He knew what he _had_ to do. He had to save Lance, that much was abundantly clear. But actually doing that was so much harder than he ever could’ve possibly imagined. He didn’t know when and he couldn’t necessarily explain how, but somewhere along the way things had become messy and confusing, like a tornado was raging inside him, throwing around emotions that Keith had kept buried deep. Keith was left defenseless, the only solid thing he could hold onto was the fact that he wasn’t alone. So when Hunk hit him with his trademark supportive tone, Keith had crumbled.

 

He leaned back against the couch with a sigh, his eyes first shifting to Hunk and then to Lance. He still wasn’t about to tell them the truth about Kuron, but he supposed telling them about the time loop couldn’t hurt.

 

“There’s something you guys should know.” Keith said, his tone serious. “I’m caught-”

 

The door to the lounge slid open, cutting Keith off. Keith turned to see Kuron stepping into the room. “Hey guys, mind if I have a word with Keith in private?” His tone wasn’t angry, but Keith wasn’t going to believe that for one second.

 

“Are you sure, Shiro?” Lance asked, glancing at Keith worriedly.

 

“I’m sure.” Kuron said. “I don’t think he’ll attack me again. Right, Keith?”

 

Even if Lance and Hunk couldn’t hear the threatening undertone of Kuron’s voice, there was no way Keith could miss it.

 

“Right.” He said, not trying to hide the malice in his voice. Keith looked back at Lance and Hunk just in time to see them exchange glances before Hunk shrugged his shoulders and the two left the lounge, Lance shooting Keith one last concerned look before the door closed.

 

“That was quite a show you put on.” Kuron said amusedly as he maneuvered around the couch. Keith stood, not wanting to give Kuron the chance to look down on him.

 

“Why’d you do it?” Keith asked, crossing his arms and shooting a glare at him.

 

“So many questions with you.” Kuron said, letting out a bored-sounding sigh which he then followed up with a shrug. “Suppose there’s no harm in telling you. Truth is, I don’t know.”

 

“What the hell is that supposed to mean?” Keith spat at him. “How could you possibly not know?”

 

Kuron gave another disinterested shrug. “Orders came from the top. It’s not my job to ask why.”

 

“That’s not good enough!” Keith shouted, his temper getting the better of him again.

 

Kuron let out a laugh. “I don’t think the boss cares about whether something is good enough for you and truth is, neither do I. The _only_ thing I care about is doing whatever I can to keep this little shindig going. Those are my orders. So if, let’s say, I have to kill Lance in order to do that, I will.” Kuron leaned closer to Keith, the amused expression still plastered on his face. “Every. Single. Time.”

 

What Kuron had probably expected was for Keith to lash out, maybe hit him again. And in normal circumstances, that’s what he would’ve wanted to do. Hell, ten minutes ago that’s exactly what he would’ve done. But that’s not what Keith did. Instead, he stared at Kuron with a shocked expression on his face, his mind racing a mile a minute as he processed Kuron’s words.

 

“This isn’t about me…” He muttered to himself.

 

“What?” Kuron said, leaning back.

 

“This isn’t about me.” Keith repeated, finding the words foreign. “This isn’t about me or Lance or Taxion or this mission.”

 

“What are you talking about? I didn’t say that.”  

 

Keith didn’t respond, knowing he didn’t owe Kuron anything, much less an explanation. Instead he pushed past Kuron, desperate to get to the one person that could help him. A plan had started to form in Keith’s mind but he needed to act fast.

 

As Keith exited the lounge he thought back over what Kuron had said. The clue had been subtle, but it was definitely there. Kuron’s job was to keep the time loop going by any means necessary, meaning that whoever had created this time loop in the first place wanted the loop to continue. But why would they stick Keith in a time loop he couldn’t escape? At first he thought he had been targeted in order to break him, make him unable to fight and it had worked if Keith was being honest. If that had been the real reason behind this nightmare, there would be no reason for Kuron to keep him trapped. So it only made sense that there was something much bigger than Keith at play here and he intended to find out what that something was. There was some reason he was still in this time loop and figuring out what that reason was would be his ticket out.

 

Keith arrived back on the bridge, not even stopping as all eyes in the room turned to him. He made a beeline for Lance, a new kind of tunnel vision taking hold of his mind. He saw Lance shoot a worried look at Hunk who was standing next to him, but held his ground otherwise.

 

Keith stopped in front of Lance only long enough to say, “Do me a favor and stay far away from Shiro today. Trust me.” before he was on the move again, heading towards the small green paladin that was currently seated in their chair, engrossed with something on their console.

 

“Pidge.” Keith said as he approached. “Can we talk in your lab?”

 

Pidge looked up at him, a surprised expression on their face. “Uh...sure? As long as you promise not to go all feral on me or something.” They shot his a suspicious look.

 

Keith couldn’t help but roll his eyes. “Cross my heart and hope to die.”

 

“Hmm...good enough. Let’s go, Hotshot.” Pidge said, hopping up from their chair.

 

“Hotshot?” Keith asked as he followed Pidge out of the room.

 

Pidge shrugged. “I was gonna go with Hot Head but that just seemed too obvious, ya know?”

 

“If you say so…” Keith replied, not truly understanding.

 

“So, ya wanna tell me what this is all about? It’s not like you to just attack people like that. Especially Shiro.” Pidge half turned over their shoulder to look at Keith as they walked towards their lab.

 

Keith sighed. “Would you settle with a ‘I can’t tell you’?”

 

Pidge shrugged again. “I suppose so. That is, if you tell me why you can’t tell me.”

 

“That’s fair.” Keith replied, deciding that if he was going to tell Pidge about the time loop anyway, it was probably best to give them as much information as he could. “If I tell you, Lance will die.”

 

“Okay, so you’ve officially entered crazy town.” Pidge said, letting out a worried laugh.

 

“Honestly Pidge, I wish I was just making this stuff up.” Keith said. “Truth is, I’m caught in a time loop. And before you ask, I could prove it but I don’t really have the time, the trigger is Lance dying, this is the eighth reset, and yes, we’ve had this conversation before.”

 

The two had arrived at Pidge’s lab at this point. Pidge had situated themselves in front of their laptop while Keith leaned against the desk that was currently overflowing with wires and strange looking gizmos.

 

“You’re shitting me…” Pidge said, shock on their face rather than the disbelief Keith had expected.

 

“Not at all.” Keith replied plainly.

 

“So you attacked Shiro for something that happened in the last loop?” Pidge asked.

 

Keith only nodded in response.

 

“And you can’t tell me what he did because then Lance would die again?”

 

Keith gave another nod.

 

“Fuck, man. That’s rough.” Pidge said, leaning back in their chair with a stunned expression on their face. “Well, what do you need from me?”

 

“Here’s the thing.” Keith said. “I’ve tried everything to keep Lance from dying and something always goes wrong. So that got me thinking, maybe this isn’t about whether or not I can keep Lance from dying. Maybe it’s not about Lance dying at all.”

 

“What do you mean? How could it not be about that?” Pidge asked.

 

“Well, it is about that but maybe it’s not the _only_ thing this mess is about. See, I think there’s something larger at work here and if I can figure out what this is, I can save Lance and  escape this loop.”

 

“I get it.” Pidge said, deep in thought. “It makes sense. So, how do you plan on figuring all that out?”

 

“By finding the source.” Keith said. “Think you can give me a hand?”

 

A sly smile appeared on Pidge’s face as they cracked their fingers. “Hell yeah. Where do we start?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading and I hope you enjoyed it!  
> Shit, guys. Things are being revealed! How exciting!  
> Can I get real with you guys for a sec? So, I'm not what you would consider a well known writer in the Voltron fandom and I know that and am totally fine with fact. I own just this small little corner in the fandom where I share my writing and if people like it, they stick around. And in my tiny little corner is another tiny little corner were this fic sits. I have no idea how all y'all managed to find this tiny corner within a tiny corner but I am so glad that you did and you're loving it as much as I am. I know reading this fic can sometimes be painful (because...that's the point of angst) and as such I've very jazzed that you guys are sticking around for the ride. So I guess what I'm trying to say is thanks and I love all of you.  
> Feedback is appreciated...you know the drill at this point.  
> Stay safe and I'll see ya next time!
> 
> ~Redjay


	15. An Old Friend

“I’ve ran every test I can think of, searched every data-filled nook and cranny of this ship and I’m telling you there isn’t anything but the normal mumbo jumbo.” Pidge said, their voice slightly irritated.

 

“Did you check all of the data we’ve stolen from the Galra? And what about any intel we’ve gotten from the rebel fighters?” Keith asked, his own voice bordering on desperation. He was currently pacing in front of Pidge’s work station, resisting the urge to pull his hair out. 

 

“I’ve checked all of it and there’s nothing unusual. I’m sorry, Keith. If someone is sending messages to whoever created this time loop, they aren’t sending them through the castle.” Pidge replied, leaning back in their chair with a sigh. 

 

“That’s impossible.” Keith said, his defeated tone not convincing at all. 

 

“Are you sure they would be communicating through this ship?” Pidge asked. 

 

“Positive.” Keith replied. 

 

“Then I don’t understand…” Pidge said, rubbing their temples. “If there’s something weird going on in this castle I should be able to find it.” 

 

Keith stopped pacing, choosing instead to lean against the desk once more. “We’re running out of time. They’ll be starting the debriefing any minute now.”

 

Pidge let out a scoff. “If only there was a way to put us in a time loop until we figure it out.” 

 

A sudden thought popped into Keith’s head. “Hey, how hard do ya think it would be to set up a time loop like this one?” 

 

“How should I know?” Pidge said with a shrug. “It’s scientifically impossible.”

 

“Who said it had to be entirely scientific?” Keith asked. 

 

“What? You mean like some type of magic?” Pidge asked, raising an eyebrow. 

 

“Maybe.” Keith replied. “Do you think something like that could be possible?” 

 

Pidge was silent for a moment before answering. “Yeah, I guess. I’m no expert on magic, that’s more Allura’s area of expertise, but theoretically I suppose it wouldn’t be impossible for someone to manipulate time like that.”

 

“And how hard would it be to set something like that up?” Keith asked. 

 

“Well…” Pidge said ponderously. “I really can’t say for sure...but I would have to guess that messing with time is no walk in the park. Why?”

 

“Let’s assume for now that whoever caused all of this is using some type of magic. That tells us a few things.”

 

“Oh yeah? Like what?”

 

“They’re powerful.” Keith replied, the gears in his mind turning faster with each passing thought “And probably very dangerous. It also tells us why you can’t find any fluke in the castle’s system. They probably aren’t using any normal means to send messages.”

 

“True…” Pidge said, catching onto Keith’s train of thought. 

 

Keith pushed himself off the desk, feeling a sense of frustration wash over him again. “But that leaves the slight problem of not being able to track their communications.”

 

There was silence in the room again. It was Pidge who spoke first. 

 

“What’s the chances of you keeping Lance alive this time around?” Their voice was soft as they asked, an almost hidden tone of pain. 

 

“Not very high…” Keith replied quietly. It hurt to admit, but it was the truth. It wasn’t like he was giving up, but the odds were certainly stacked against him. For the first time since this nightmare started Keith felt like everything was truly out of his control. Before there had always been that  _ something  _ in the back of his mind telling him exactly what he needed to do. There had always been a plan: save Lance and the time loop would stop. And sure, the plan had never worked but it was still something solid that Keith could hang onto. Realizing that this whole thing wasn’t about him was a step in the right direction, he could admit that. But not knowing the real reason for this madness left Keith floating in limbo, not sure what to do. He needed a new plan and he needed it fast. He wasn’t sure how many more resets he could go through without completely losing it.

 

“There’s no way we can find out what messages are coming through this castle.” Pidge said, their voice sounding a little more determined than before. “But I think there might be a way to track foreign magical entities within the castle.”

 

Keith felt himself perk up a little. “Really? You can do that?” 

 

Pidge gave a small shrug. “I should. The only magic user on this ship is Allura. The castle’s logs should tell us everytime she uses it based on wormhole jumps and such. I simply have to search for a time magic was logged in the ship that wasn’t a direct result of Allura. After that it’s just a matter of finding out how it got in. Doing that should direct us to the source.”

 

“Are you sure that’ll work?” Keith asked, not wanting to get his hopes up too much. 

 

“Pretty sure.” Pidge replied. “But there is one tiny thing you’re going to have to do for me.” 

 

“What’s that?”

 

“Keep Lance alive until I can find the leak.” Pidge said. “If he dies before I finish then you’ll just have to go through all of the trouble of explaining everything to me again and I’ll have to set everything up again and blah blah blah. Better to just get it over with in one go. Think you can do that?”

 

“Keep Lance alive? You realize that’s like asking me to...I dunno...capture Mothman.” Keith said with a tired sigh. 

 

“So...impossible?” Pidge asked. 

 

Keith gave them a steely look before saying, “Yes, practically impossible, but I’m still going to try.” 

 

“Wait, hold up. Are you telling me that you actually tried-”

 

“Not the point.” Keith said, cutting Pidge off. “I’ll keep Lance alive. You’ve got as much time as you need.” 

 

\-----

 

“Keith, you’ll stay here with Pidge and Coran to coordinate.” 

 

“You can’t be serious?!” Keith practically shouted at Kolivan, not caring at the looks he received from the others in the room. “You can’t leave me behind! You need me down there!” 

 

“What we need is for this mission to succeed.” Kolivan replied calmly, his voice stern. “We can’t afford anyone to be distracted. Based on your previous actions, you’re currently a liability to this mission.” 

 

Every word out of Kolivan’s mouth was like a punch to the gut. “But I…” Keith heard himself say although he didn’t remember speaking. 

 

“My decision is final.” Kolivan said, looking away from Keith and addressing the rest of the room. “You all have your assignments. Let’s move out.”

 

Keith saw the others start to exit the room, but he barely registered it. He was lost in his own head. Left behind? How had it come to this? Who was supposed to keep Lance alive now? Who was going to be there to protect him against Kuron? How had he been so stupid? How could he let this happen? 

 

Keith felt a hand on his shoulder, pulling him out of his head. He saw Lance giving him a sympathetic look. “I don’t know what’s going on with you.” He said quietly. “But I’ll be careful. Promise. See you soon.” 

 

Keith didn’t reply, but watched as Lance exited the room. He should have been angry at himself but instead he just felt...empty. Like his body was done with feeling any emotions. He had overloaded his system and so everything had just shut down. 

 

“Fuck…” Keith muttered to himself.

 

“Well, this is a bit of a shitstorm.” He heard Pidge say from his side. “What’re you going to do?” 

 

“I’m going to Taxion.” Keith said, glancing at the small paladin. 

 

“And how do you plan on getting there? All of the Blade ships are about to take off.” Pidge pointed out. 

 

“What about the castle’s pods?” Keith asked, dropping his voice so Coran who was at his console wouldn’t overhear them. 

 

“Also a no-go.” Pidge said, shaking their head. “There was an...accident a little while ago. All of the pods were blown up…” 

 

“What?” Keith said, shock evident in his voice. “How?” 

 

Pidge looked away from Keith, their face slightly flushed. “You remember that rocket booster I put on that pod that one time?” 

 

“You mean the one that blew up and stranded Allura and me in space?” Keith asked. 

 

“Yeah...so I tried to make one that didn’t blow up when you used it and it was successful. I can say with absolute certainty that it didn’t blow up when I turned the rocket on.”

 

“But?” 

 

Pidge gave an awkward cough before saying, “It exploded from just turning the pod on...I’m still not sure how that happened. The other pods were...caught in the blast and haven’t  been repaired yet…”

 

Keith ran a hand through his hair, trying to not let the stress get to him. “Okay, so no pods.” 

 

“So how do you plan on getting to Taxion?” Pidge asked.

 

“Well, I still have one idea.” Keith said. “But it’ll probably blow the entire mission.”

 

“What do you mean?” Pidge asked. 

 

“Let’s just say it’ll be hard to miss a giant red cat flying over Taxion…” Keith replied. 

 

Pidge’s eyes widened with realization. “Lance is gonna be so mad that you stole Red.”

 

“Yeah, well I’d rather he be mad than dead.” Keith pointed out. 

 

“Fair.” Pidge said. “Okay, I’ll distract Coran so you can get to the red lion.”

 

Keith nodded and said, “Find the leak, Pidge. I’m counting on you.”

 

Pidge gave Keith a small salute. “I won’t let you down.” 

 

\-----

 

Keith looked up at the red lion, a sense of nostalgia settling into him. If he was being honest with himself, he had really missed being a paladin. Leaving the team had been one of the harder experiences he had faced in his life. There wasn’t a day that went by that he didn’t catch himself thinking back to the countless missions he had gone on as part of Voltron. 

 

It was true that if Keith had known who Kuron really was he wouldn’t have left at all. But he didn’t know. How could he have? And while he would forever regret letting the team down, he didn’t regret his decision to leave. He knew that it was best for everyone that he didn’t stick around. It had been no secret to him that the question of who was going to fly what lion had been a source of anxiety to the team, particularly Lance. Keith had a place to go if he didn’t have a lion; he was still a part of something. But Lance? That wasn’t the case. Lance had found a home with Voltron and Keith had already seen what would happen if Lance’s home was ripped away from him. He’d be damned if he was going to let it happen again. 

 

In the end, it had been an easy decision. That didn’t mean that it was painless. No, Keith could never forget the way his heart tore in half as he walked away from the only family he had ever known. But, he could live with the pain if it meant everyone else was happy. 

 

But right now, as he stared up at the red lion unsure of whether or not it was going to accept him, he felt misplaced. Like he was intruding in someone else’s home. Like he didn’t belong. And that was a feeling that shook him to his core. 

 

“I know that I let everyone down.” Keith said in a shaky voice to the red lion. “I know that I screwed up by letting Kuron pilot the black lion. And I know that I have no right to fly you anymore.” Keith could feel his voice catch and he swallowed hard, hoping that it would dispel some of his pent up emotions. “But I need your help. Lance is going to die and I’m the only one who can save him. But I can’t do that from here. Please, help me get to him.” 

 

The hangar was silent, Keith not even daring to breathe. His eyes were glued to the red lion, silently praying that it would let him in. The seconds ticked by, each one strengthening Keith’s desperations. 

 

“Please…” He heard himself say, his soft voice echoing in the large room. “Please…”

 

There was another moment of nothing, and then a faint yellow light started to glow in the red lion’s eyes. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading and I hope you enjoyed it!  
> I'm in my last few weeks of school and that means it's crunch time so I apologize for the lack of updates. I'm literally one big ball of caffeine induced stress which has just been a real fun time. BUT!!! Summer vacation is just around the corner for me so I should be updating a lot more. So look forward to that.   
> As always, any and all feedback you are willing and able to give is greatly appreciated.   
> Stay safe and I'll see ya next time, 
> 
> ~Redjay


	16. Ceasing to Care

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING: There is suicide in this chapter. Please read with caution.

It wasn’t the same. Something was off. 

 

Everything inside the red lion’s cockpit looked the same. There was the same controls, the same chair, even the smell was exactly as Keith remembered it. But yet, everything was different. 

 

Keith could sense a wall between himself and the red lion, the bond they had once formed no longer present. Red was pulling away from him, rejecting him. He could feel the reluctance to follow Keith’s commands as the Red lion flew towards Taxion. There was a resistance to his maneuvers, making his flying choppy and uncoordinated. And Keith would be lying to himself if he said that didn’t bother him. There had always been a small part in the back of his mind where he hoped that one day he could return to the red lion. It was easy to see that wouldn’t be the case but so much harder to actually admit to himself. 

 

At first Keith thought it was because he had abandoned the team, left them in the hands of Kuron. Logically, that would make sense. Why would the lions trust him after he had basically handed over the black lion to the enemy? It was an accidental betrayal, but a betrayal nonetheless. But the more he thought about it, the more it didn’t seem right. Zarkon had been able to almost take the black lion right out from under them. If things had played out differently, the black lion would now be piloted by Zarkon again, and Keith was pretty sure Black wouldn’t have resisted. No, Keith had never known the lions to take sides. They only sought out pilots worthy of them. In the end, it was the pilot who determined what side the lion fought for. 

 

So if not that, what was causing the rift between him and Red?

 

“Oh.” 

 

Keith could feel his grip tighten on Red’s control, his muscles tensing up from his sudden realization.

 

“It’s me.” Keith said to no one in particular. 

 

Keith didn’t belong in Red anymore. He wasn’t the type of pilot that Red needed. He wasn’t the same impulsive, hot-headed pilot that he used to be. He had changed. He had seen things, experienced things, done things that had shaped him into someone different. For all of the shitty things this time loop had done to him, it had given him one thing. 

 

Perspective. 

 

Keith had faced the consequences of wrong moves over and over again. One shot, one decision, one hesitation, one step in the wrong direction could end it all. He had seen the face of death too many times to ignore the weight of his actions. There was something to be said for relying on one’s instinct, but at what cost? Was it worth someone he cared about dying? Was it worth himself dying? 

 

Somewhere along the line Keith decided that no, it wasn’t worth losing someone he cared about and so he had pushed his gut feelings to the back. And while that wasn’t necessarily a bad thing, it did have one heart wrenching consequence. Keith was no longer a suitable pilot for the red lion. 

 

“I guess I’m really not part of the team…” Keith said quietly, the weight of despair settling into him. 

 

The red lion was silent, leaving Keith alone to deal with this new development. 

 

“Keith, Galra fighters are being scrambled. I think they spotted you.” Pidge’s voice said over the comm, interrupting Keith’s almost downward spiral. 

 

“Any word from the team?” Keith asked, his heart pounding in anticipation. He was alone in this fight. No one was going to step in if he froze up. He needed to push everything else aside if he was going to keep Lance alive. Easier said than done. 

 

“They know that the Galra are worked up about something but not what yet. I don’t think that’ll last long though.” Pidge replied, there voice slightly hushed, probably not wanting Coran to overhear. 

 

“And how long until you’ve located the leak?”

 

“I’ve started combing through the data but the algorithm I’ve set up needs time. At least an hour.” 

 

“An hour? I can do that.” Keith said, talking to himself more so than Pidge. “That’s no problem.” 

 

“Very convincing.” Pidge deadpanned. “It looks like fifteen fighters are headed your way. Less than a minute out.” 

 

“Copy that. Can you get me a location on Lance?” Keith asked, ignoring the sweat that was building on his forehead. He could do this. Fifteen fighters was easy. 

 

“Sending it to you now.”  Pidge replied. Moments later a dark blue blip appeared on one of the Red lion’s screens. From what Keith could tell Lance was in the market square he had died in during the first two resets. Made sense saying that he was on lookout duty again. 

 

“Got it. Thanks.” Keith could feel himself tensing up when he saw the Taxion’s marketplace on the horizon and with it fifteen Galra fighters heading straight for him. His breathing become more labored and he did everything he could to keep his mind in the present. Now was not the time to be distracted. 

 

The first shots came hurtling towards him, all fifteen fighters firing on him at once. There was no hesitation in Keith’s movements as dodged the oncoming barrage. While the red lion and him were no longer in sync, that didn’t mean he was a bad flier. Keith fired back at the fighters, causing a few to have to break away to avoid his attacks. Keith went after those first, sending Red into a charge in their direction. He saw purple flashes fly past either side of Red, the rest of the fighters on his tail. He knew he needed to dispose of them fast. He really had no time to waste. 

 

Keith fired at the three fighters in front of him, hitting each one with deadly accuracy. He dove out of the way of the explosions caused by the fighters and circled back around, heading towards the rest of the pack, dodging the gunfire that was sent his way. 

 

In the back of Keith’s mind he was surprised that he was keeping it together at all. He could hear the shots coming from the fighters, but he remained mostly unaffected. The only sensations he was getting were the normal ones caused by facing off against a small Galra fighter fleet. As long as he remained focused, he would leave this fight unharmed and emotionally sound...probably. 

 

Keith once again fired into the horde of fighters, finding his rhythm. Fire, dodge, charge, fire, dodge, charge. It wasn’t long before there were only five fighters left. “Time to finish this.” Keith muttered to himself. 

 

“What the hell do you think you’re doing?!” 

 

Keith was unprepared for the sudden yelling in his ear, his rhythm breaking the moment he heard the all too familiar voice. 

 

“You can’t just steal my lion! Give her back! This is betrayal!” Lance’s voice yelled into his ear, causing Keith to flinch. 

 

Keith was able to move out of the way of the fighters in time, but it was too late. His focus was broken. Keith blinked a few times, trying to tune out Lance’s voice while focusing on the fighters. 

 

“I...uh...It’s not...I didn’t…” Keith couldn’t form the correct words, the meaning getting stuck in his throat. It was all Keith could do to dodge the oncoming fire, listen to Lance screaming at him, and also think of a logical explanation that wouldn’t make it seem like he had lost his mind. 

 

“You’ve jeopardize the entire mission!” 

 

“It’s already been jeopardized.” Keith managed to say back although he didn’t offer any further explanation. He didn’t really think now was the time. 

 

Whatever Lance yelled back at him was lost when the red lion suddenly lurched forward, almost sending Keith flying out of the seat. Keith looked at his radar to see that one of the fighters had flanked him without his noticing. 

 

“Shit…” Keith muttered as he tried to maneuver Red out of its line of fire. Getting flanked was a rookie mistake. A couple months ago Keith would have already defeated all of these fighters. Probably in at least half the time it was taking him now. But flying a lion that he had no connection with was a serious disadvantage. His reactions were slow and as a result Red wass less than willing to trust his judgement. Another blast shook Red, this one coming in from the side. He could hear the alarms start to go off. 

 

“Keith!” He could hear Lance say over the comm. “Get out of there!” 

 

“Can’t.” Keith said, his voice hiding the anxiety that was rising within him. “Not if it means losing you again.” 

 

Keith knew that Lance would have no idea what he was talking about but he didn’t care. He stopped caring about how Lance would react a few resets ago. He knew how Lance felt about him and he hoped that those feelings would be enough for Lance to trust him. So far, that part had worked out for him. 

 

“I don’t understand…” He heard Lance say. 

 

Keith didn’t have time to respond, the red lion shaking again from being hit. He just couldn’t seem to get rid of the fighters. Keith did his best to keep ahold of Red’s controls. He knew that they were the only thing keeping him in the present. He could feel the pounding of his heart in chest, each beat sending a new wave of fear through him. Every shot sent his direction threatened to send him falling back into the commander's mansion. His vision had started to go blurry, the screens around him becoming unreadable. Lance’s voice was becoming distant, harder to hear, instead replaced with the echoes of the commander’s arrogant voice. 

 

“Get out of there! Keith, listen to me. It’s not worth it.  _ I’m  _ not worth it.” Lance’s voice said, sounding like it was a million miles away. 

 

And suddenly Keith was back, kneeling on the tiled floor and looking up at Lance, saying the exact same thing. 

 

“Lance, listen to me. It’s not worth it.  _ I’m _ not worth it.”

 

_ “You know, Keith, you’re wrong. You are worth it. The universe needs you but let’s face it...it’ll be just fine without me.”  _

 

“Please don’t…” Keith begged, desperation overpowering everything else in him. “I can’t do this again…” 

 

Lance only gave him a soft smile in return as he lifted the gun up to his head.

 

“Please!” Keith yelled, his body shaking. “You don’t know what this does to me!” 

 

_ “There’s no one else in the universe I would rather die for.” _

 

And then Lance pulled the trigger. 

 

And everything was silent. 

 

Everything was dark. 

 

Keith was alone, surrounded by black, the chaos of the fight on Taxion nowhere to be found. Keith could feel his entire being shattering all over again, each part of who he was breaking off and disappearing into the abyss.

 

None of this was fair. Nothing Keith had ever done had warranted this kind of karma. He had simply been dealt a bad hand. Even from the beginning the game had been rigged against him. And Keith had come to accept that. He had made peace with the fact that he was never going to be who he once was again. He had set any hopes of recovery aside for a greater cause and he didn’t regret it for one second. 

 

However, as with so many things, the resolve of the mind doesn’t mirror the resolve of the heart; a lesson that Keith was learning for the first time. While he knew what he had to do, the horrors that he had experienced had wore down his heart. There was only so much a person could take and apparently Keith had exceeded his limit. And now he was broken and with nothing to show for it. What a waste. He was wrecked, his heart hollow and cold and while he knew that without him Lance was doomed, he couldn’t find it within himself to care. 

 

In fact, Keith didn’t care about anything. So what if Lance died? So what if Kuron had replaced Shiro? So what if the universe fell to the Galra? He had already tried to fix those things and it had gotten him nowhere except here, torn apart and lost. So maybe it was better this way. Maybe it was easier to lose the part of himself that had caused this pain. Maybe not feeling was the answer he had been looking for. Shutting himself off from the emotions that had gotten him into this mess would be his saving grace. 

 

Because not feeling at all was better than feeling the pain of losing someone he loved. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading and I hope you enjoyed it!  
> Man, this was a heavy chapter and I'm going to be honest with you: I hated writing every word of it. But it was important so here we are.   
> Also, I'm officially on summer break so that means more frequent updates. So there ya go. I'm ending this on a happy note.   
> As always, any and all feedback you are willing and able to give is greatly appreciated.   
> Stay safe and I'll see ya next time, 
> 
> ~Redjay


	17. Replacing the Old

Keith wasn’t sure how long he was alone in the dark. It could’ve been seconds or it could’ve been years. Time was barely a concept, the weight of it just brushing past Keith without a second thought. For the first time in days Keith felt like he could breathe, like he wasn’t constantly being suffocated under the burdens of duty or promises. And it was freeing. 

 

There was nothing else in the dark. There was no sound. There was no light or warmth or...anything. Only him. And if that was how Keith spent the rest of his life? Well, he was okay with that. It was a far better option than returning to that nightmare. 

 

Keith stared ahead, only briefly wondering how far the darkness went. And as if to answer the fleeting question, something appeared on the horizon. It was small, so small that Keith thought it was just his eyes playing tricks on him, creating an illusion to fill the void in front of him. But as it grew closer, it started to glow brighter, taking on a striking hue that was fiery and unmistakable. The ball of color began to take shape, morphing in and out of a coherent form. First Keith only saw two large paws stepping out of the colored mass and then disappearing again in an instant before reamerging. Next he saw a long, sweeping tail flicking back and forth. Soon after the rest of the lion formed, it’s head being the last to emerge from the red, it’s eyes taking on a bright yellow color that were fixated on Keith. 

 

The lion continued her approach, each step she took sending a red ripple out into the void, illuminating the surrounding darkness. Keith could feel a warmth emanating from her as she drew close, a warmth that settled over him like a blanket of protection. Keith couldn’t help the soft smile that crept onto his face as he knelt down to greet her. 

 

“Hey, Red.” He said softly, voice echoing out. He placed his hands under her chin, her fur soft against his rough skin. He could feel a deep purr reverberate from her throat, sending a tingling sensation through his fingers and up his arms. Keith leaned down and placed his forehead on hers, closing his eyes and relishing in the warmth that she gave off. He could feel her delicately brushing against the edge of his conscious as if asking to be let in. He didn’t hesitate to open up to her. 

 

No words were spoken as two became one, the Red lion fitting into Keith like she had always belonged there. Keith could feel her working her way through his mind, catching up on what she had missed. She was careful not to prod too much, only stopping briefly to experience the emotions that Keith had felt before moving onto the next, all the while filling Keith with feelings of safety and security. When she was done Keith could feel a great sorrow coming from her. He could feel her pain as she too now had witnessed her pilot die over and over again. 

 

“I’m so sorry…” Keith whispered, his voice deafening in the silence around them. He opened his eyes and leaned slightly away from her, locking his gaze with her bright yellow one. Keith didn’t need any help to know what that gaze wanted. “Please don’t ask that of me...it’s too much…”

 

The red lion let out a small growl at Keith that sounded more like a whine than anything else. 

 

“He’s important to me, too.” Keith said, his own voice sounding weak. “But...it hurts so much…What if I go back and he ends up dying again? How am I supposed to deal with that?”

 

Keith felt the red lion gently pull forward one of Keith’s memories, placing it in the forefront of his mind. 

 

_ “Listen, man. I don’t know what you’ve seen or how I’ve...died.” Lance paused, a sickly look in his eyes. “But I do know that you  _ will _ save me. I know that you won’t stop until you do. There’s a reason that it’s you caught in the time loop and not someone else. So, yeah. I am sorry that you’ve had to go through this and I’m sorry that you’re gonna have to keep going through this. And  _ nothing  _ you say is going to change that.” _

 

Keith didn’t have time to dwell on the memory before Red replaced it with another. 

 

_ “Your heart…” Keith said, his voice low.  _

 

_ “Alive and beating.” Lance said, a relieved smile spreading across his face.  _

 

_ Keith didn’t remove his hand from Lance’s chest, he didn’t want to. He wanted to hold onto those soft thuds, a reminder of what he had to do, a reminder of what he would lose if he failed. He focused on the cadence of those thuds, the thuds that sent a message with every beat.  _

 

_ Alive. Alive. Alive. _

 

And another. 

 

_ “Hey, uh, you said I won’t remember any of this, right?” He asked.  _

 

_ “Right.” Keith replied, his voice sounding small.  _

 

_ “Promise?”  _

 

_ “I promise.”  _

 

_ “Good.” Lance said, closing the distance between them with a few steps, taking off his helmet and throwing it to the ground in the process. Keith wasn’t prepared for Lance’s hands to softly grab his face, thumbs gently rubbing against his cheekbones and fingers curling around his neck. He wasn’t prepared for the moment Lance’s lips pressed against his own, desperate but soft. But mostly, Keith wasn’t prepared for how he melted into Lance’s touch, his lips moving against Lance’s in a way that was entirely foreign to him yet felt so familiar. It all just felt so  _ right _.  _

 

_ And then Lance pulled away, releasing Keith from his hold. He gave him one last half smile before turning and walking down the hallway. Keith watched him go in stunned silence until he couldn’t see him anymore, unsure of what to do or think.  _

 

_ After a moment, Keith picked up Lance’s helmet from where he threw it, a fluttery feeling forming in his chest that overpowered the ache. “I will save you.” Keith whispered.  _

 

And another. 

 

_ “Lance…” Keith heard himself say, his voice soft. “You’re worth so much more than a hero’s funeral.” And it was true. He had never been more sure of anything else in his entire life.  _

 

_ “W-What…?” Lance replied, his expression morphing into one of guilt as he comprehended Keith’s words. “I...I don’t…” _

 

_ “Listen to me.” Keith said, taking a few steps closer to Lance and shooting him with a steely look. “I  _ am _ going to stop this time loop and I  _ am _ going to save you. And I don’t know when that’ll happen but I can promise you this: I won’t quit until  _ both _ of us make it out alive. And if you ever think that sacrificing yourself is your job, that sacrificing yourself is what’s expected of you, you are _ wrong _. This universe needs you, Lance. And the fact that you can’t see that is because the universe let you down and not the other way around.”  _

 

The last memory faded away and Keith was left staring into Red’s yellow eyes. Keith knew that she was right. If there was anyone in the universe that deserved to be saved it was Lance and Keith had made a promise. 

 

That didn’t mean that everything bad that Keith had been through would just disappear, but maybe that’s not what he should be focusing on. Maybe what he should take away from this horrific time loop was everything he had been given. Those precious moments where he had seen the real Lance, the Lance that was insecure and vulnerable, the Lance that cared so much for Keith that he had kept his feelings hidden. Keith understood Lance better now than he ever had before. How could Keith give up on those moments? How could he turn his back on the possibility of a future where Lance knew how much he was needed...knew how much Keith needed him?

 

Keith sighed, giving in. “Alright. I’ll do it for him.” 

 

The red lion started her deep purring again, nuzzling Keith’s hand. Keith smiled at her, running his fingers once again through her soft fur. 

 

“What am I going to do, Red? I’m in love with the man.” Keith said quietly. All he got for an answer was a small growl, but that was all the answer he needed. 

 

Keith placed his forehead on Red’s once more, closing his eyes. “Let’s go save him.”

 

\-----

 

Keith opened his eyes to a cacophony of noises. He could hear alarms blaring in Red’s cockpit, the sound of gunfire coming from all sides of him, and a voice calling his name. He blinked a few times, trying to make sense of his surroundings, read the many alerts that were up on the screens in front of him. He could still feel the red lion in his mind. She was sending him waves of trust and Keith really couldn’t afford to let her down. 

 

“Keith! Talk to me! Keith!” Lance’s voice was frantic, bordering on panicked. 

 

Keith took a deep breath, taking ahold of Red’s controls and focusing his mind. There were still five fighters active according to Red’s radar and it looked like they hadn’t waited around for Keith to wake up if the damage reports were anything to show for it. He needed to finish this quickly. “I’m okay.” Keith said into the comm. “I’ve got this.”

 

Lance only had time to reply with an “Oh, thank god!” before Keith pulled back hard on Red’s controls, sending the lion backwards and smashing into the fighter that had flanked him. The rest of the fighters followed after him but this time Keith was ready for them. He fired at the fighters that were racing towards him, hitting two of them before he had to move out of the way of their fire. 

 

The bond he shared with Red now was different from their old bond. Keith could feel it in the way he flew, in the kind of responses he was getting from the lion. It wasn’t better nor was it worse, it was just different. While their old bond was based on daring, on willingness to do whatever was necessary to win a fight, this new bond was formed on a promise, a promise to save the one person neither of them could bear to live without. Keith didn’t know how far this new bond would carry them, but for the moment it was enough. 

 

Destroying the last two fighters, was easy, each one only needed to be hit with Red’s lasers once before blowing up, and in the back of his mind Keith felt slightly foolish for having had trouble with them at all. He let out a long breath as he watched the last one go up in smoke. 

 

“Well, since that’s taken care of,” Keith heard Lance say over the comm. “Can I start yelling at you again or do you need a minute?” 

 

Keith rolled his eyes. “Always the dramatic. Sure, yeah. Go ahead and yell. But before you do, tell me where you’re at. I’m coming to find you.” 

 

“Oh, that’s better!” Lance replied. “Yelling to your face would be so much more satisfying! I’m sending you my location now.” Seconds later the dark blue blip moved on the screen. It looked like Lance was just a few squares over from where he had been, probably having to change positions to keep the red lion in sight.

 

“I’ll be there soon.” Keith said before switching his comm over to Pidge. “Hey, how much longer do ya need?”

 

“About forty-five minutes or so. Think you can do it?” Came Pidge’s reply. 

 

“We’ll see.” Was all Keith offered up in response. 

 

“Also, I’ve been getting a lot of angry messages from the rest of the team, all of them directed at you. I could pass them along if you want. They’re just a ball of fun.”

 

“Thanks, but I’ll pass.” Keith said dryly. “I think I’ve got bigger problems to deal with at the moment.” 

 

“Suit yourself. I’ll let you know when I’ve found the leak.” Pidge said and then Keith heard the comm go dead. 

 

“Alright, Red.” Keith said. “Time to go save Lance.” 

 

The lion let out a deafening roar before speeding down towards the market. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading and I hope you enjoyed it!  
> Any and all feedback you are willing and able to give is greatly appreciated.  
> Stay safe and I'll see ya next time!
> 
> ~Redjay


	18. Love and War

The streets of Taxion’s market had erupted in panic which Keith attributed to the fact that there was a firefight a couple hundred feet above their heads. Even from the pilot seat of the red lion Keith could see the abandoned stalls and tents turned over and trampled as the masses tried to flee. He could also see a few scattered fallen sentries which had either been taken down by Lance or had simply been swallowed by the crowd. He could see a single blue and white figure standing in the middle of the square looking up, rifle in hand; the one stationary thing amongst a sea of chaos.

 

It didn’t matter to Keith that in a few moments he’d have to listen to Lance yell at him for stealing the red lion and ruining the mission. He would willingly take that a hundred times over the alternative. Keith was just relieved to see him unharmed. And as he set Red down in the now mostly empty square, he was overcome with desperation that seemed to hit him like a ton of bricks. In the back of his mind he wondered if it was purely his own desperation or if Red had contributed to it in some way. 

 

Keith had shot up out of the pilot’s seat before the red lion had entirely shut down and before he knew it he was heading down the ramp, his pace dangerously close to an all out run. He could see Lance waiting for him at the bottom, rifle now put away. His weight was shifted to his right side, his left foot tapping impatiently. His arms were crossed against his chest and his steely gaze was fixated on Keith. It looked like he was seconds away from exploding into a rage of verbal warfare. 

 

One look at Lance’s face and Keith was sprinting, his feet pounding against the metal of the ramp. There was nothing in his mind except the need to get to Lance, to feel that he was still alive, to hear his breathing. At that moment that was all that mattered. Keith saw the moment that Lance’s expression became shocked, probably having realized that Keith wasn’t going to stop. He heard Lance let out a questioning “Keith…?” Uncertainty and confusion laced in his tone. Keith didn’t respond, instead closing the distance between them with a few more steps. 

 

Lance was barely able to uncross his arms before Keith was crashing into him, wrapping his arms around his neck. He could hear the small grunt Lance let out as he was forced back a few steps from Keith’s weight. Lance tensed, his whole body becoming stiff in Keith’s arms. Keith didn’t care; he just tightened his grip, no desire to let go. 

 

“U-uh, Keith?...Buddy?” Lance stuttered, clearly in a state of surprise. “What’s-uh-what’s goin’ on?” Despite Lance’s uneven tone, Keith could feel his body relax, two hands gently placing themselves on his back. 

 

“I’m just...happy you’re alive…” Keith mumbled into Lance’s shoulder knowing full well that wasn’t the extent of his emotions. 

 

“Why wouldn’t I be?” Lance asked, pushing Keith back so he could look at his face. Indigo eyes met blue, one gaze filled with exhaustion and the other with questions. “Are you okay?”

 

Keith only hesitated for a moment before answering. “No.” It was the truth. He wasn’t okay. He was so far past being okay that he barely even understood the concept anymore. 

 

“Oh…” Came Lance’s reply. 

 

“But we don’t have time for that right now.” Keith said, his voice tensing in determination. “I made a promise to her.” Keith said, pointed back at the red lion. “And I made a promise to you and if I’m going to keep those promises then we need to get moving before more Galra show up.”

 

“Wait, wait, wait.” Lance said, holding up a hand. “What are you talking about? What promise?”

 

Keith really didn’t feel like he had time to explain. Although he also had a suspicion that Lance wouldn’t do anything until Keith brought him up to speed. Keith sucked in a deep breath before hitting Lance with a rapid-fire version of the situation. “I’m stuck in a time loop. Your death is the trigger. Pidge is trying to find the source of the time loop. I need to keep you alive long enough for them to do that. Once they do, I can figure out a way out of it and keep you from dying.” It was a crude telling of their predicament, in no way conveying the mountain of shit that Keith had been through, but it was going to have to be enough for now. 

 

Keith didn’t wait for Lance to process everything he said before he had grabbed his wrist and was pulling him back up the ramp of the red lion. Lance didn’t resist him which Keith was grateful for but attributed mostly to Lance’s confusion. 

 

“I have questions.” Lance said. 

 

“This is the eighth reset. Yes, I’ve told you about it before. No, Pidge isn’t caught with me. And no, I really don’t want to talk about what happened. Anything else?” Keith said. The two had reached the cockpit, the red lion coming to life as they did. 

 

“I...died?” Lance asked, his voice surprisingly steady. 

 

“Yeah. A lot.” Keith replied, not wanting to elaborate. Lance seemed to get the message, instead asking, 

 

“What was the promise?”

 

“That I wouldn’t stop until I figured out a way to make sure you survive.” Keith replied, his voice not quite as strong as before. He did his best to hide the sudden ache that grew in his chest from Lance. He wasn’t sure how successful he was. 

 

“And you punched Shiro earlier because…” Lance trailed off, but Keith could see him connecting the dots. 

 

Keith shook his head. “That doesn’t matter right now. What matters is that I need to keep you alive.” 

 

Lance didn’t seem to hear him. “You were so angry.” Keith wasn’t sure if Lance was talking to him or just himself. “Even when we were back at the garrison, I’ve never seen you that angry.”

 

A lump formed in Keith’s throat and he tried to swallow it back down. “I...uh...had a good reason to be.” He somehow managed to say. Keith paused a moment, trying to collect his thoughts. “These last few resets have shown me a lot of different things about you and uh...one of those things has been how much you care...for the team! That is…” Keith was failing spectacularly and he knew it, but he kept going nonetheless. Better to just get it over with. “And then when something like what Shiro did to you happened...I just thought that the team would really want me to get some payback for you…” It wasn’t technically a lie but it was far from the truth. Good lord, was Keith bad at this.  

 

Lance was quiet for a long moment, his gaze seeming to be studying Keith’s face. Keith couldn’t help but look away, his eyes falling to the floor of the cockpit. His face grew hot and he was sure that his cheeks had gone red. This was certainly not the way he had foreseen the conversation going; ironic saying that he’d had a similar conversation at least two times before. 

 

“Holy shit!” Lance suddenly shouted, causing Keith’s eyes to flash back up to his face. “You know!” Lance’s expression was horror-filled, his normal tan skin turning a deathly pale. 

 

“I don’t know anything!” Keith said quickly, hoping to save Lance from a complete freak out. 

 

“You totally know that I...uh...” Lance trailed off, his own face turning tomato red. “Did one of my past selves tell you?!”

 

Keith paused, a sheepish expression crossing his face. He once again was unable to maintain eye contact with the blue paladin. “No...you didn’t tell me per se...you more of like...showed me…”

 

“Oh. My. God.” Lance said, sounding even more horrified than before. He took his helmet off and set it on the chair before pressing the palms of his hands to his eyes. Keith could clearly see his face flush although he wasn’t about to tell Lance that. He had enough embarrassment to deal with at the moment. “What were you thinking, past me? I thought we agreed to just repress everything?” 

 

Before Keith had time to even process what that meant, a sudden and loud blast shook the red lion, sending the two falling against the sides of the cockpit. 

 

“Shit!” Keith said, his arm stinging from where he had tried to brace himself. “We gotta go.” 

 

Lance didn’t respond, instead heading straight for the pilots seat, tossing his helmet aside as he sat down. Keith could see the Galra fighters on the radar. There were more than the first wave that attacked. Thirty, maybe even forty, were closing in on them fast. 

 

“Red’s in no condition to fight.” Lance said as Red took off from the ground. “We need to lose them somehow.” 

 

Keith had a tight grip on the back of the pilot’s chair. It was all he could do to not fall over. “Think we can outrun them?” 

 

“Maybe.” Lance replied. “But it looks like one of Red’s thrusters is out. We won’t be able to hit max speed without it working.” Lance nodded with his head to one of the monitors. 

 

Keith shifted so he could see the damage report. It looked like the thruster on the back left leg was incapacitated. “Any chance we can repair it from here?” Keith asked, already knowing the answer. 

 

“I don’t think so.” Lance replied. “Someone’s going to have to manually repair it. Not that it matters anyway. Neither of us are mechanics.”

 

Keith almost flinched at the plan forming in his mind. It was stupid. It was stupid and dangerous. It was stupid and dangerous and would probably end with him plummeting to his death. “Alright. Open the upper hatch. I’ll go fix it.”

 

“Are you insane!” Lance shouted, half turning towards Keith. “You’ll die if you go out there!” 

 

“It’s the only way.” Keith replied, his own voice determined. “I’ll get Pidge to tell me how to fix it once I’m out there.” 

 

“I’m not going to let you do that.” Lance said, his tone sharp.

 

Keith felt something inside him soften. “I don’t think we have much of a choice.” Keith rested a hand on Lance’s shoulder, trying to reassure him. Lance shook it off, his anger clear in the way he gripped Red’s controls, hands slightly shaking. 

 

Keith set his jaw before moving to stand at the side of the chair. “You need to trust me. It’s the only way.” 

 

Lance didn’t say anything, his gaze locked on the monitors in front of him. In the corner of his eye Keith could see the dozens of blinking lights growing closer. They had no time. It was a snap decision and Keith wasn’t sure if he’d come to regret it later. Using one hand, Keith grabbed Lance’s chin and forced him to look at Keith, Lance letting out a sudden “Hey!” as he did. That didn’t stop Keith, though, as he leaned down and captured the blue paladin’s lips with his own. It was nothing like the first. This one was filled with fear and desperation. It was a kiss powered by adrenaline rather than reason. Keith had thrown reason out the window the moment he decided to risk his life by riding on the outside of a giant cat warship. 

 

It only lasted a moment before Keith was pulling away, turning and slamming his fist down on the button that would open the hatch. Wind whipped through the cockpit, almost causing Keith to lose his balance. 

 

“No fair!” He heard Lance yell over the wind. “You distracted me!”

 

“All’s fair in love and war!” Keith yelled back, sending a smirk Lance’s way before activating his mask. Keith, bracing himself against the wind, made his way over to the ladder and started to climb. Just before he was out of Keith’s sight, he turned back to Lance who was watching him over his shoulder, a worried look on his face. Hoping his voice wouldn’t get lost in the wind, he shouted, 

 

“No barrel rolls, okay?!”

 

Despite his worry, he saw Lance roll his eyes and send him a mocking thumbs up. Keith couldn’t help but smile at that. Even in situations like this he was still a lovable dork. Keith took a deep breath to steady the nerves that were going haywire in his stomach before climbing the rest of the way up the ladder. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading and I hope you enjoyed it!  
> As always, any and all feedback you are willing and able to give is greatly appreciated.   
> Stay safe and I'll see ya next time!
> 
> ~Redjay


	19. Out of Time

It was hard to breath. There was simply not enough air. It was flying past faster than he could inhale. An ache was building in his lungs, his vision blurring. Suffocating. He was suffocating. It was slow, but it was there. Even his mask wasn’t enough to combat the thunderous wind that surrounded him. It roared in his ears, raging against his eardrums in beats made for war. His mind screamed at him to cover his ears, to block out the noise, but Keith only clenched his jaw and gripped his fingers tighter around the edge of the hatch he had just crawled out of.

 

Everything was hazy. Taxion sped by on either side of him, an array of browns, yellows, and greens mixing together in an unnatural way. One color started before the next stopped, creating patterns that meshed and clashed, a sight too frenzied for Keith’s eyes. Instead, he focused on the fleet of Galra fighters tailing the red lion, growing steadily closer, firing just enough to make Lance swerve, threatening to throw Keith off, send him falling towards the dirt covered streets of the markets.

 

He was on the clock. He was caught in a race for his life. Who would win? His suffocation? The Galra fighters? Or Keith? The odds were certainly stacked against him.

 

Iron grip tightening even more on his left hand, he released his right. A pop. Not heard, but felt. Right in his shoulder as his arm whipped forward, unable to stand against the wall of wind slamming into his back. Then pain. So much pain. His scream was muffled by the wind, his voice lost in the roar.

 

A voice in the back of his mind told him it was dislocated. He should stop moving it. There would only be more pain if he moved it. Keith ignored that voice. He was really good at ignoring that voice. Swallowing the pain, he brought his arm back, each movement sending shockwaves throughout his body. He knew the moment it popped back into place, the snap sending another round of pain shooting out from his shoulder. Still, he didn’t stop. He didn’t stop until his hands was tightly gripping the hilt of his dagger that was sheathed along the small of his back.

 

Unsheathing it was easy - well as easy as it could be with a dislocated shoulder while on top of an alien warship that was flying at speeds incomprehensible to the human mind - forcing it into the hull of red lion was hard. But with a few strained grunts and some mental pleading with the lion itself, the blade cut through the metal, creating an anchor for Keith.

 

He was running out of time. The fighters were closer. His lungs contracted more with each half-breath he took. He had to move and he had to move fast.

 

There was no time to think about what would happen if he missed. There was no time to think about what would happen if the lion swerved at just the right moment. He could only act. And so he did. He let go of the hatch, left hand immediately reaching for the hilt of the dagger. Given the circumstances, it was amazing he had been able to grab it at all. His legs were being pulled towards the back of the lion, wind clutching at his limbs, trying desperately to make him let go.

 

But he couldn’t think about that. Not now. He wasted no time, pulling himself up towards the dagger, bracing his right hand against Red, giving himself enough leverage to pull the dagger out. He paused only briefly, gathering whatever courage was inside him. And then he did.

 

Less than a second. That was how long the dagger was retracted from lion before Keith was digging it back in, body jerking with the sudden stop, world spinning just a little too much. Keith blinked a few times, waiting for his senses to catch up with him. When they did, he could see how far he had moved. Roughy twenty feet in front of him he could see the hatch closing.

 

Keith steeled himself once more, muscles straining as he pulled himself up against the wind. His fingers stung from his grip on the hilt but he refused to let go. He could do this. He could. Probably.

 

And so Keith started. Stab. Pull. Brace. Release. Stab. Pull. Brace. Release. Stab. Pull. Brace. Release. It was a rhythm that got him closer and to the broken thruster. Some parts of the red lion were easier than others. Getting up over the back plate had been a struggle all its own. One misplaced foot would’ve been enough to end his lion-riding adventure right there. But he wouldn’t allow himself to fail. He’d faced far too many failures. He wasn’t about to let this one end in failure too. Not when he could do something about it. Not when he had the chance to save the one person who meant the most to him.

 

Stab. Pull. Brace. Release. Stab. Pull. Brace. Release. The rhythm continued, only stopping when the lion beneath him shifted directions to avoid the oncoming fire that was becoming more and more frequent. Keith ignored how close the fighters were. He ignored how he was seeing double, the oxygen deprivation causing darkness to swim on the edge of his vision. All he could do was keep moving. Stab. Pull. Brace. Release.

 

And finally. _Finally._ He made it to the back of the lion, the only thing behind him being the tail and the fleet of fighters. He was almost there. Now hanging off the back of the lion, he was reprieved from the wind. It was still there, if only muted a little. His lungs filled with air, short and pained gasps escaping his lips as his vision started to steady. He’d beaten suffocation. At least for now.

 

But still, he was running out of time. He continued moving towards the left leg, using his dagger and the edge of the lion to maneuver himself. Keith could see the shots fired from the fighters zoom past him, their purple hue mixing with the blur of Taxion, reminding him he hadn’t won yet. Reaching the back leg, Keith started the climb down towards the thrusters, still using his dagger as an anchor.

 

“Pidge!” Keith yelled into his comm, hoping his voice could be heard. “Pidge! Come in!”

 

“I hear you.” Pidge’s voice responded, their voice sounding far away. “Where are you?”

 

“Uh...hard to explain.” Keith responded. “I’m about to scan this thruster. I need you to tell me how to fix it.”

 

“Scan the thru-? Keith! Are you on the _outside_ of the red lion?!” Pidge shouted into his ear.

 

“Something like that.” Keith replied, now situated just to the right of the thruster. Even to Keith’s untrained eye he could see that it wasn’t short circuiting. There weren’t any pops of electricity or sparks. He prayed that was a good sign. “I’m sending you the scan now.” His left arm holding him in place, Keith raised his right, biting back the cry that threatened to escape his lips. He really needed to stop using that arm. The purple beam shot out from his wrist, moving up and down as it scanned the thruster.

 

“Got it.” Pidge said a few moments later. “One sec…”

 

“Please hurry.” Keith said, not daring to look back at how close the fighters were.

 

“Okay, okay.” Pidge said. “It doesn’t look like it’s damaged at all. One of the propulsion conduits is out of alignment.”

 

“English please!” Keith said, his tone not hiding his need for Pidge to get to the point. It was hard enough ignoring the way his muscles screamed at him. He didn’t need techno babble he didn’t understand adding to this already hairy situation.

 

“Sorry!” Pidge replied, an actual note of guilt in their voice. “Do you see the column-looking thingies inside the thruster?”

 

Keith moved to the left slightly so he could see inside the thruster. Sure enough, there was four columns running the length of the thruster. Three of them were upright, but the one the far right was angled slightly towards Keith. “I see them.”

 

“Okay. See the one that’s knocked out of place? All you have to do is knock it back into place. Make sense?”

 

“Sounds easy enough.” Keith replied.

 

“Yeah, just make sure you’re nowhere near that thruster when it turns on. You’ll get burned alive.” Pidge said.

 

“Sure thing.” Keith said, already on the move again. Gripping the metal of the lion tightly, Keith hoisted himself so he was hanging off the top of the thruster, feet braced against the columns inside. Drawing his leg back, he kicked out at the skewed column, foot slamming against the hard metal. It barely moved.

 

Cursing under his breath, Keith kicked at the column again. And again. And again. Still, it barely moved. “Pidge!” Keith yelled. “It’s not moving!”

 

“Those things are Altean built.” Came Pidge’s response. “You’re gonna need to create a lot of force to move it.”

 

“Fuck.” Keith said, knowing what he would have to do. Still, he didn’t hesitate. His mind was made up. He started repositioning himself again. He stuck his dagger into the top of the thruster with one hand, the other then reaching into one of his pouches for the thin cord he kept in it. Fingers working as fast as he could manage, he tied the cord around the hilt of the dagger with one hand, hoping that the knot would be tight enough. That was step one. Now for step two.

 

“Lance.” Keith said. “I need you to slow Red down.”

 

“Are you crazy?!” Keith could hear the hysterics in his voice. “The Galra will catch us.”

 

“I know.” Keith replied. “But this is the only way to get the thruster working.”

 

“They’ll blast you for sure.” Lance replied, his voice sounding small. A swell of emotion rose in Keith’s chest, a lump forming in his throat.

 

“They won’t.” He said, his voice strong and steady.

 

“You can’t know that.”

 

“Can you please just trust me?”

 

There was silence for a few moments before Lance’s voice was in his ear again. “Okay. I trust you. I’ll slow down.”

 

“Thank you.” Keith said and it was sincere. He knew what he was asking wasn’t easy, although he doubted Lance knew the whole of his plan. He wouldn’t have agreed to slow down if he had. “Once I get the thruster working, give it everything you got.”

 

“Roger that.” Lance replied, his voice not nearly as confident as Keith’s. “Slowing down in three...two...one…”

 

Keith braced himself as the lion slowed, chest resting against the lip of the thruster. He gave himself three seconds. That’s how long it would take before the fighters caught up with the lion.

 

One…

 

Keith gripped the cord with both hands and pushed off the lion, his body suspended in open air.

 

Two…

 

He swung back towards the lion hard, both feet aiming for the column. There was a resonating bang as his feet made contact. He could feel the column move, jerking into place.

 

Three…

 

Keith let go of the rope, sending himself into freefall. “Punch it.” He said over the comm as the lion and the fighters continued on without him, disappearing over the horizon.

 

Keith didn’t look at the ground as he fell. He didn’t want to know how much time he had left. Didn’t want the last thing he saw to be the dirt. Instead he looked up. He looked at the sea green sky of Taxion. He looked at the soft puffs of purple clouds that floated above him. He looked up as he was pulled down. Looked up because he had done it. He had kept Lance safe.

 

And sure, maybe he didn’t know what had caused this time loop. But it didn’t matter anymore because Lance was safe in the red lion. He was safe and everything could finally just _stop_.

 

Keith looked up, not a single regret crossing his mind. He looked up, knowing that today was finally going to end.

 

Even though he would never see tomorrow, Keith looked up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading and I hope you enjoyed it!  
> Just to make things clear, this is NOT the end. I wouldn't do that to you guys. I'm not that mean. Nah, we still have a substantial number of things to resolve so just...chill. Take a deep breath. It'll all be good...maybe. Depends on your definition of good.  
> Anyway, any and all feedback you are willing and able to give is greatly appreciated.  
> Stay safe and I'll see ya next time!
> 
> ~Redjay


	20. Losing One, Finding Another

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is dedicated to Carthix who is a constant blessing to me. Please accept this chapter as a thank you for everything you do (even if it does rip your heart out) :)

Peace. Keith was at peace. Memories were flashing through his mind, all of them of filling him with so much  _ love _ . 

 

He remembered when his dad would drive them far out into the desert at night where light wouldn’t block out the stars. He remembered how his dad would point at the sky, listing off the names of the constellations even if Keith couldn’t see them. He remembered falling asleep in his dad’s lap, the blanket of stars lulling him to sleep.

 

He remembered Shiro sitting with him for hours in the simulator when he had first entered the garrison, teaching Keith the best way to pilot. He had never grown impatient with Keith even when Keith’s anger had gotten the better of him. He would just smile and say how impressed he was at how far Keith had come. 

 

He remembered deciding to leave the team. He remembered how he had thought that he would be met with anger, that they would have not approved of his choice. But when they all sent him off with smiles and hugs, Keith had never felt like he belonged more. 

 

He remembered Lance. All of him. Every single moment he had spent with Lance, the good and the bad. He remembered everything. Every small exchange. Every glance. Every emotion that Lance had made him feel. Every word that Lance had said to him. 

 

_ “There’s no one else in the universe I would rather die for.” _

 

Keith’s chuckle got lost in the wind as he remembered the phrase that had haunted him. It didn’t seem so bad now. In fact, Keith  _ understood _ . 

 

“Lance…” Keith said, speaking to the air above him. “There’s no one in the universe I would rather die for…”

 

“Good to know, but how about no.” Lance’s voice came over the comm. 

 

Keith had no time to process. One second he was free falling and the next his back was slamming into a hard surface, air shooting out of his lungs and causing him to cough as he tried to figure out what happened. 

 

“How fucking  _ dare  _ you ask me to trust you and then you go and pull a stunt like that.” Lance’s wasn’t yelling. No, his voice was dangerously even. 

 

“Lance.” Keith said into his comm, having realized he was in the mouth of the red lion. Lance had come back for him. “I-”

 

“I really don’t want to hear it Keith. Not from you.” Lance said, a rage hidden in the calmness of his voice. 

 

The comm went dead and Keith knew. There was no doubt that he had fucked up. It seemed that even if he did things right he was still wrong. With a sigh, Keith stood, deactivating his mask as he did. There was an ache in his legs, muscles cramping and twisting so each step he took was another dose of pain. It was nothing, however, compared to his shoulder. He gripped his right shoulder with his left hand, trying to keep it from moving. With nothing else to distract him, the stabbing pain had hit him tenfold. He let out a small hiss every time it shifted in the wrong way.

 

It was slow going, but every step he took brought him closer to the cockpit where he was going to have to face Lance again. In all honesty, he wasn’t sure what to expect. He had seen Lance angry before. Many a time he had been on the receiving end of Lance’s angered shouting. But he had never seen Lance so calm. That was scarier than riding on the outside of a flying lion. He would much rather do that again, dislocated shoulder and all. 

 

Unfortunately, that wasn’t an option for him. He doubted Lance would let him out of his sight, much less do anything dangerous. And as Keith entered the cockpit, he grew even more certain of that fact. Everything looked exactly the same as it did when he left it. There were still damage reports flashing on the screen and forty or so purple blips on the radar, although they were falling further and further back by the second. Lance still sat in the pilot’s seat, not even turning to look at him as Keith entered. Everything was the same. Everything except for how tightly Lance was gripping the controls. It looked like he was about to snap them in half. 

 

That wasn’t good. 

 

Keith swallowed hard, bracing himself for whatever storm he had just walked into. “Lance.” 

 

Lance didn’t respond. He just kept staring forward. Keith briefly noticed that they had left Taxion and were heading towards the castle. Keith took another breath before trying again. 

 

“Lance.”

 

“Don’t.” Lance said, his grip going even tighter. “Just...don’t.”

 

Keith didn’t say anything back although he desperately wanted to. He wanted to apologize and explain and so much more. But he didn’t because he didn’t want to make things worse. He wanted to salvage whatever he could and if staying quiet was the way to do it, that’s what he would do. 

 

There was no more exchanges as Lance flew the red lion the rest of the way to the castle, setting her down gently in the hangar. It wasn’t until Lance stood up and faced him that Keith could see just how angry he was, a fire dancing in his eyes. More than that, though, Keith could see hurt. 

 

Still, Keith didn’t say anything. He waited for Lance. Waited because he didn’t trust himself to say the right thing. 

 

“You  _ used _ me.” His voice was quiet, barely echoing against the walls of the cockpit. “You knew about my stupid feelings for you and you took advantage of them. I pegged you for a lot of things, Keith, but cruel wasn’t one of them.”

 

Something tore inside Keith as Lance’s words branded themselves into him. “That’s not-I didn’t-I just-” Thoughts were running and crashing together in his mind, rendering him unable to explain. In the end the only thing he was able to choke out was, “I never meant to hurt you, Lance. Please believe that. You mean too much…”

 

“That’s not the point!” Tears danced on the edges of Lance’s eyes as his rage finally broke free. “Feelings or no, you still did what you did! I’m not stupid, Keith. I  _ know _ we’re in the middle of a war. I  _ know _ that sometimes sacrifices have to be made. But when you ask someone to trust you knowing full well they will and then do  _ that _ ?” Lance paused, taking a deep breath and then dropping his voice low. “I don’t care what you’ve been through. I don’t care how many times I’ve died. None of that is an excuse for using me like that. If that’s what being with you is like, then I don’t want any part of it.”

 

Keith could feel himself breaking in a whole new way as Lance pushed past him and left the cockpit. He was breaking because he knew there was no lie in Lance’s words. He was breaking because he had lost the one person he couldn’t afford to lose. He was breaking because it had always been his decision as to whether or not he wanted to be with Lance. He had never imagined the possibility that Lance wouldn’t want to be with him. 

 

And it was all his fault. There was no one to blame but himself. 

 

The pain in his shoulder was overpowered by the sudden shattering of his heart. Each piece breaking off one by one and digging into his organs like glass, cutting deep. 

 

What was he supposed to do now?

 

“Keith. Get up to the bridge. I’ve discovered where the leak is coming from...and I don’t think you’re gonna like it.” Pidge’s voice cut through Keith’s thoughts, the comm going dead before he even had time to respond. 

 

That. He could do that. Losing Lance didn't change his mission. No matter how much Lance hated him, he still was going to save him. He could do that. If he couldn’t do anything else right, he could do that. 

 

Keith arrived on the bridge a few minutes later, immediately noticing that Lance was nowhere in sight. Keith tried to keep his face composed as he approached Pidge who was tapping away at one of the consoles in the room. 

 

“You know where it’s coming from?” Keith asked as he approached them. 

 

“I sure do.” Pidge replied, looking up at Keith. “You okay, man? You look pale. Paler than usual. And why are you holding your shoulder like that?”

 

“Dislocated it.” Keith replied, deciding to ignore the pale comment. He didn’t really feel like explaining the whole Lance situation at the moment. 

 

“That’s why you should never ride on the  _ outside  _ of a lion. The fact that you’re alive at all is a fucking miracle.” 

 

Keith could feel his gut twist and decided to redirect the conversation. “So the leak?”

 

“Oh, yeah. So I isolated all of the times Allura has used her magic and that left us with one reoccurring magical event that I can’t explain.” 

 

“Which is what?”

 

Pidge pointed at the monitor, fingering hovering over the armory where a red blip was going off. “I think it’s coming from your old armor, Keith.”

 

“I’m sorry,  _ what? _ ” 

 

“I don’t know how to explain it either. But the only thing down there right now is the red armor.” 

 

Keith stared at the red blip for a few more seconds, confusion swirling in his brain. “I guess there’s only one way to find out what’s going on. I’ll head down there and check it out.” 

 

“I’ll go with you.” Pidge said. “Who knows how dangerous it could get?”

 

“Aren’t you supposed to be helping coordinate?”Keith asked.

 

Pidge shrugged. “After everything went to hell on Taxion, Coran took over.” Pidge nodded their head in the direction of Coran who was tapping furiously on a console and speaking quickly into his comm. “I kinda just wanted to stay out of his way at this point. He’s much better at this than I am.”

 

Keith regarded Coran for a moment before turning back to Pidge and saying, “Alright. Let’s go.”

 

\-----

 

As the two entered the armory, Keith noticed that everything looked normal. Four of the glass cases that stored the paladin armor were empty. The fifth held the red armor which looked exactly as Keith had left it when he had last put it away. 

 

“Are you sure about this?” He asked Pidge, giving them a sidelong glance.

 

“Of course I am. Don’t doubt the data.” Pidge said with an annoyed huff.

 

“Sorry…” Keith muttered, walking towards the case. An eerie atmosphere settled in the room as he approached the armor. Anxiety wormed its way through him and he was suddenly very glad the small paladin was there with him. Keith pressed the button to lower the glass, but didn’t make a move once it was down, not sure what he was supposed to do. 

 

“I mean...Just try to touch it, I guess?” Pidge said from his side. 

 

Keith didn’t respond, instead slowly reaching out his left hand, bracing himself for anything. He rested his fingers gently against the chest piece of the armor. 

 

A flash. Then darkness. Then...something…

 

It was hard to make out, but there was a table in a dark room. A figure was on top of it, held down by restraints. As Keith squinted into the darkness, trying to make out a face, he heard a voice. 

 

“ _ You’ll never escape. Not until I get what I want.” _

 

The voice coiled around his thoughts like a snake, each word tightening its grip until it was crushing his mind. It was excruciating. He couldn’t fight it. There was no way to fight it. Keith tried to scream but there was no air. He reached out desperately towards the figure on the table, begging for some relief. 

 

White hair. A scar. It’s familiar. Too familiar. 

 

And then he’s falling, crashing to the ground, grunts coming from next to him. He blinks, eyes searching for the table again, but he’s back in the armory. 

 

“Are you okay?!” Pidge says from the ground next to Keith. They’re panting slightly, fear present in their eyes. 

 

“It was him.” Keith says, eyes turning to the red armor which looked untouched. 

 

“Who?” Pidge asked. 

 

“Shiro.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading and I hope you enjoyed it!  
> Any and all feedback you are willing and able to give is greatly appreciated.  
> Stay safe and I'll see ya next time!
> 
> ~Redjay


	21. The Crimson Paladins

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING: This chapter is a lot. Like, I made myself nauseous while writing one part AND I'M THE AUTHOR. I knew it was coming. So yeah, please please PLEASE proceed with caution. It's very graphic. 
> 
> ALSO: I've raised the rating to explicit because I think it would be insensitive for me to keep it at mature after this chapter.

“Shiro? But he’s down on Taxion.” Pidge said, looking skeptically at Keith.

 

Keith shook his head, standing up from the floor, panic infiltrating every one of his senses. “He’s not. He’s captured. She’s got him.”

 

“Who’s she?” Pidge asked, standing up as well.

 

“Haggar.” Keith replied. “We have to rescue him, Pidge. We _have_ to.”

 

“Hold up!” Pidge said, placing a hand on Keith’s good arm in an attempt to calm him down. “I just pulled you away from being enveloped in some weird dark magic that had you screaming, Keith, _screaming_. And now you’re saying we need to save Shiro and you saw Haggar and-”

 

“I didn’t see her.” Keith cut in.

 

“What?”

 

“I didn’t see her.” Keith repeated. “I kinda heard her...in my mind.”

 

“Oh, Keith that’s not good.” Pidge said, clearly worried. “What exactly happened?”

 

Keith let out a long exhale, trying to slow himself down enough to explain everything that just happened. “It was a vision, I think. Or something like that. Shiro was there being held prisoner a-and then she was in my head. Telling me that I wasn’t going to get out of this time loop until…” Keith trailed off, a chill settling over him as he remembered her words.

 

“Until?” Pidge prompted.

 

“Until she got what she wanted.”

 

“Well that’s vague as hell.” Pidge said with an annoyed sigh. “Are you sure Shiro was actually there? Maybe it was just what she wanted you to see.”

 

Keith shook his head. “It felt real. He was there. I’m sure of it.”

 

Pidge turned to look back at the armor. “Alright, I trust your instincts but...how did she manage to infect the armor with her magic?”

 

“She probably had some help.” Keith said, anger in his voice.

 

“Help?” Pidge asked.

 

“I’ll explain later.” Keith replied. “Why my armor?”

 

“Well, this time loop _is_ centered around you. Maybe she needed something connected to you.” Pidge suggested.

 

“You think if we destroyed the armor the time loop would stop?” Keith asked, a hint of hope in his voice.

 

“I doubt she would make it that easy.” Pidge replied, giving Keith a sympathetic look.

 

“You’re pro-”

 

It came faster than anything Keith could have prepared for. One moment he was fine, all things considered, and the next he was on his knees, hands tangled in his hair as a scream was ripped from his throat. His mind was twisting and folding in on itself, being pushed smaller and smaller, cornering him.

 

_“You’re mine.”_

 

He tried to push back, to reclaim what had been lost, but his attempts were futile against the force pressing in on him. It was so heavy, so dense, so strong. There was nothing he could do as he was overtaken, limbs becoming unresponsive one by one until everything was gone except for his senses.

 

“Keith?” Pidge said, taking a hesitant step away from him. He wanted to tell them to run, to get away from him, to warn the others but his voice wouldn’t respond. “Keith, are you okay?”

 

Keith could feel himself get up from the floor although it hadn’t been him who was willing himself to move. He saw Pidge activate their bayard, pointing it at him. “Dammit, Keith! Say something!”

 

“He can’t answer you.” It was his voice but it wasn’t _him_.

 

Pidge’s expression became steely as they shot their bayard at Keith. “Give him back, you witch!”

 

Keith caught the green rope, electricity shooting up his arm and spreading over his body. He could _feel_ it. He could feel himself burning, the pain radiating throughout his body. He would have passed out if he wasn’t forced to stay awake. All he could do was take it and pray that it would end soon.

 

One pull and the bayard was flying out of Pidge’s hands, Haggar taking advantage of their shock. As soon as the green bayard was in his hand, it transformed in a sword.

 

‘ _No no no no no no no. Pidge you have to run!’_ Keith could feel the murderous intent of the witch, the complete disregard for Pidge’s life.

 

Pidge didn’t run though. They just stood in a defensive position, hands up, glaring at him. “I’m not giving up on you, Keith. Fight her.”

 

And Keith did. He rammed against the walls around him, trying to breach the other’s defenses. Nothing worked. Dread overcame him as he started moving towards the small paladin.

 

_‘Please, Pidge! Please just go!’_

 

They didn’t go. And as Keith’s arm rose and slashed downward at Pidge, they activated their shield, sparks flying in all directions at the contact.

 

“C’mon, Keith. Please.” Pidge said in between grunts. They were forced a few steps back before Keith backed up and went in for another slash. And another. And another. Each time, the shield grew weaker until it disappeared completely. Pidge was panting, sweat dripping down their face as Keith continued his advance.

 

“ _Keith! Please!_ ” Pidge shouted as Keith’s arm pulled back. Keith pounded against the walls of his prison, desperation fueling him.

 

It was only one movement. Swift. Precise. Accurate. It was a move he had used many times in training and combat. It was a move meant to protect him, to finish his enemies before they could finish him. It was never meant to be used like this.

 

Sputters and coughs came from the green paladin as they stared down at the green sword sticking out of their stomach. A trail of blood seeped from their mouth as they gasped for air. A dark stain started to grow as blood seeped into the black fabric of their under-armor.

 

Keith couldn’t speak. He couldn’t move. He couldn’t do anything. All he could do was watch in horror as the life drained from Pidge’s eyes. Keith’s arm pulled back, the sword sliding out of Pidge with a gut-wrenching sound. Pidge fell to the ground, unmoving, eyes still wide from the shock.

 

The smell of iron filled the air as Keith stared down at the lifeless body of his friend. Dark red started to spill onto the white floor of the armory. It spread until the tips of Pidge’s light brown hair was soaked through. It spread until it surrounded his feet, coating his shoes in the sticky crimson. It spread until Keith could see his reflection in the blood, a look of pure indifference on his face.

 

He had done this.

 

_‘I’m so sorry...I’m so so so sorry…’_

 

All Keith’s body did was step over the small body, leaving the armory, red footprints creating a trail back to his dead friend.

 

“Lance. Where are you? It’s important.”

 

 _‘Please…’_ Keith begged. _‘Please don’t make me do it…’_

 

The only response he got was an irritated, “I’m on the bridge.”

 

Keith was spent. Everything just hurt so much. He had no energy left. Still, he pushed against the walls. Pushed because there was nothing else he could do. Pushed because at least then he had hope that he might break through. Pushed because the image of Pidge’s lifeless face was still fresh in his mind. He had failed them. And he was about to fail Lance too.

 

The moment he entered the bridge, he noticed Coran was nowhere in sight. Lance was entirely alone, standing near the red chair and looking at the large castle screen that was displaying the chaos still occurring on Taxion. He turned when Keith entered, eyes immediately falling to the bloodied green sword still clenched in Keith’s hand.

 

Rifle was in his hand faster than Keith had ever seen before, aimed directly at Keith’s head. “Keith? What’s going on? Where’s Pidge? Why do you have their bayard? Whose blood is that?”

 

A dark chuckle came from Keith’s throat. “Dead.”

 

Lance’s stance didn’t change, but Keith could see his face go pale, his finger tensing on the trigger.

 

“Did you kill them?” His voice was shaking.

 

“Child’s play.”

 

“Who are you?”

 

“Why should I tell you? You’ll be dead soon enough anyways.”

 

“Don’t underestimate me.” There was a tenseness in the air, it hung heavily between the two as they waited for the other to make a move.

 

Another chuckle came from Keith’s throat. “Hurt me and you hurt him. And he’ll feel every bit of it.”

 

There was another silence in the room.

 

 _‘Please…Please don’t make me hurt him...Please…’_ Watching Lance die was one thing, but being the hand that dealt the final blow was entirely different. Even if he wasn’t in control, it was still his body, his skill. It was still Keith.

 

“So he’s still in there.” Lance said, taking a step back and lowering the rifle, the gun morphing into a long broadsword. “I guess I’ll just have to get him out.”

 

“He’s far too weak to break my hold. That you can be sure of.”

 

“You clearly don’t know him like I know him.” Lance replied, raising his sword in front of him.

 

Keith’s hand tightened around the green bayard a moment before he was sprinting towards Lance, sword raised. Lance didn’t move, instead meeting Keith head on, metal clashing against metal.

 

Up close, Keith could see the panic in Lance’s eyes, the fear, but there was something else. Determination. Lance wasn’t giving up on him. Even after what he had done, Lance wasn’t going to abandon him. What kind of person did that make him if he just gave up?

 

Keith pressed harder against the force surrounding him, giving everything he had in hopes that by some miracle he would break through.

 

_‘Hold on, Lance. I’m coming.’_

 

The sound on cashing metal resonated in the large room every couple of seconds, Lance doing his best to keep the green bayard from reaching him.

 

“C’mon, Keith. Don’t you dare give up on me now.” Lance said between pants after being forced back a few steps. While Lance wasn’t bad with his sword, Keith was better. Lance was losing ground slowly, it was easy to see.

 

“Give up.” Keith’s voice said, a menacing undertone to it. “He already has.”

 

“I don’t believe you.” Lance said through gritted teeth as the the swords met once more.

 

Keith could see the way Lance’s arms were shaking from exhaustion. He could see the sheen of sweat on his skin. He had no time. Lance was going to die if he didn’t do something fast.

 

Keith heard the metallic ring of the broadsword hitting the floor as Lance was disarmed the same moment that he felt a crack form in the wall. It was small but it was enough.

 

Lance backed up until he was pressed against the wall, Keith pointing the green sword at his throat. His gaze was locked with Keith’s, a silent beg.

 

“Now you die.” Keith’s arm pulled back the same way it had for Pidge. Keith pushed at the crack with all his might, causing it to grow until he could fit through. He wasn’t about to let Lance die. Not like this. Not by his hand.

 

It all happened in less than a second. Keith felt his arm jut forward, sword aiming for Lance’s stomach. Keith grasped for control of himself, searching for the will to stop his arm from moving. And he got it, Haggar completely disappearing, releasing him with no warning.

 

But sometimes things can’t be stopped once they're started.

 

There wasn’t enough time.

 

He was moving too fast.

 

A pained gasp came from Lance as the sword slid into him. Keith could see him go pale as he was impaled, barely responsive shaky hands rising to grasp the part of the blade that was still visible, like he was trying to pull it out.

 

Keith was frozen, his mind struggling to process what he had just done. His hand still gripped the hilt of the green sword, his fingers refusing to loosen their grip.

 

“L-Lance…” Keith’s voice was raspy, the horror he was feeling causing his airway to close. “I-I didn’t...I-I couldn’t...Oh my god…”

 

Lance’s terror-stricken eyes met his, blue eyes begging for help. Blood stained his lips as it dripped down his chin, falling onto the sword that was inside him. His finger were still clutching the blade, desperately trying to pull it out.

 

Keith didn’t move. He couldn’t. And it wasn’t because some witch was possessing his body. No, Keith couldn’t move because he had just fatally wounded the man that he loved and now could only watch helplessly as he died.

 

“I’m...so sorry…” Keith whispered, tears building in his eyes.

 

Lance’s movements grew slower, his gasping breaths growing less and less frequent. Just like Pidge, a dark stain had started to form around the wound, shining slightly under the bright castle lights.

 

The terror didn’t leave his eyes though, not even after he stopped moving completely. They just kept staring at Keith, boring into his very being.

 

Blue had never looked so much like red.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading.  
> Feel free to yell at me or get angry or cry or whatever emotion you are feeling. I promise I am also feeling that way.  
> Stay safe and I'll see ya around. 
> 
> ~Redjay


	22. Breaking Point

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING: There is blood and mentions of blood in this chapter. Also, there's vomit in this chapter. It's not too graphic or anything like that, but I thought it best to warn y'all anyway.

Keith sat up slowly, vision blurring from the sudden dizziness in his head. The room swirled around him, the varying shades of purple and indigo mixing together in nauseating patterns. He tried to shake the dizziness by staring at the far wall, but it was to no avail. The room continued to turn slowly.

 

“Fuck…” Keith muttered as he managed to swing his legs over the side of his bed, rising to stand on shaky legs. That was a mistake.

 

As soon as he was standing, his gut twisted, folding in on itself and sending Keith falling to the ground. He caught himself with one hand, the other one clutching his stomach. Shudders wracked his body as he dry-heaved, each one causing his breath to become more and more labored.

 

Keith squeezed his eyes shut, trying to stop the floor from spinning. And while it did work to slow the swirling in his head, it also allowed grotesque recollections to be brought to the forefront of his mind.

 

The blood staining Pidge’s hair…

 

The squish of his shoes as he walked away from their corpse, red footprints painting the floor…

       

The sound of metal sliding into Lance…

       

The dark red stream spilling from Lance’s mouth…

       

It was all too much, too overwhelming. Keith had been around his fair share of carnage, no doubt. But there was something far more debilitating about it when it was the blood of a friend. The only warning Keith got was the build-up of saliva in his mouth before the contents of his stomach were rising up his throat, burning his esophagus in the process.

       

In less than a minute Keith had nothing left in him, and he was left with only a few last dry-heaves as the putrid smell wafted up towards him. He swallowed a few times, trying to dispel the sour taste in his mouth. It didn’t work. It only made his throat burn more.

       

Keith pushed himself up, so he was sitting back on his shins, opening his eyes as he did. He felt weak, his body still shaking from the aftershocks of his sickness. He turned his gaze to the ceiling of his room, head falling back in the process, too heavy for Keith to hold up. His hair fell away from his face, the soft black strands revealing the sickly paleness of his skin.

 

Everything ached. Mind, body, soul...all of it. It all hurt in a way that Keith couldn’t describe, much less endure. Hot tears poured from his indigo eyes, the streams falling down the sides of his face. He didn’t try to stop them, couldn’t find a reason to. He just let them fall as he recalled the faces of his friends. The friends that _he_ had killed.

       

It was his hand that had dealt the final blow to the people he cared for most. He was the one that had took their lives, the one whose strength had overpowered theirs. It had been his fault. He had failed.

       

And they had trusted him. They had trusted him so much that it costs them their lives. They had believed that he could break through, that he could escape the prison he had been locked away in. Their faith in him did not waver, not up until he was plunging a sword through their gut.

       

How was he supposed to look at them again? How was he supposed to ask for their trust? How was he supposed to move on from that?

       

Keith knew the answer. It was simple.

       

He couldn’t.

       

It didn’t matter that Haggar had been the one in control. It didn’t matter because he would always remember it as _himself_. He would look in the mirror and know that his face had been the one the terrified looks of his friends had been directed to. He would be training and know that it was those hours spent honing his skills that had led to the blood pooling at his feet. He would feel the warmth of Lance’s gaze and know that it had been turned against them. Keith had always known that trusting no one was dangerous. He had never imagined that trusting someone too much would lead to a far worse outcome.

       

And it could all happen again. In the blink of an eye Keith could be trapped within his own mind again, helpless to save the people he loved. He had barely managed to break through last time. He doubted he could do it again. He simply wasn’t strong enough.

       

So, what was he to do?

       

He didn’t know. So instead he just cried. He let the pain wash over him, let his heart break into thousands of pieces until it was no more than dust. The sensations that coursed through his body were old sensations. He’d felt them all before. They were really nothing new.

       

But some things were impossible to get used to.

       

“Please…” Keith heard his ragged voice say. “Please make it stop…I’ll do anything...please...”

       

There was no answer, no relief. Keith was alone, only the occasional soft sob breaking the torturous isolation he had found himself in.

 

\-----

       

The skin on Shiro’s remaining human wrist had gone raw months ago, a fresh fire shooting up his arms every time he shifted slightly. His other arm lay motionless at his side, having been deactivated from the moment he had awoken.

       

He had no idea how he had ended up in this prison, if that was even what it was. Shiro had never seen outside the dark room he was being kept in. The last thing he remembered was fighting Zarkon and then...nothing. And no matter how hard he tried to stretch his memory backward, recall _something_ that would explain what had happened, he couldn’t seem to break past the dark cloud that obscured the truth.

       

Not that it mattered much. He was a prisoner again and that meant his only real priority was staying alive. Survive so he could get back to his team. That had turned out to be a much harder task than he had originally anticipated. Haggar had made sure of that.

       

She started with normal torture. Torture that Shiro was sad to say he could deal with. He had been subjected to it before. Back when he was Zarkon’s prisoner. He was all too familiar with the electric shocks that coursed through his veins.

       

It hadn’t taken Haggar long to realize that he wasn’t so easily broken. So, she had switched to more...horrendous tactics. He remembered being left alone for a long time. He couldn’t say for sure how long - time was a luxury not provided to him - but it was long enough for him to wonder if he had been left to rot.

       

He wasn’t so lucky.

       

“Humans are weak.” Haggar had said. “Their care for others will be their downfall. Your downfall.”

 

That had been the first time Shiro had witnessed the reset of the time loop. He could still picture the holes in Lance’s chest, the look of horror on the young paladin’s face. It was then that Shiro realized that it was no longer him being tortured...it was Keith.

       

“Give me what I want, and I’ll release him.” Haggar had said.

       

Shiro had clenched his jaw, let out a shaky breath, and said, “No.”

       

He believed in Keith. He believed that Keith could figure a way out. Believed that Keith wouldn’t stop until he had kept Lance alive and escape the trap that Haggar had laid for him.

       

That had been days ago and now Shiro wasn’t so sure. Keith was close, he could tell. But at what cost? Keith was broken, torn apart, hardly more than a shell of a person. He had lost so much, gone through so much, endured so much. What kind of person did that make Shiro if he just let him suffer? How was Shiro supposed to live knowing that every ounce of pain Keith felt was his doing?

      

What choice did he have?

 

“Please…” Shiro heard Keith’s voice say, choked and cracked. “Please make it stop…I’ll do anything...please...”

 

Shiro’s resolve tore, Keith’s voice worming its way into his heart, sending a wave a guilt coursing through him at a strength that he had never encountered before.

       

“Enough!” Shiro shouted, his voice bouncing forcefully off the walls of the small room. “I’ll tell you what you want to know…”

 

“Finally.”

 

\-----

 

Keith wasn’t sure how long he had been staring up at the ceiling. It was long enough for his tears to dry, long enough for his sobs to subside, long enough for the nausea to return thanks to the acidic order that had filled his room. Even so, he didn’t want to move. Moving meant having to deal with reality. Moving meant having to figure out what he was supposed to do. Moving meant the possibility that Haggar could come back to take over his mind again.

       

“Shiro! How’d you-ah!”

 

Keith turned his head sharply at the voice just outside his door, managing to push himself up to his feet a moment before his door slid open. Kuron stood in the doorway, the fingertips of his right-hand dripping with purple. A malicious smirk was on his face, eyes gleaming with victory.

 

“Time to die.” He said, voice sounding far too jovial for the look on his face.

 

Keith barely had time to react as Kuron activated his hand and lunged at Keith, a murderous laugh escaping his lips. Keith dove out of the way of his slash, rolling to the other side of the small room, before pushing himself up off the floor. Keith glanced back as he pushed his weak legs into a sprint, heading for the door.

 

Kuron lunged at him again, forcing Keith to duck so he didn’t lose his head. He could feel the heat of the Kuron’s metal arm as it slashed through the air just above his head. Keith didn’t stop though, he just pushed his legs harder, exiting his room and turning left down the long hall of the Blade base. He jumped over the fallen bodies of the Blade members, doing his best to not step in the pools of purple blood that littered the hall. He could hear Kuron’s pounding footsteps behind him, his maniacal laughter echoing after him.

 

Keith had no idea what had set Kuron off, but he wasn’t about to stop and ask. What he did know was that both his blade armor and his dagger was back in his room. He was defenseless. And it wasn’t like he could outrun Kuron forever. He didn’t even have shoes on and last time he checked, socks didn’t have great traction when it came to metal floors. He needed back-up and he needed it _now_.

 

Keith turned another corner, noticing how the halls of the base were empty. Most of the members had probably already left to rendezvous with the castle of lions.

 

“Perfect…” Keith muttered as he glanced back at Kuron again. He was closer than before, a broad grin spread across his face and fire in his eyes. Keith knew he wouldn’t last a  
minute if Kuron caught up to him.

 

It wasn’t like Keith had anything against dying. He’d had the feeling for a while that he wasn’t going to come out of this time loop alive. But he’d be damned if he was about to let Kuron be the one to finish him off. Not after everything he’d done. Keith might not have much left, but he still had some shred of pride.

 

“Just give up!” Kuron called to him. “It’d be so much easier for everyone!”

 

Keith tuned him out and pushed his legs even harder, breath coming out short and fast as his lungs screamed for relief. He needed to focus on getting a weapon or a communicator  
or _something_ that would give him a fighting chance. Keith just had no idea where to get any of those things. Circling back to his room seemed like a dangerous idea, especially since Kuron would catch up to him long before he made it back.

 

As Keith’s mind searched for some solution to his current problem, he turned another corner, going far too fast to remain in control. His socked foot slid out from under him, sending him sprawling to the ground. He grunted as he hit the cold metal, pain shooting up his arms as his hands reached out to brace his fall. Keith wasted no time in rolling over in hopes that he still had a chance to get away from Kuron.

 

The wind was knocked out of him as a heavy boot came crashing down on his chest, forcing him back down to the floor. Keith reached up to try to pry it away from his chest, hands shaky from the adrenaline pulsing through his veins.

 

“Poor Keith…” Kuron said, his tone mocking. Keith looked up to see Kuron standing over him, a devilish smirk on his face. “You really gave it your best shot. But I guess you  
just weren’t enough. Hell, you aren’t even worth Haggar’s time. But I don’t really mind doing her dirty work.” A dark gleam shone in Kuron’s eyes. “Killing you will be fun.”

 

“Not...gonna die…” Keith spat out between gasping breaths. Kuron was pressing too hard into Keith’s chest. He could barely breathe.

 

“Oh, that’s where you’re wrong.” Kuron said with a chuckle. “You will. And you’ve got Shiro to thank for it.” Kuron leaned down slightly, murderous intent present in his eyes. “It  
seems that everyone can be broken.”

 

Keith didn’t respond, his vision starting to blur from the lack of oxygen. His grip on Kuron’s boot loosened as his strength dwindled. He saw Kuron raise his right hand, another small chuckle accompanying it.

 

“Say goodnight, Keith.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading and I hope you enjoyed it!  
> Me? Switching POVs this late in the game? Believe it!  
> Fun fact: I rewrote this bad boy like three whole times which is why it took so long to update. Also, I needed a small break from the heaviness of this fic, especially after that last chapter. I mean, I'm only human after all.  
> And another thing! We're heading into the homestretch of this fic. I'm still not sure how many more chapters there will be, but the end is definitely in sight. So...yay, I guess.  
> As always, any and all feedback you are willing and able to give is greatly appreciated.  
> Stay safe and I'll see ya next time!
> 
> ~Redjay


	23. The Final Round

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING: There is blood and mentions of vomit in this chapter. So basically, everything that you guys expected there to be in this fic. Man, this thing is dark. My bad.

“Goodnight.”

 

Keith was pretty sure he was hallucinating. He blinked as he tried to bring the image above him into focus. There was just no way a red sword was sticking through Kuron’s chest. There was just no way that it was Kuron’s blood that was dripping onto Keith’s shirt. There was just no way that it was Kuron’s pained gasps that were filling the air. It just wasn’t possible.

 

But when the sword was pulled from his chest and Kuron fell sideways, lifeless body crashing to the ground with no dignity, Keith allowed himself to believe it. And quite frankly, it was his worst nightmare. He’d rather have died.

 

“Keith, you okay?” Lance’s concerned voice asked, his breathing hard. “I came as soon as we lost touch with the base.”

 

“No, no, no, no, _no!_ ” Keith shouted, scrambling over to Kuron. He pushed him so he was lying on his back. His eyes were still open, glassy gaze staring unseeing at the ceiling of the hall. His face was pale, almost porcelain-looking. Blood seeped from the wound in his chest, staining his white armor with red. In the back of Keith’s panicked mind, he knew Kuron was dead. Still, he put his fingers to his neck hoping that somehow he was still alive. His skin was still warm under Keith’s touch which wasn’t surprising, but no matter how Keith moved his fingers, there was no pulse to be found. “I can’t…” Keith muttered frantically. “I can’t. I can’t. I just _can’t_.”

 

“Keith?” Lance asked hesitantly, kneeling down beside Keith. He had put his bayard away, allowing him to place a hand gently on Keith’s shoulder. “What’s wrong? This wasn’t Shiro, right? He was going to kill you.”

 

“I know…” Keith choked out as he gave up on finding a pulse, instead leaning back on his knees and dropping his hands into his lap. He shifted his gaze to meet Lance’s, trying to keep himself together long enough so he could explain. “I just...I can’t do it…”

 

“Can’t do what?” Lance asked, his voice low and comforting.

 

“Can’t lose you…” Keith replied, voice soft and broken. “Not for real. Not for good.”

 

“I’m not going anywhere.” Lance said, grip tightening on Keith’s shoulder.

 

Keith shook his head. “You don’t understand. If he dies...then you die...and there’s no reset…those are the rules...”

 

“Reset? Rules? You’re not making any sense.” Lance was looking at him like he had gone crazy.

 

“I-I can’t be here…I can’t be the one…” Keith stood up, his legs shaky. Fear gripped his heart, adrenaline still pumping through his veins from his fight with Kuron.

 

“Keith!” Lance said standing up and taking a step towards him. “Calm down and explain what’s going on.”

 

Keith shook his head again, backing away from Lance. He didn’t know if Haggar knew that Kuron was dead, but he’d really like to not take that chance. “Stay away! I don’t want to hurt you! Not again...”

 

“Again?” Lance asked softly, confusion muddying his blue eyes. “When have you hurt me?”

 

Keith’s stomach twisted, guilt eating away at his inside. He didn’t want to answer that. Nothing good would come of him answering that. Instead he said, “Listen, if I lose control, make sure I don’t hurt anybody. Kill me if you have to, okay?”

 

And with that Keith turned and ran, ignoring Lance who was calling his name. He couldn't be around him. Not right now. Not with the possibility of Haggar showing up at any moment.  

 

Keith’s time was limited, he knew that. And as he sprinted through the halls of the base, heading back towards his room, his mind was already a million steps ahead of him. Kuron was dead. There was no getting around that. And while Keith had no moral problem with that - Kuron being more than just a thorn in his side for far too long -, he did have a problem with what that meant for Lance.

 

He was getting real tired of Lance dying. He’d failed far too many times at saving him. He wasn’t about to let him die again. And, in truth, he couldn’t afford to. This was it. This was the final round. There were no more resets, no more do-overs, no more second, third, or fourth chances. It was now or never.

 

Keith had some idea where to start. The red armor. That was the link to Haggar. If he wanted to find her, that’s where he should look. After that, the plan was simple. Defeat her. Make her stop the aftereffects of the time loop. Actually _doing_ that was probably going to be pretty tough, but that was a problem for later. At the moment, he needed to suit up.

 

As Keith drew closer to his room, the bodies of the fallen blades members came into view. He silently thanked them for their service as he passed, knowing that he was partially responsible for their deaths. It was him that Kuron was after. They had simply been in the wrong place at the wrong time, victims to Kuron’s fury.

 

Keith held his breath as he entered his room, not wanting to smell the vomit that still sat in a puddle on his floor. He had a strong feeling that it would only make him sick again. He wasted no time in changing into his blade armor and grabbing his dagger. Within minutes, he was out the door again, heading towards the hangar.

 

“And where do ya think you’re going?”

 

Keith jumped at the voice, spinning around, unsheathing his dagger as he did.

 

Lance stood, leaning against the wall next to the door of his room. His arms were crossed over his chest, one foot pressed against the wall behind him. He wore an annoyed expression on his face, jaw clenched a little too tightly and brow furrowed a little too much.

 

“Lance?” Keith said, lowering his weapon. “I thought I told you to stay away from me.”

 

Lance pushed himself off the wall, and stood so he was facing Keith. “And since when do I have to listen to you?”

 

“Lance, I-”

 

“What? You think you’re allowed to say a bunch of cryptic shit and then just run off after I save your life? Nope. Nu-uh. Sorry, that’s not how it works.” Lance cut in, his voice challenging.

 

“You don’t understand. I-”

 

“Then explain it to me, you moron!” Lance shouted, his annoyance shifting to anger. “I just killed a guy who I _thought_ was Shiro but really isn’t! A-And then you say that I’m gonna die! And _then_ you ask me to kill you! Why would I do that? Well, gee, I have no idea because the _one_ person who seems to know what’s going on won’t explain!”

 

Keith couldn’t help but flinch at Lance’s biting words. He could see that Lance had a point. He supposed it would be pretty confusing on his end. “Sorry…” Keith muttered, looking at the floor. “It’s just been a really long day.”

 

“How long?” Lance asked, his voice much calmer. “You mentioned resets.”

 

“Like a week? Maybe longer? It’s hard to keep track.” Keith replied quietly.

 

“A time loop?”

 

“Yeah…”

 

“And I…?”

 

“Yeah…”

 

Lance let out a long breath. “Well, shit. This is quite a predicament, huh?”

 

Keith glanced up at him, letting out a pained laugh. “You could say that. It’s been a nightmare.”

 

“Want some help?”

 

Keith took a step back, shaking his head. “No! I could lose control again! You can’t be near me. Not until I know it’s safe. Haggar...she’s so powerful. I don’t think I’ll be able to win if she tries to control my mind again.”

 

“Mind control? Time loops? Fake Shiro? Anymore surprises you want to throw my way?” Lance asked lightly, a friendly smile on his face despite the gravity of the situation.

 

“Uh...I mean...the red armor is possessed with some kinda magic.” Keith said uncertainly.

 

“Yeah, okay. You definitely need some help. I’m coming.” Lance replied.

 

“But-”

 

“Listen, you asked me to keep the others safe if you try to hurt them. How am I supposed to do that if I don’t know where you are, huh? Ever thought of that?”

 

Keith didn’t respond, not wanting to admit that he hadn’t.

 

“Didn’t think so.” Lance said matter-of-factly. “So let me help. I can keep an eye on you and watch your back. It’s a win-win.”

 

“Doesn’t feel like a win-win.” Keith replied. “Feels like I’m leading you to your death.”

 

“Eh? So? It wouldn’t be the first time. I’ve followed you into battle before. We should’ve died plenty of times. But here we are. I say those are some pretty good odds.”

 

“I don’t think that’s how it works…”

 

Lance shrugged. “I left the math to Pidge a long time ago. So what do you say?”

 

Keith didn’t say anything for a moment, his brain telling him that he shouldn’t let Lance help and his heart telling him he should.

 

“Fine.” He finally said. “But we do this my way.”

 

Lance smirked at him. “Whatever you say, leader.”

 

\-----

 

Keith leaned against the seat in the cockpit of the red lion as he stared at the castle that had just appeared over the horizon. Lance was in the pilot’s seat, hands on the controls. There was silence between them, Keith having just finished giving him the basic rundown of the situation. He left out some of the more...difficult parts, not mentioning how the last reset happened aside from Keith losing control. He was pretty sure Lance could figure out the rest. Just talking about it left Keith drained. So much had happened in such a short time. The fact that he was able to stand was a miracle in itself.

 

Keith didn’t have to look at Lance’s face to see that he was deep in thought. Who wouldn’t be after hearing a story like Keith’s? He had basically just been told that unless they win, he was most certainly going to die. That would leave anybody speechless, even someone as talkative as Lance.

 

“Hey…” Lance said softly, breaking the silence. “In case something goes wrong, there’s something I gotta tell you.”

 

“I already know.” Keith replied, just as quietly. He had also left out the part about Lance’s spontaneous confession and, to go with that, his reciprocated feelings. Lance might not remember how Keith had taken advantage of his feelings, but Keith did. If Lance were to hear what he’d done, he was sure the result would be the same.

 

He heard Lance laugh softly. “Never could keep my mouth shut. Well...good. As long as you know, then everything’s okay.”

 

It wasn’t. Nothing was okay. Keith knew that. Lance knew that. But still, it was nice to believe that for a second, in the quiet of the cockpit, everything was fine.

 

“How long?” Keith asked before he could stop himself. He needed to know.

 

Lance didn’t answer right away, instead letting a silence stretch between them.

 

“You really want to know?” He asked quietly.

 

“Yeah.” Keith replied.

 

“The garrison.”

 

“Are you serious? That long?” Keith asked in disbelief.

 

“Of course I am!” Lance said, becoming defensive. “But to be fair, I’m pretty sure half the school had some sorta crush on you.”

 

“Me? Yeah, I doubt that. I was the school loner.” Keith replied somewhat bitterly.

 

“Not true.” Lance replied lightly. “You were the school bad boy who was constantly hanging around Shiro. A man of mystery. And then when you got kicked out? I’m pretty sure every single girl swooned at the same time. Some guys too.”

 

“So that’s your type? Mystery bad boys?” Keith asked, half joking and half really wanting to know.

 

“Nah, not really” Lance said. “That wasn’t why I liked you...well, _like_ you.”

 

“Then why?”

 

Lance paused again, biting his lip slightly. Finally he said, “Because you’re strong. And I don’t mean, like, physical strength...I mean, I guess you are that too-”

 

“Lance.”

 

“Sorry. No, what I mean is that you don’t give up. Ever. Even when you should. Even if everyone’s against you. You just...keep going. Keep moving forward.” Lance let out a sigh. “That sounded really cheesy, sorry.”

 

“It wasn’t cheesy.” Keith said, his heart slowly piecing itself back together. His throat had gone dry, skin heating up as his face turned red. He was glad that Lance wasn’t looking at him. He briefly wondered how it had taken him so long to see the person who had literally been standing in front of him the whole time.

 

“No?” Lance asked, his voice low.

 

“It was...exactly what I needed to hear.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading and I hope you enjoyed it!  
> The end is on its way, folks. I can practically smell it!  
> As always, any and all feedback you are willing and able to give is greatly appreciated.  
> Stay safe and I'll see ya next time!
> 
> ~Redjay


End file.
